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A Kind-of-Lurker Seeking Advice

OKittyOKitty member
in Adoption

DH and I were approached with a potential situation this past weekend. A pregnant friend of a friend of DH's cousin (geesh!) is considering adoption. This good-intentioned family member gave our name to this potential birthmother.

At this time, we are in process with an adoption agency. We are still interviewing with them and have our fingers crossed we can be accepted. We still need to have an interview (Oct 2012), take a class (Feb 2013) and initiate our homestudy (approx March 2013) with the agency. Yes, it is taking FOREVER.

 If this potential birthmother would like to proceed with meeting us/making an adoption plan/etc, what would you suggest we do to prepare? How would you suggest counseling this BM through the adoption process? What resources would we need? Does an agency assist with a match made outside of their pool?

I'm sorry this is so discombobulated! Please ask questions to clarify and thanks for any information you can help me with!

Trying to Add Baby #1 Since 12/2008
Dx: Unexplained Infertility
Spring 2010: 3 Clomid + TI
Jan 2011: 2 Femara IUI's
Summer 2011: 6 months of Chiropractic Therapy
March 2012: Confirmed Agency, Meeting set
July 2012: Homeopath consult (fail!)
July 2012: Start of Agency Meetings/Paperwork
October 2012: Agency Interview
February 2013: Tenative Agency Training
March 2013: Tenative Homestudy start date
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Re: A Kind-of-Lurker Seeking Advice

  • Mrs.SlickMrs.Slick member
    Some agencies will assist with situations like this and some won't. If not, you can find another agency that will or a adoption attorney who specializes in these types of situations.

    I would strongly suggest, whichever way you decide to proceed, to seek assistance from professionals. And professionals that have your and this woman's best interests at heart.

    Good luck!
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    Little Slick
    Born 6.26.10
    Forever a Family 11.26.12
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  • MayDayGirlMayDayGirl member
    We we waiting with an agency when dd came along with literally like a days notice. Our agency got involved after birth bc it was so quick, and did all the paperwork. We paid a smaller fee than had we been placed through them, but they offered Bm all the same services.
    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    Some agencies will assist with this--ours does. They would expedite a homestudy, and would hook us up with lawyers, etc. I think they'd also provide counseling. Our fee would have been cut in half. We had a longshot identified adoption (that's their term for what you're describing) that I explored with them.

    In your case, I would suggest you have the expectant mom find counseling, either through an agency or independently. And I would suggest you find an adoption lawyer ASAP.

    You can also contact the agencies you're interested in and see if they can help you with this at all.

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  • silliestbunnysilliestbunny member

    If this situation looks promising, you may want to ask very pointed questions to the agency.  If you present w/a situation, you should not be paying full fees IMO.  You are not seeking their help for a match. 

    You may want to weigh options w/a few agencies as well as a lawyer. 

     Does that make sense?? I hate to be the person who talks money... but it does matter and you shouldn't be forced to pay agency fees if they are not offering full agency services.

     

    As for Emom, if there's a way you can encourage her to get to counseling, DO! 

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  • OKittyOKitty member

    Thanks for all the suggestions ladies! We are pretty spoiled with our potential agency in that they don't charge fees for the adoption process. If matched and placed with them, we only have to pay for the fees linked to finalization. They have an office close to us, so hopefully they can be helpful. I will just have to ask I guess. 

    Last I knew, the Emom was going to chat with the chain of friends linked to us this weekend. I suppose if more comes from that, I will be back with more questions! I appreciate your time spent on me!

    Trying to Add Baby #1 Since 12/2008
    Dx: Unexplained Infertility
    Spring 2010: 3 Clomid + TI
    Jan 2011: 2 Femara IUI's
    Summer 2011: 6 months of Chiropractic Therapy
    March 2012: Confirmed Agency, Meeting set
    July 2012: Homeopath consult (fail!)
    July 2012: Start of Agency Meetings/Paperwork
    October 2012: Agency Interview
    February 2013: Tenative Agency Training
    March 2013: Tenative Homestudy start date
    Report Reply
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