How would you feel about...

LER091811 · September 2012

Sharing your bedroom with your kiddo now that they are 1 years old? I'm trying to convince my husband we don't need to move out of our 1 bedroom apartment and could keep sharing our bedroom with our daughter when she's 1 and then move out when she's 2. Currently I enjoy sharing out bedroom with her. He thinks after 1 it's too crazy to share a bedroom.

All this because I'm trying to convince him it's worth it to repaint the living room

Your insights are appreciated.

[Update] Thanks for the response and the concerns about occupancy laws! I called my landlord and it's fine to have us all in there until she's 2. Good to know this could have been an issue. I think we will renew our lease because I understand some people just don't enjoy the baby noises but I do enjoy sharing a room with her and she is a great sleeper (so far). And the $$$ savings. I don't care if she learns to sleep alone because DH and I want many children and will never be rich so she's always going to be sharing a room with someone.

denitab · September 2012

Not sure where you live, but having 3 heartbeats in a bedroom after 1 year of age usually violates occupancy standards for apartments. Just so you're aware b/c your landlord can force you to move to a larger apartment.

We moved our son out of our bedroom at 1-2 months of age. I wanted him to learn to sleep without anyone around & also how to sleep through different noise distractions.

dairygirl19 · September 2012

I wouldn't like it all.

I don't feel like anyone would get any sleep. I also like to relax/read in my bedroom/have me time and with a kid it's kind of hard. I'm a horrible mother probably but LO one is her own room on night 2 home from the hospital. I couldn't stand the constant noises, breathing and she couldn't stand mine! I can't even imagine what that's like at 1.

I would do it in desperation but if I had the option not to, I would.

rlmanning · September 2012

I agree with your hubby. By 1 you will be working on sleep training and weening from bottles and transitioning to whole milk. It is a lot and takes a toll on you. I wouldnt want to add to that breaking the comfortability of the baby sleeping in your room. Once she is used to it, I think it will be tough transfer. I was always told to be sure to transfer the baby by 6 months. Its your call though. Good Luck

Ecy · September 2012

My DD technically has her own bedroom but she sleeps with us in our room & we don't mind it at all.

rlyttle · September 2012

I wouldn't like it one bit! We kicked DS out of our room at 8 weeks. We all sleep better in our own spaces. If it comes down to a financial issue, you just have to do what you have to do. When we go on vacation we even rent condos/cabins/whatever with an extra room for DS. I don't want to tip toe around him after he is asleep. We enjoy our separate spaces. I think it's also very important for your relationship as well. My DH & I enjoy having alone time after DS is asleep.

BabyBoyNYC · September 2012

We still share a room with DS and he's 15 months (next week). It will be really hard for me to switch him out whenever we move to a place with a second bedroom, I love him sleeping right next to my bed and its also so easy when he cries at like 6am I just have to go "shhhh" and he falls right back to sleep. BUT the sex life is a whole nother story and that part is why he needs his own room! I would like to have sex in my own bedroom eventually.....

dor79 · September 2012

We room shared/bed shared til DS was 14 months, that was enough... we were hoping to move him at 9 months but he never really STTN. He always had his own room though.

twohniyt · September 2012

I don't think I would personally like it. LO has been in her own room since her first night home from the hospital. Like a PP said, we wanted her to be able to sleep without anyone else around.

AimeeL85 · September 2012

Even though it's not ideal, if it's just until she's 2, I don't see the big deal at all. I would try not to let her things take over your bedroom completely, mainly make it for sleeping if you can.

JaysonandKristin · September 2012

If it makes more financial sense to stay put for another year, I'd just suck it up and make it work in the one bedroom. I don't see the big deal.

It sucks for us to share a room. I honestly don't know what the deal is, but if he wakes in the MOTN and sees us, it's an all out fit until he gets picked up and nursed back to sleep (repeat x5).

That being said, if there was some kind of financial motivator for us, I'd just deal with the extra year sharing a room.

kcisthebombdotcom · September 2012

My son slept in bed with us until he was 20 months before he went in his own room. He is not scarred for life because of the experience.

I don't get how there's some sort of huge difference between 1 and 2 to end room sharing. I think if there's a financial benefit for your family to stick to a 1 bedroom apartment for an extra year I'd definitely do it.

Karen1998 · September 2012

I kept him in our room until about 5-6 months, and then he went into his own room. It's next to ours, so he's not far away. It was hard to move him at first, but we all sleep so much better now that he's not in our room. As they get older, they tend to go to bed (and stay in bed) earlier, which means you either have to go to bed earlier or you have to be super quiet when you go to bed. That's difficult to keep up when you share a room.

HoolahZinger · September 2012

I shared out of circumstances until LO was 14 months and I still hated it. I know DD slept so much better when she could have her own space. It was also easier to sleep train and transition her with other things once she was alone. Also, how can you really be intimate with DH in your space if DD is right there? Lastly, I wouldn't want to repaint a living room if I knew I'd only be there for a year anyhow. That's just my personal opinion though.

azzyberry · September 2012

I think you are setting yourself up for disaster.

