Baby Shower Etiquette - Tongue in Cheek

growbeangrow · September 2012

A summary of what I've learned on this board:

- It's tacky to have a relative throw your shower, but it's also rude to decline.

- You shouldn't have a shower for a second child, but if you call it a "sprinkle" it's okay. And it's fine if you meet one of many exceptions: sob story, kids many years apart, it's your husband's first child but your second etc etc.

- If you register for expensive items, you are considered gift grabby even though it's common for people to go in on gifts together.

- If you only register for little items, someone may be concerned that you haven't prepared for the baby adequately.

- It's tacky for your host to mention that people can bring books or other specific items to your shower, but yet it's okay to have a baby registry.

- Your registry should be everything that you are going to buy for yourself at the end of your pregnancy. Really, ladies? And you bought all of the utensils, pots, pans etc. on your wedding registry?

Regardless of what you do, you are bound to offend someone. But seriously, the bottom line is enjoy your pregnancies ladies and do what is acceptable in your family, your culture, and your circle of friends.

moonglow_84 · September 2012

lol... I agree and disagree with different points...

people come on here just to get others' opinions on certain situations... lots of things vary based on the person or the circumstances (just like you say at the end of your post - you end up doing what's acceptable in your family/circle). There are lots of opinions given on this site that I disagree with. I do think that some people are a little uptight.. and I've never heard of "gift grabby" until I came onto TB, but that's because in my circle, you aren't considered selfish if you have lots of guests, register for expensive things or have a huge registry. Other circles are different. That's why we ask each other.

People ask questions, others give their opinions... there are always people who agree/disagree with each other based on their own experiences. There's no one ediquette God on here or one set of rules... just discussions (sometimes snarky discussions... which to me aren't necessary but to each their own).

And yes, my DH and I did buy everything on our wedding registry that was left over afterwards.

growbeangrow · September 2012

Interesting - it's also normal to see higher priced items on registries in this area. I've never heard of any criticism of large registries or many guests at showers either.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

Oh look...Someone who wants to stir the pot...How original. Huh?

The fact is, people come here looking for OPINIONS. This is a public message board...if you post asking for opinions, you will get them. And you will get many differing opinions. That's just how it works. No, everyone isn't going to agree on what is "tacky" and what isn't. That being said, some things are basic etiquette and should be pointed out.

growbeangrow · September 2012

That was exactly my point - everyone has different opinions on these things.

MommyLuvsMe1210 · September 2012

MrsNorry:
Oh look...Someone who wants to stir the pot...How original.
The fact is, people come here looking for OPINIONS. This is a public message board...if you post asking for opinions, you will get them. And you will get many differing opinions. That's just how it works. No, everyone isn't going to agree on what is "tacky" and what isn't. That being said, some things are basic etiquette and should be pointed out.

I agree with the bold, but also have to mention that tips on etiquette are just that - tips. Not steadfast rules.

Like OP said, every social circle/family dynamic is different, but like the above poster stated some basic etiquette needs to be pointed out when the post asks for a general opinion of the masses without giving a back story as to what is/isn't acceptable in their world.

BallSox · September 2012

growbeangrow:
A summary of what I've learned on this board:

- It's tacky to have a relative throw your shower, but it's also rude to decline. Wrong, you have every right to decline.
- You shouldn't have a shower for a second child, but if you call it a "sprinkle" it's okay. And it's fine if you meet one of many exceptions: sob story, kids many years apart, it's your husband's first child but your second etc etc. Grey area, most sprinkles are actually showers in my book and regardless of sob story, it's tacky
- If you register for expensive items, you are considered gift grabby even though it's common for people to go in on gifts together. Wrong, I only said it was tacky if you wouldn't even consider spending that much of your own money on the same item.
- If you only register for little items, someone may be concerned that you haven't prepared for the baby adequately. Says who?
- It's tacky for your host to mention that people can bring books or other specific items to your shower, but yet it's okay to have a baby registry. Wrong, a registry is a list of items that you are planning on buying yourself, it gives a guest the option of purchasing something that you "need" if they would like to. Asking them to bring something specific to the shower is more of a demand. "I want you to bring X" vs "If you are curious as to what I still need, these are things I'm planning on buying myself".
- Your registry should be everything that you are going to buy for yourself at the end of your pregnancy. Really, ladies? And you bought all of the utensils, pots, pans etc. on your wedding registry? As adults, hopefully you've grown to realize that everything the saleswoman told you needed you don't actually need. Plus, comparing preparing a household for years of a variety of entertaining =/= raising a baby for the first couple of years. You know you're going to need a place for them to sleep, a way for them to eat, a carseat, etc.

