PLEASE READ: Purpose of this board

silliestbunny · September 2012

Hi.....

The post below mine concerns me.

It seems if the Expectant Mom considering adoption has had people contact her to present themselves as hopeful parents.

IMHO (or perhaps not so humble opinion) approaching Emoms is not appropriate on this board. We have a long standing support system which encourages all parts of the adoption triad to post. When we see this board as an opportunity to leverage our own needs rather than support the community, the board stands to lose authenticity. It compromises the integrity of the supportive board we've created.

And know that when I was waiting (a very long 22 months w/three... actually four failed matches and lots of heart ache) there were times I was very tempted to PM Emoms. That said, I did not because I felt this was not an appropriate forum for solicitations. There are plenty of other forums to advertise and connect.

If I am the minority voice here, then I am and I'll let it go but I will also be more careful (which may be less supportive) of the entire Triad since I will view this board as having a different purpose.

PS- I will go out on a ledge here and "bet" that if we do start accepting and encouraging solicitation of Emoms, we'll see a spike in Emoms... or Emom scammers. The potential for scammers on an open board like this is immense.

Mitzimoomoo · September 2012

Agree completely. Thank you for the post.

ellekae · September 2012

Thank you! I wanted to say something, but I am still kind of a newb since I have only been here for 5 months. I completely agree.

raecheleblue1 · September 2012

I agree with you. I see this as a place to come for support, to vent, to celebrate, etc about all that the adoption process is about. Solicitation free.

greenteabee · September 2012

I'm on the other side, so I don't know if my opinion is as weighted as your guys'! I got a few of those messages and they made me uncomfortable. I think they need to stay off of here, the Bump should be safe for everyone, like PPs have said.

You guys for the most part have been very helpful and supportive of me, I'm so glad I have you guys to vent to!

ellekae · September 2012

Geenteabee, you are as much a part of this board as any of us, and we value your opinion and perspective. I am so sorry that some posters took advantage of your candor and sent you messages that made you uncomfortable!

Julie721 · September 2012

silliestbunny:
Hi.....

The post below mine concerns me.

It seems if the Expectant Mom considering adoption has had people contact her to present themselves as hopeful parents.

IMHO (or perhaps not so humble opinion) approaching Emoms is not appropriate on this board. We have a long standing support system which encourages all parts of the adoption triad to post. When we see this board as an opportunity to leverage our own needs rather than support the community, the board stands to lose authenticity. It compromises the integrity of the supportive board we've created.

And know that when I was waiting (a very long 22 months w/three... actually four failed matches and lots of heart ache) there were times I was very tempted to PM Emoms. That said, I did not because I felt this was not an appropriate forum for solicitations. There are plenty of other forums to advertise and connect.

If I am the minority voice here, then I am and I'll let it go but I will also be more careful (which may be less supportive) of the entire Triad since I will view this board as having a different purpose.

PS- I will go out on a ledge here and "bet" that if we do start accepting and encouraging solicitation of Emoms, we'll see a spike in Emoms... or Emom scammers. The potential for scammers on an open board like this is immense.

Yes Yes Yes Couldn't have said it better myself.

dholsapp · September 2012

I don't post that often but am very very glad you said this! When I read Emoms post below I was afraid that's what people were doing, and I am very glad that this board is saying that is not acceptable!

KdgTeacher · September 2012

::starts slow clap::

bumpuser794640 · September 2012

I completely agree that we should not be approaching e-moms via this forum. We can be supportive of them and answer all of their questions without making them feel beholden to anyone.

CaptainSerious · September 2012

I couldn't agree more with silliest, which is why I asked below if there were actually people sending their profiles. I wanted to be sure it was happening before I said something.

I've been a member of this board for a long time, since I began the journey to adopt my oldest, back in 2008, and in that time we always wanted more e-moms and birthmothers here. The few that came were quickly scared away, though, because of judgemental and/or overbearing posts from prospective adoptive parents. I think things have taken a wonderful turn in the last year or two, when more e-moms and birthmothers have become regular posters. They are able to provide a very important perspective the rest of us can only imagine. It would be a shame if we were to scare away all of them because they are looking for a place of support and instead are inundated by hopeful adoptive parents' profiles and solicitations.

Adoption is a tricky thing. All sides hurt, but all sides can also have form amazing relationships and joy through adoption. I would hate for people coming here to learn about adoption and/or get support to feel as though they are being marketed too and that all other conversation is rendered useless. Let's keep this place match-free, and a pure environment for people to give their advice, seek support, air their grievances, etc.