Both of my kids slept in our room in a PnP for the first 9 months. I did that mostly because I was BFing and it was more convenient. They transitioned into their own rooms fairly easily. I think after a year they start to develop attachment and they get used to sleeping with you and that is a hard habit to break....and eventually you will want her in her own room.

I've known several people who let their child sleep in their room for the first few years and when they decided to move their child into their own room it was a very long and difficult transition. It took my SIL almost a year to get her DD to stay in her own room through the night.

lucylea · September 2012

I would have absolutely no problem with it. I'd be happy to let DD who is 4.5 sleep in our room every night if she wanted to (she doesn't at this point). I also lend toward gentle, attachment parenting styles, though. For a PP who said you would be weaning to WCM at a year and it would make it difficult, we will be BFing until at least 2 so that wouldn't have been an issue for us either. I also don't believe letting your kid sleep in your room past 6 months, 1 year, or whatever arbitrary number someone wants to put on it, will make the transition harder or scar them for life. When you/they are ready you can gently transition them to their own room.

Also, some states do have rules regarding how many people can occupy a bedroom, but generally (not always) parent/child relationships are excluded from that.

MandiNewMommy · September 2012

Def would not be a fan. Our LO has been in his own room from day one so maybe I am not a good one to ask...but I def think FI and I need our own time and space! G will wake up and play for atleast 20 mins before he "gets up" and I know he wouldnt do that if we were in the room.

PayolaCrayola · September 2012

lucylea:

I would have absolutely no problem with it. I'd be happy to let DD who is 4.5 sleep in our room every night if she wanted to (she doesn't at this point). I also lend toward gentle, attachment parenting styles, though. For a PP who said you would be weaning to WCM at a year and it would make it difficult, we will be BFing until at least 2 so that wouldn't have been an issue for us either. I also don't believe letting your kid sleep in your room past 6 months, 1 year, or whatever arbitrary number someone wants to put on it, will make the transition harder or scar them for life. When you/they are ready you can gently transition them to their own room.

Also, some states do have rules regarding how many people can occupy a bedroom, but generally (not always) parent/child relationships are excluded from that.

I agree. DD still sleeps in our bed even tho she has a huge bedroom and her own bed/crib. I also lean more towards attachment parenting. Maybe i would feel differently if all her stuff were in our room but i doubt it because i love cuddling up to her. Stick out tongue

rnbeth477 · September 2012

No way would I want to keep kids in our room after a year. DS moved permanently to his room at 5 months and we're planning on doing the same with the new baby. We all sleep much better separately. Plus, it's important to have private bedroom time with DH!

NewFamily09 · September 2012

I definitely would not recommend sharing a room with a baby over 1. That's just asking for sleep problems. Plus, it's not good for your marriage to have a baby in the room. You and DH need and deserve a private space to..... you know... do stuff. I would do anything to get her out of your bedroom even if she has to sleep in a living room. When my older brother was a baby, my parents were renovating their tiny house and the only place they could put the crib was in their bathroom.

mesmom2011 · September 2012

NewFamily09:
I definitely would not recommend sharing a room with a baby over 1. That's just asking for sleep problems. Plus, it's not good for your marriage to have a baby in the room. You and DH need and deserve a private space to..... you know... do stuff. I would do anything to get her out of your bedroom even if she has to sleep in a living room. When my older brother was a baby, my parents were renovating their tiny house and the only place they could put the crib was in their bathroom.

Really? I have a wonderful marriage and my DD still sleeps in our room. You can . . . you know. . . do stuff in many other rooms of the house. There is NO WAY I would ever put my DD in the bathroom to sleep - yuck!!!

OP - Do what works for your family. It sounds like your DH would like for your DD to have her own space. In that case, I would work towards that. I suggested that we could move my DD out of our room when she turned 1 and my DH didn't want to. I'm glad that we're both happy to have her in our room and our marriage hasn't suffered at all.

lucylea · September 2012

NewFamily09:
Plus, it's not good for your marriage to have a baby in the room. You and DH need and deserve a private space to..... you know... do stuff.

I can't imagine only ....you know....doing stuff in my bedroom. Our marriage is pretty rocking and was even when our kids slept in our room for the first 6 months each. And I can't imagine sleeping in a bathroom so I wouldn't dream of putting my baby in there. Its kind of like suggesting I breastfeed in the bathroom.....nasty.

ETA: So glad to read your update OP. I think everyone has to do what works for their family, but the hate on room-sharing (or Heaven forbid bed-sharing) really gets to me on TB.

lynsef · September 2012

I didn't like sharing our room with DS. He was a noisy sleeper and I'm a light sleeper so he often woke me up. Plus we always had to be quiet in our room if he was sleeping. We finally moved into a bigger house a couple weeks after his first birthday and he naps and sleeps even better in his own room

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