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what do you think the chances are...

andpro01andpro01
in Blended Families

my DH could get primary custody?  Sorry, this got long!

 Backstory:  I have an 11 (almost 12) YO SS.  DH is the NCP and we have my SS EOWE and every Wed. night.  We also have him every other week for the full week during the summer.

 Anyway, BM calls DH on Fri to tel him she is getting divorced and will need to move.  She mentions she is looking in the same school district she's in now, but it would be a different school.  Side note, my SS has gone to this school since K and its his last year there (6th Grade).  Not ideal, but at least in the same school district. 

BM then tells DH she can't afford any place in the current school district and that now she's looking at moving further away (probably 45 min. drive from us and the complete opposite direction of both our offices).  We strongly feel that this is not in his best interest and it will affect our Wed. night visitation as we're responsible for getting him to school the next morning. 

She's not been the best mom to him over the years (a lot of stuff I'm not going to get into) and we're worried she's going to just leave him all the time by himself so she can have her newly "single" life.  We're also concerned that one move is going to turn into several moves in a short amount of time.

Sorry for that to get long, but what do you think our chances would be of getting custody reversed if we were to go to court.  We honestly think it would be in SS's best interest to be with us, just not sure if the courts would agree.

 

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Re: what do you think the chances are...

  • kllrbnnykllrbnny

    Her move would count as enough of a change in circumstances for it to be reviewed, but as far as his chances at getting custody, there are just too many factors. How close to the school do you guys live? What is your housing situation, job situation, lifestyle? What are the things that you think constitute her not having been a good mom. How does the kid feel about things?(depending on his maturity level some judges may take his feelings into consideration, though no judge has to and it will never be the deciding factor.)

    Custody is up to the judge's discretion. These things can vary state to state, county to county and even judge to judge. Go talk to a lawyer. A lot of lawyers will do free consultations and will be able to give you a better idea of where you stand.

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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member

    I highly doubt you would get primary custody over a 45 minute move unless you have substantial proof against BM for other issues even with a change in schools. Intact families have children that switch schools as well so that is completely normal for a child. In my state, the CP can move anywhere within contingent counties that would average probably a max of 2-3 hours away in my state.

    BM moved to another county once about an hour away. She only lived there about 6 months and yes, we essentially lost our weeknight visits during that time because there was no way possible for us to make it to her house by the appointed time during the week. It sucked but there was nothing we could do and we were glad when she moved back.

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  • KaeldrasmommyKaeldrasmommy member
    imagegin9874:

    I highly doubt you would get primary custody over a 45 minute move unless you have substantial proof against BM for other issues even with a change in schools. Intact families have children that switch schools as well so that is completely normal for a child. In my state, the CP can move anywhere within contingent counties that would average probably a max of 2-3 hours away in my state.

    BM moved to another county once about an hour away. She only lived there about 6 months and yes, we essentially lost our weeknight visits during that time because there was no way possible for us to make it to her house by the appointed time during the week. It sucked but there was nothing we could do and we were glad when she moved back.

    This. I would bet that a judge would consider it to be more of a problem to have custody change than to change schools.
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  • hterry85hterry85 member
    45 minutes probably would not be near enough to get a change. Especially since he HAS been in the same school for so long...if she were moving him every 6 months that would be different, but one school change is not going to ruin a kid. The most change you would probably see would be to ask for her to do the extra travel since she is the one moving.
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  • new+tothisnew+tothis member
    Honestly, I don't think 45 minutes is enough to warrant a serious change. X and I used to live in the same town. He moved 20 minutes away. No problem, right? Then I moved 20 minutes away but in a different direction. All he!! breaks loose. We live 30-40 minutes apart. We still make split custody work. It sucks sometimes but it's what we've got. I would look into your CO if you're really concerned. You may have a clause about how far away either party can move. Honestly, I think it's not a good battle to fight.
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  • jnjmommy0609jnjmommy0609

    Sorry but that isn't a good enough reason. I live two hours away from my ex and we make it work.

     

    Prove she is an unfit mother then you got something

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  • Moschic31Moschic31

    I agree with the other posters.  I think it is unlikely that a Judge would move for a change in custody based on the distance she is moving away.  Although the child may not like the idea of going to a new school, it is not detrimental to his well being. It takes a lot to change custody, even if you have information that you consider proves that BM is an unfit parent.  BM in our case did some horrible things, and my FI was only awarded custody of one of his children after BM dropped the child off on our doorstep and refused to communicate with the child or the FI for almost two months (there was more to it, but I digress). 

    This may be one battle you should wait on.  If the child starts school and his grades start to slip, you notice a change in his behavior, or the mom does start moving around -then consider moving to file for a change in the custody arrangement.   Luck to you.

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  • wwnbwwwnbw member
    45 minutes isn't the end of the world. I have to take SS to school EO M, T, W, and pick him up EO F, M, T 30 minutes away. It's hard but it can be done. I don't think you would get custody reversed but you maybe could prevent her from moving.
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  • andpro01andpro01

    Thanks for the replies.  I am tending to agree with you all the more I think about it.  I guess we're also concerned because her soon to be XH really did/does everything for SS.  School pick-ups/drop-offs, attendance at any school functions...BM rarely attends anything.  I just am not sure we have enough on her to make the change.  From what my SS says, he would rather live with us...I know the judge would consider that in his decision, just not sure how big of part it would play. 

    I checked the CO, there isn't something about distance, but there is a clause about the length of time prior to the move she has to notify us via certified mail.

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