Regardless of what you do, you are bound to offend someone. But seriously, the bottom line is enjoy your pregnancies ladies and do what is acceptable in your family, your culture, and your circle of friends.

The main thing you should have learned from all of this has to deal with the part I italicized. If you have to come here and ask if you should do x,y,z or if it's ok to do x,y,z-----it's not common enough in your circle.

For example, if I don't know how to word "please bring a package of diapers for a diaper raffle" it's not a common event in my social circle and therefore--- Tacky.

Cranang · September 2012

MrsNorry:

Oh look...Someone who wants to stir the pot...How original.

THIS.

OP, so bottom line, you've learned nothing. Thanks for your awesome "tongue in cheek" insight.

morethancottoncandy · September 2012

It cracks me up that you actually spent time typing this.

Sarita768 · September 2012

I guess I didn't know that having my mom host my baby shower was tacky. None of my close friends have had babies yet, and many are just starting out their careers, so no one was really offering. I think there are too many rules for baby showers.

Unknown · September 2012

This content has been removed.

brooke&ryan&baby · September 2012

Amen!!

Liz4444 · September 2012

What's your pointless point, OP? Other that to be snarky?

PrimRoseMama · September 2012

BallSox:
growbeangrow:
A summary of what I've learned on this board: 
 
- It's tacky to have a relative throw your shower, but it's also rude to decline. Wrong, you have every right to decline.
- You shouldn't have a shower for a second child, but if you call it a "sprinkle" it's okay. And it's fine if you meet one of many exceptions: sob story, kids many years apart, it's your husband's first child but your second etc etc. Grey area, most sprinkles are actually showers in my book and regardless of sob story, it's tacky
- If you register for expensive items, you are considered gift grabby even though it's common for people to go in on gifts together. Wrong, I only said it was tacky if you wouldn't even consider spending that much of your own money on the same item. 
- If you only register for little items, someone may be concerned that you haven't prepared for the baby adequately.  Says who?
- It's tacky for your host to mention that people can bring books or other specific items to your shower, but yet it's okay to have a baby registry. Wrong, a registry is a list of items that you are planning on buying yourself, it gives a guest the option of purchasing something that you "need" if they would like to.  Asking them to bring something specific to the shower is more of a demand.  "I want you to bring X" vs "If you are curious as to what I still need, these are things I'm planning on buying myself". 
- Your registry should be everything that you are going to buy for yourself at the end of your pregnancy. Really, ladies? And you bought all of the utensils, pots, pans etc. on your wedding registry? As adults, hopefully you've grown to realize that everything the saleswoman told you needed you don't actually need.  Plus, comparing preparing a household for years of a variety of entertaining =/= raising a baby for the first couple of years.  You know you're going to need a place for them to sleep, a way for them to eat, a carseat, etc. 
 
Regardless of what you do, you are bound to offend someone. But seriously, the bottom line is enjoy your pregnancies ladies and do what is acceptable in your family, your culture, and your circle of friends. 
The main thing you should have learned from all of this has to deal with the part I italicized.   If you have to come here and ask if you should do x,y,z or if it's ok to do x,y,z-----it's not common enough in your circle. 

For example, if I don't know how to word "please bring a package of diapers for a diaper raffle" it's not a common event in my social circle and therefore--- Tacky.

