open adoption

emimooboo · September 2012

how would i be able to keep an open adoption a secret?! i dont want anybody to know im pregnant at all but i want to know that you know the baby is ok

DebateThis · September 2012

My sister in law (DH's younger sister) was adopted via open adoption at birth, 22 years ago. SIL's mom didn't tell her family until SIL was 5 years old that she had a baby, but she was able to keep in contact with her DD (my SIL) via a PO Box for letters and cards.

Now that email/blogs are so prevalent, I know many families keep in touch by blogs and emails on a regular basis. That might be of some help to you - you can talk to an agency and request that the family you choose for your baby set up a blog for updates or set up an email address so you can correspond. That way, you have the information but no one needs to know aside from who ever you choose to share that email address or blog address with.

I bet the other ladies here will have other suggestions, too.

Julie721 · September 2012

Open adoption is any communication between you and the adoptive parents directly, so it can be as discreet as you like (such as only sending pictures and letters, no visits, or visits out of town).

As far as keeping your pregnancy secret, that can be near impossible depending on your body type, and it could also prevent you from getting the support you need during and after the adoption.

I can imagine this is a tough time, and I am praying for you!

emimooboo · September 2012

nobody knows and i should have the baby any time now so i think keeping the actual pregnant part is fine but i dont know how ill keep a baby a scret wehich is why i have to give the baby up for adoption

Amyaggie97 · September 2012

I agree with the others you should have the agency that you decide to work with help you establish the openness with privacy for you. You could do a private email or even have your communication go through the agency. I hope you find the family for your baby and get any support that an agency can provide for you.

NateandSara · September 2012

I sent you a private message.

House of Lovelock · September 2012

Our son's mom has kept him a secret for almost 5 years now. She just opted that we send letters to her via the agency, then she can drop by and look at the letters and pictures, and doesn't have to take them home with her. That was she can know he's okay, but not worry about being found out. Hope you find something that works for you.

IRR · September 2012

You can always become FB friends with the AP and just let them know not to say how they know you or mention you in posts.

silliestbunny · September 2012

Whether or not it's right to keep this secret... I will tell you that my eldest daughter's BM did keep it a secret from her parents until month 7 (she was 19). Eventually she went to live w/someone else so her friends and her siblings didn't find out about her pregnancy.

She is a very conservative Christian young woman who felt like she failed her community. I hate that she felt that way.... but she managed to spend the last two and half months at her grandparents so no one would find out.

I am not in favor of this approach... I'd suggest some counseling before doing something like this... but this is an example of it being doable.

Dr.Loretta · September 2012

silliestbunny:

I am not in favor of this approach... I'd suggest some counseling before doing something like this... but this is an example of it being doable.

I agree 100%

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