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Mom getting no weekend night free

ldooldoo member
in Single Parents

OK, so my girls are always in bed at about 8:30, and over the past four years, I've grown quite accustomed to not going out until they were in bed. If I was still married (well, I technically am), I still wouldn't leave on a Friday night after work to go out. I'd wait till by girls are in bed.

So fast forward to now. STBXH and I have been operating under a schedule that gives him Friday and Saturday free from the kids. Fine by me. But after thinking about it and my mom insisting I advocate for myself - I suggested we move our schedule a day, giving me Friday night free (since the girls have to go to him anyway...trust me, I'd rather keep them). 

STBXH refuses, of course. "If it was OK for you before, why change it now?" I don't think a judge, if we took it that far, would force me to have no weekend while he gets it all. 

Then again, maybe they wouldn't care. Plus, I live with my mom right now. I can always go out after they're asleep. As I did for 4 years before.

So, any thoughts on this? I seriously don't care that much if I don't get to do happy hour on Fridays, but I might in 3 years when I'm dating. Should I force the issue now? Aren't there plenty of moms who get no weekend at all? (It just sucks that he gets everything he wants, like always.)

 

 

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Re: Mom getting no weekend night free

  • kllrbnnykllrbnny

    I get where you're coming from because I've been in the same situation. However, I also think you're being a little nitpicky. If you're thinking a few years ahead and expecting the visitation to still be the same then you should think about what is best for the girls. IMO, being at home on school nights is what's best and if you shift things they'll be gone on sunday nights. That is a personal preference though and I wouldn't side eye you for not feeling the same.

    Going out for happy hour once a month isn't going to hurt anyone if your mom is willing to watch the girls. They'll be in their own home so their routine won't be interuppted, plus I think its a good idea for kids to have one on one time with their grandparents. And if they're always in bed by 8:30 then sometimes you can have them ready an hour before bed, jammies and read to whatever your routine is, and then leave your mom in charge for the hour before bed. This option takes nothing away from the girls while allowing you out a bit earlier.

    Of course, if the visitation isn't set in stone, then when the time comes you can certainly bring it up again, I just wouldn't bother to push it with their dad right now b/c he obviously isn't willing to cooperate.

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  • ldooldoo member
    imagekllrbnny:

    I get where you're coming from because I've been in the same situation. However, I also think you're being a little nitpicky. If you're thinking a few years ahead and expecting the visitation to still be the same then you should think about what is best for the girls. IMO, being at home on school nights is what's best and if you shift things they'll be gone on sunday nights. That is a personal preference though and I wouldn't side eye you for not feeling the same.

    Going out for happy hour once a month isn't going to hurt anyone if your mom is willing to watch the girls. They'll be in their own home so their routine won't be interuppted, plus I think its a good idea for kids to have one on one time with their grandparents. And if they're always in bed by 8:30 then sometimes you can have them ready an hour before bed, jammies and read to whatever your routine is, and then leave your mom in charge for the hour before bed. This option takes nothing away from the girls while allowing you out a bit earlier.

    Of course, if the visitation isn't set in stone, then when the time comes you can certainly bring it up again, I just wouldn't bother to push it with their dad right now b/c he obviously isn't willing to cooperate.

    Yeah, as it is now, he has them overnight on Sunday, but I just got him to agree to bring them back Sunday after dinner so they can wake up Monday morning and be ready for school. My mom is the biggest advocate for me setting a schedule now that allows me a bit of a life. Again, I can go out afterward. And really - in time he would allow flexibility, I think. 

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