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June 2012 Moms
misti&nathan
member
In need of opinions... kinda long
misti&nathan
member
I don't post very often but I am in need of some opinions from other new mothers who are outside of the situation so here it goes:
My MIL and I have never really gotten along (my hubby and I have been together 6 years) after our wedding a year ago I decided to start fresh and give her a second chance. We got pregnant 3 weeks after our wedding and she was THRILLED to be a grandma (first grandbaby on either side) and I was so thankful. Through the pregnancy she was a totally different person supportive of me (i had complications) always picking stuff up here and there for the baby and I thought it would be this way from then on so we asked her if she and fil would like to babysit 2 days a weeks. We wanted his grandparents to watch him versus a stranger.
The day I was to be induced came around and everyone was there and super supportive. After 16 hours of labor I had to have a c- section. I was later told by my family that she was rude to everyone in the waiting room while they were waiting and threw a fit when my mom got to come back to recovery first (the surgery took like an hour longer then it should have my mom was worried sick). she was great for the first 2 weeks or so. I was on bedrest for 6 weeks before i delivered so I was itching to get our of the house so we went to dinner with some friends when ethan was about 3.5 weeks old. Well my MIL found out about it through FB and didnt speak to me for 3 weeks. I went back to work and they were keeping him 2 days a week and it was going great. We had many conversations about them putting a baby gate up while ethan was there for the dogs bc the dogs they take care of bite(they are hubbys brothers dog who moved across the country and left the dogs). We have witnessed it several several times. they seemed find with it well I was sick one day and still took him to their house when I went to pick him up (they werent expecting me) the dogs were out and on the couch with my son!
I of course called my husband very upset. He called his mother and she says she refuses to put the dogs away because she can protect Ethan from the dogs. So I called her to see if we could work something out. I made no progress and our conversation ended with me giving her the choice of putting a gate up or we would have to find a new sitter which we DID NOT want to do! We want them to keep them even if her and I dont see eye to eye. this was 3 weeks ago.
She chose the dogs and we went over there to try to work something out about a week and a half ago now and it was pointless we ended up having a screaming match. It's now been 3.5 weeks since they have called us or tried to see Ethan. We have called them 5 times, emailed them and gone over there they dont call back email back we get nothing from them. My heart is broken for my son and husband I could care less how she treats me because I am done with her. You can mess with me but dont mess with my child! I also cannot respect someone who chooses dogs who bite over her grandsons safety.
So my question for you ladies is: am I wrong in trying to protect my helpless baby? I have gotten several opinions from family members and my husband agree's with me but I feel like some how I'm in the wrong even though im just trying to protect my son. Anyone had similar situations or can offer some insight to how to resolve this I want our son to have a relationship with all his grandparents but at this point i feel like we have reached out to them and getting no response so im at a loss of what to do!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: In need of opinions... kinda long
I am sorry you have to deal with that. I think you are 100% right about protecting your son. One of my students (11 yrs old) got bit on the face by the loving family dog. She had to undergo surgery and it missed her eye by less than 1 inch. She was big and used to the dog, imagine if it was a baby!
The point is: animals are not predictable and can snap. Even if they are being watched. I would find another sitter. I sure that your ILs will see your baby (in your terms) but they need to cool their nerves.
ITA - I think it's ridiculous that she picked the dog over your grandson
Your MIL needs to respect your wishes and get over it. You've reached out to her which I think is all you really can do at this point. If she wants to ignore you, it's her loss. Though I do think she'll come around eventually.
Maybe try having your H talk to her since she's his mom. Good luck.
It does sound like she's chosen the dogs over her grandson. It sucks that you'll have to find a new sitter, but I wouldn't let my son be over there with the dogs, even with "supervision." No one can watch everything all the time. Things happen in the 2 seconds backs get turned. It sounds unsafe.
It also sounds like you've done everything you can at this point. Let it go. If you your H wants to try to talk to her again, fine, but I don't think you have any more obligation to try to reach out for a while.
Thank you all for your opinions! Knowing im not alone in feeling this way makes me feel much better! I just feel as his mother I should protect him until he can protect himself! As for my H he says we will probably not hear from his mom for a few months. At this point he is very angry with the fact that she chose dogs over her grandson and for the way she spoke to me when we went there to try to talk and the things she said to me.
Heartcease: She would never come to our house to babysit.... She wouldn't even come to our house to see him when he was a newborn because she was mad we wouldnt bring him to her house everyother day. I had a c-section and was recovering from that and taking care of a newborn, but her needs should come first apparently! haha
mysteriousmommy: The dog was abused before they had him so any loud noise or sudden movement sparks him to bite anyone and anything! I feel bad for the dog because he can be really sweet but when he gets frightened (which is all the time) he turns into a devil dog! its not his fault he was abused but I dont want him around my son!