Estranged family, will this hurt us? (long)

Trippleb · September 2012

MH and I are starting to look into domestic infant adoption. We have a situation where my husband's mother, sister and her family are estranged. Wondering how badly this will hurt us.

I'll give you some background, hopefully I can keep this short.

MH's parents divorced shortly after MH graduated HS. His mom followed his older sister out of state (about 400 miles away).

Shortly afterwards (this is in 2004, long before we were married), My MIL was living in an undesirable neighborhood. MIL was watching her grandchild during the day and basically everyone was afraid for their safety. By this point my MIL was financially ruin by an unisured heartattack and bad debt.

MH offered to purchase a home in a better neighborhood. The arrangement was that she would cover the mortgage payment. Everything was going fairly well up until about a year and half ago.

SIL and her family decide in the middle of the worse housing market to pickup and move back to our area. We did everything we could to help them with the process. We provided a free roof over my SIL head for 6 months until they could establish jobs in the area. We purchased an investment property in our town and were working on fixing up an apartment for when my MIL moved up. Btw...this is what she wanted. We told her many times she was free to live anywhere she wanted she just had to help us sell the out of state property. During this time MIL starts getting behind in rent. Then things start to turn ugly.

SIL stops talking to us even though she is residing (for free) in a three bedroom home we own. We piece information together and found out that she couldn't afford a mortgage without my MIL social security check and miltary wife's pension. Then MIL stops talking to us. MH confronts them and want's to know what is going on. It's been six months since they moved in and MH requests that SIL starts paying rent.

About a month later we receive a check from MIL for all back rent and she abandons the out of state house without notice and leaves the keys on the kitchen counter (mind you...400 miles away)

At that point there are four people living in our northern house, two dogs, three rabbits, two guinea pigs, four vehicles plus a utility trailer...well you get the picture. SIL did pay the rent for three months, but then she moves out without notice .

None of them have indicated their whereabouts. We are stuck with a property that till this day has not sold, It stood empty for 7 months, however we were able to find a renter back in May. They have also stopped talking to my FIL and MH's brother who had nothing to do with the situation.

Is this going to be an issue for us? Will that side of the family need to be contacted? We have a very good relationship with FIL & BIL and they would certainly vouch for the problematic rest of the family.

If you made it this far, thank you...I'm sorry this got so long.

Dr.Loretta · September 2012

No.

No one in our family was contacted. We could choose our references, and as a matter of fact they couldn't be family.

I'm more concerned about your current debt:income ratio given the drama of the homes, and whether your DH has truly cut them off or if they're going to try and sponge off you guys again.

House of Lovelock · September 2012

I don't think the family situation will affect you, but they may ask more questions about your financial situation based off the circumstances! Good luck!

Trippleb · September 2012

Dr.Loretta:

No.

No one in our family was contacted. We could choose our references, and as a matter of fact they couldn't be family.

I'm more concerned about your current debt:income ratio given the drama of the homes, and whether your DH has truly cut them off or if they're going to try and sponge off you guys again.

We are concerned about this too. Well not the debt vs income ratio,...our employment status.

The investment property is filled with tenants and the rent more then covers the mortgage. We refinanced our primary home to consolidate debt on the out of state property and the rent we receive on that property covers the mortgage we have on our primary. MH's home before we were married (the one his family was living in temporarily) is mortgage free. We intend on selling it...just waiting for a better market.

My bigger concern is that we have our own small corporation where MH and I are the only employees. I've been incorporated since 2004, we married in 07 at that time MH joined the company. We purchased the investment rental property as a way to start building a retirement. That's why we weren't overly concerned whether his mother would move in or not. We were buying it anyway.

I did ask the one agency that I contacted if being self employed would be a problem and they didn't think so. Apparently all assets are considered. Most likely a little "proof" of income will be needed but we are used to that.

MH is without a question done with them. I'm hoping someday they can at least be on speaking terms but I'm certain MH isn't going to be the one to make the first move.

DaisyZH · September 2012

I don't think that the family situation will hurt you, although I'm sorry that you are dealing with that. As far as being self-employed and having rental properties I would think it might just be a little more difficult to prove income. I'm sure there are plenty of other entrepreneurs that have adopted, your agency should be able to let you know what they need.

Trippleb · September 2012

Thanks everyone. You definitely made us feel better about things.

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Estranged family, will this hurt us? (long)

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