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MIL wanting to move in????

Faith 21Faith 21 member
in 3rd Trimester
MIL calls and says she is living on streets that she needs a place to live and wants to live with us. We have a two bedroom house that's only big enough for our little family to live in. I barely know this lady and from what I have heard is not someone I want around my child all the time. I know she has a mental disorder and refuses meds to help her with being sane about everyday things. My SO and I told her now was not a good time that we have no room and she went off. I truly do feel bad for her and feel bad bc I can not help her. Did I make the right choice. I just need to feel like I did the right thing telling her no??
Colty Bug's Mommy
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Re: MIL wanting to move in????

  • jenaliatjenaliat member
    You have to do what is right for you and your family. Could you help her find a place, maybe to get some help?
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  • BEAUNALBEAUNAL member
    Trust your instincts. You are a Mom now and your priority is the safety and well being of your child. You did the right thing but I know it's hard and I'm sorry she put you in that awkward situation.
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  • IEtoLAIEtoLA member
    You have to do what's best for your family.  My brother has psychological and drug issues.  He lived with my parents and I for a while and we had to kick him out because it was tearing the rest of our family apart.  We tried to help him and he didn't feel he needed it, so out he went.  I love my brother, but you can't help someone unless they want it.  With a newborn in the house and you saying she's unstable, I wouldn't go for it.  
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  • jennygirlmtjennygirlmt member
    You absolutely made the right decision. Your baby deserves a safe and stable environment and it doesn't sound like allowing your MIL to live with you would provide that. I would try to help her find a place to live (I wouldn't give money) and wouldn't go beyond that. I'm sorry you are in this situation. Stay strong, your baby needs to be safe.
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  • BeebopandBuddyBeebopandBuddy member
    As a person who has two individuals in my family with mental illnesses, one of which is my mother, I have learned a very hard but important lesson.  You cannot help people who will not help themselves.  It will just cause more chaos in your lives.  If she refuses meds and is out of control (I'm assuming this because she is homeless), then there is not anything that you can do for her.  My mother has been properly medicated for the last 15 years but before that it was a nightmare.  If she will not help herself and do what she needs to do, nothing that you will do will help her and she will make your lives very difficult.  IMO, you did the right thing.
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  • kissmiikissmii
    i would have felt bad for her too, but given the circumstances, i say you did the right thing. and honestly, the last thing you need is to be taking care of an ill person who refuses to get better.
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  • 143BabyCakes143BabyCakes member

    imagejenaliat:
    You have to do what is right for you and your family. Could you help her find a place, maybe to get some help?

    exactly this. If you are having trouble feeling good about your decision, see if you can help in other ways.




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  • KSullivan100KSullivan100

    It sounds like you are talking about my mother.. It has become apparent that she has serious mental issues that are not yet diagnosed and an addiction to prescription medication.

    It may help you (and your husband) if you contact your local DPW (Department of Public Welfare) office and ask about Mental Health services / state rights and laws.  Also, you may be able to contact local hospitals (either local to your MIL or to you) and find out about their laws.  For example, in our situation, if my mother becomes a threat to herself, we can try to use the backbone of her state's government and have the police and a judge step in to get her court-ordered time in a mental health facility so she doesn't harm herself.

    Just a thought, if things are really that bad for her.

    And I wouldn't let my mother live with me, so I doubt your husband wants his mother living with you guys and your brand new baby.

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  • pinitbabypinitbaby member

    I totally agree that you did the right thing by saying no. You would've been walking on eggshells and worried if things would go missing from your home. She doesn't have respect for herself so theres no way she would have respect for you guys or your home. There is help available but you can only give someone the tools and help them so much before they have to take that final step on their own.

    You did the right thing, its only human nature to feel guilty. Be strong :)

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