I agree with Ball Sox. OP, go ahead and feel sorry for my husband and baby already. Posts like these never change the tone of a board. They just make it easier to mock you.

hansonam446 · September 2012

What is with all these "tips" posts popping up lately? First in 1st Tri and then in 2nd Tri with A/S. We know, you can stop now.

lancyjo · September 2012

SmileyGirl18:

I completely agree with BallSox. In my circle, the book instead of card thing is very common so I didn't come on here and ask if it was "ok." If you ask for an opinion, you need to accept that you may not get the answer you were looking for.

Where I think this board can get a little harsh (and it has been MUCH better in the past couple of weeks) is judging others for their opinions. If a poster asks for an opinion then there shouldn't be attacks on ladies who don't agree with the different opinions.

It must be time for the quarterly "be nice" admonition. Huh?

Most of the people who get flamed, rebuked, titled as "gift grabby" and "tacky" around here would have saved themselves the butt-hurt feelings had they actually lurked a bit before posting. (I should know, I'm a lurker!)

MySallyGirl · September 2012

Bliss+Berry:
Uh, thanks for the (pointless and inaccurate) summary.

Ummm this.

PrimRoseMama · September 2012

SmileyGirl18:
lancyjo:
SmileyGirl18:

I completely agree with BallSox.  In my circle, the book instead of card thing is very common so I didn't come on here and ask if it was "ok."   If you ask for an opinion, you need to accept that you may not get the answer you were looking for. 

Where I think this board can get a little harsh (and it has been MUCH better in the past couple of weeks) is judging others for their opinions.  If a poster asks for an opinion then there shouldn't be attacks on ladies who don't agree with the different opinions. 

It must be time for the quarterly "be nice" admonition.

Most of the people who get flamed, rebuked, titled as "gift grabby" and "tacky" around here would have saved themselves the butt-hurt feelings had they actually lurked a bit before posting. (I should know, I'm a lurker!)

I don't know.  I get attacked for my opinions all the time and I post pretty often.  However, like I said, it has been MUCH better the past couple of weeks.  I have no issue with people disagreeing with me, but I am not a fan of being called rude or tacky.

KSullivan100 · September 2012

growbeangrow:

A summary of what I've learned on this board:

- It's tacky to have a relative throw your shower, but it's also rude to decline.

Maybe I will get flamed for this, but I never understood why this is a problem.

growbeangrow · September 2012

KSullivan100:
growbeangrow:

A summary of what I've learned on this board:

- It's tacky to have a relative throw your shower, but it's also rude to decline.

Maybe I will get flamed for this, but I never understood why this is a problem.

I'm with you. My sister is throwing mine.

BallSox · September 2012

SmileyGirl18:
PrimRoseMama:
SmileyGirl18:
lancyjo:
SmileyGirl18:

I completely agree with BallSox. In my circle, the book instead of card thing is very common so I didn't come on here and ask if it was "ok." If you ask for an opinion, you need to accept that you may not get the answer you were looking for.

Where I think this board can get a little harsh (and it has been MUCH better in the past couple of weeks) is judging others for their opinions. If a poster asks for an opinion then there shouldn't be attacks on ladies who don't agree with the different opinions.

It must be time for the quarterly "be nice" admonition.

Most of the people who get flamed, rebuked, titled as "gift grabby" and "tacky" around here would have saved themselves the butt-hurt feelings had they actually lurked a bit before posting. (I should know, I'm a lurker!)

I don't know. I get attacked for my opinions all the time and I post pretty often. However, like I said, it has been MUCH better the past couple of weeks. I have no issue with people disagreeing with me, but I am not a fan of being called rude or tacky.

And this is exactly what I am talking about. Nothing constructive, posted just to be Funny.

FTFY

AF9211 · September 2012

Love love love this!! Yes

AF9211 · September 2012

Please don't stone/ridicule me for asking Embarrassed

, but why is it considered poor etiquette for a relative to host a MTB's baby shower? Just curious...