I also agree that opening this up into a match site would open it up to scammers. In fact, I have on several occasions warned people about making a match on this site before when it seemed as if an e-mom was here looking for someone to pay her expenses rather that seeking information or even a good match for her child.

elissaann26 · September 2012

I completely agree with you! The honesty and candor on this board is an incredible resource and support system. I don't want that to change.

greenteabee · September 2012

fredalina:
I think if you get any solicitations, you need to report them. And hell, it's probably a violation of TOS but I think you should out them publicly.

I deleted all the ones I've gotten so far, I haven't gotten any recently though, probably since I have chosen a couple already. If I do I will definitely report them though.

JellyTwoPointO · September 2012

I couldn't agree more. I know it's tempting to reach out to an Emom but this is not the right place. There are websites designed for that and this isn't one of them.

donmitch79 · September 2012

I couldn't agree more. I have learned so much from this board and find each persons ideas and experiences more valuable than anything written in a book.

Foster1Mom · September 2012

I agree a 100%. I really wanted to say something but you beat me to it...lol

IRR · September 2012

Silliestbunny THANK YOU for posting this. I was getting really POed that one of our EMom's was getting solicited. I don't see anything wrong with having a website in your signature but there should be no PM's to EMom's from this site. I would hate to scare any of them away.

missred75 · September 2012

I totally agree. This place is meant to be a support system for all of us and should be viewed in that light. It's unfortunate that anyone is being made to feel uncomfortable. Sad

silliestbunny · September 2012

Spooko:
I saw all that, too, but here's my take on it. I may be entirely too naive (LMK), but I don't think any member of this board would proposition an Emom like that. It's likely lurkers who don't care what this board is about or what it becomes, anyways. Therefore, while I support your insistence that these actions are stopped, I doubt the people who need to stop really care. Does that make sense?

I tend to be generous in giving people the benefit of the doubt and I thought exactly what you said... which makes my point even more. If there are lurkers here that are ready to pounce on an Emom when she posts right now... imagine if this was opened up to matching solicitations. I know I would have bookmarked it as a site to check daily when we were waiting...

I also know at least one newbie reached out openly in a post and it's happened recently with another newbie. I think that's intentions are good... but a discussion also is needed to make sure people are on the same page.

Dr.Loretta · September 2012

I sent a note to the Bump gods about this as well. So not cool.

House of Lovelock · September 2012

BRAVO!

I had someone say to my face last night that they would "ask someone for a baby" because they really wanted to adopt. It made me physically ill and I've ranted all night and day about it (to my hubs!). If people could only see themselves they would know just "why" they shouldn't do it! It's disturbing!

slndr042305 · September 2012

Agree completely!

KarlsSweetie05 · September 2012

raecheleblue1:
I agree with you. I see this as a place to come for support, to vent, to celebrate, etc about all that the adoption process is about. Solicitation free.

agree 10000%. T

Thank you Silliest Bunny for posting and clarifying.

This board is an incredible resource for all parts of the triad and we need to keep it a "safe zone" for everyone.

Ginger71 · September 2012

silliestbunny:

Hi.....

The post below mine concerns me.

It seems if the Expectant Mom considering adoption has had people contact her to present themselves as hopeful parents.

IMHO (or perhaps not so humble opinion) approaching Emoms is not appropriate on this board. We have a long standing support system which encourages all parts of the adoption triad to post. When we see this board as an opportunity to leverage our own needs rather than support the community, the board stands to lose authenticity. It compromises the integrity of the supportive board we've created.

And know that when I was waiting (a very long 22 months w/three... actually four failed matches and lots of heart ache) there were times I was very tempted to PM Emoms. That said, I did not because I felt this was not an appropriate forum for solicitations. There are plenty of other forums to advertise and connect.

If I am the minority voice here, then I am and I'll let it go but I will also be more careful (which may be less supportive) of the entire Triad since I will view this board as having a different purpose.

PS- I will go out on a ledge here and "bet" that if we do start accepting and encouraging solicitation of Emoms, we'll see a spike in Emoms... or Emom scammers. The potential for scammers on an open board like this is immense.

Thanks for your post! I agree and have felt more than once that the trolls will come around more and more.

Amyaggie97 · September 2012

I am glad you posted this, I was thinking the same thing.

orange1414 · September 2012

I completely agree. Thank you for posting!

DaisyZH · September 2012

Very glad you posted, I saw that post yesterday and also felt uneasy about it. I love how open and positive this board is, I would hate it if anyone were uncomfortable Sad

Rachel Sonnier · September 2012

Yikes! I am just scrolling through to see all of this now. Totally agree. This should be a safe place for everyone, and not a place to try to match. Feels a little icky to me.