MommyEarl09 · September 2012

Wow everything I did probably was tacky by most standards then...my sister hosted my first baby shower because she loves me and wanted to celebrate with me and do that for me...don't think that's wrong. My second "shower" was nothing more than a celebration party that we were having a baby. Yes I did a registry but only because people kept asking. And my husband and I hosted it ourselves because financially we didn't want someone else to pay for a celebration party for our child. This is number 3...yes I have a registry for people who like to buy gifts and for my out of state family but we are hosting a diaper party for this one.
I think someone else may have already said this but there are too many "etiquette" rules for baby showers. Do what you want.

hansonam446 · September 2012

KSullivan100:
growbeangrow:

A summary of what I've learned on this board:

- It's tacky to have a relative throw your shower, but it's also rude to decline.

Maybe I will get flamed for this, but I never understood why this is a problem.

Never have I heard of this.

Court7803 · September 2012

I lol'd at the post. I think alot of people on these boards are prudes with sticks up there asses anyways, soooo that's whatcha get.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

Court7803:
I lol'd at the post. I think alot of people on these boards are prudes with sticks up there asses anyways, soooo that's whatcha get.

Yes, because having manners=being a prude. I totally see your logic here. Huh?

Court7803 · September 2012

There is a difference between having manners and being a prude.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

Court7803:
There is a difference between having manners and being a prude.

Lol, yes, thank you for making my point. And please use the quote button. It's right next to 'reply'.

Court7803 · September 2012

Im not sure what point your trying to make? That there is NO prudes that post here?

Cranang · September 2012

Court7803:
Im not sure what point your trying to make? That there is NO prudes that post here?

LOL, Who let this girl on the board? She's awesome at FAIL! (And subject/verb agreement...)

[Deleted User] · September 2012

Cranang:
Court7803:
Im not sure what point your trying to make? That there is NO prudes that post here?

LOL, Who let this girl on the board? She's awesome at FAIL! (And subject/verb agreement...)

Yeah...the stupid, it burns.

Liz4444 · September 2012

Court7803:
I lol'd at the post. I think alot of people on these boards are prudes with sticks up there asses anyways, soooo that's whatcha get.

Damnit, I knew they forgot to pull something out when they pulled out the baby.

MCRM22011 · September 2012

- It's tacky to have a relative throw your shower, but it's also rude to decline.

It's tacky to have a shower thrown by a relative? Every wedding/ baby shower I've been to has been hosted by the mother of the person getting married/ having the baby.

- You shouldn't have a shower for a second child, but if you call it a "sprinkle" it's okay. And it's fine if you meet one of many exceptions: sob story, kids many years apart, it's your husband's first child but your second etc etc.

No one should ever have their own shower, but if someone offers a sprinkle, it's up the the person to decline/ accept

- If you register for expensive items, you are considered gift grabby even though it's common for people to go in on gifts together.

I think if you register for only expensive items, then people would consider that a problem. If there's a mix of low to high, that shouldn't be considered gift grabby.

- If you only register for little items, someone may be concerned that you haven't prepared for the baby adequately.

This seems silly to me.

- It's tacky for your host to mention that people can bring books or other specific items to your shower, but yet it's okay to have a baby registry.

A person is free to buy whatever they want off the registry. I've actually only used a baby registry one time. Before that, I bought what I wanted. But yes, I'd be annoyed if I was told I had to bring something specific because that takes away from the enjoyment of picking a gift. If I'm going off a registry, I'm still selecting what I want. Specifically, I was told to bring a "changing" item for a wishing well -- Desitin, wipes, etc. That annoys me. I'm simply not going to bring a wishing well item.

- Your registry should be everything that you are going to buy for yourself at the end of your pregnancy. Really, ladies? And you bought all of the utensils, pots, pans etc. on your wedding registry?

No, I don't believe this. People have the right to change their minds. Also, someone may have registered for a certain item, but received a similar one at their shower. Now they no longer need the other item.

Regardless of what you do, you are bound to offend someone. But seriously, the bottom line is enjoy your pregnancies ladies and do what is acceptable in your family, your culture, and your circle of friends.

I agree with this.

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Baby Shower Etiquette - Tongue in Cheek

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