Need Advice/Mother issues

tdoyen · September 2012

Ladies, I need your advice on an issue with my mother. For some reason, she is refusing to let me tell her the sex of our baby. Even though I have told my siblings and I am very open about the sex with everyone, my mother doesn't want it spoken in front of her. My best friend is working on shower stuff and she is starting to look at themes/invites that are gender neutral because my mother has told her she doesn't want to know the sex. I am starting to get really annoyed because now I feel like she's affecting my shower negatively and she is unavailable to help me plan the nursery and other fun stuff. I tried to tell her that she's being unsupportive and she wouldn't hear it.

Am I making too big a deal of this? Should I just shout, "It's a boy" at the top of my lungs or just give in and let this dictate my shower and nursery colors? This is starting to really annoy me. Thanks in advance all.

this decaf life · September 2012

Your mom needs to respect that it's your baby & your family chose to find out. Whether she wants to know or not I think you should tell her before the shower.

EAMommy · September 2012

this decaf life:
Your mom needs to respect that it's your baby & your family chose to find out. Whether she wants to know or not I think you should tell her before the shower.

I agree. You chose to find out so you can plan ahead. Obviously you are going to want to register for some gender specific items and/or those family members and friends who know are going to buy you gender specific items. Your mom is going to find out when she looks at your registry or when you open gifts at the shower. Sorry you are dealing with this.

sesigs · September 2012

That is really just bizarre. Your mom needs to get over it. It is your and YH's decision about finding out the sex. You shouldn't have to make your shower, registry, and nursery gender neutral because she doesn't want to know. If I were you I would just let it slip ... she may freak out but she'll get over it. You should be enjoying your pregnancy not walking on eggshells afraid to spill the beans to her! I hope she comes around!

AVioletV · September 2012

I wouldn't necessarily tell her outright, but obviously you wouldn't limit your decorating and baby shower theme to shelter her. If she sees it and figures it out, so be it. Until then, try not to let it get to you so much.

chance_encounters · September 2012

What is her reasoning behind not wanting to know? Is it some belief or is she just being stubborn? She has made her choice and you have made yours. Her decision should NOT affect your shower. I think she is being rediculous.

moonglow_84 · September 2012

I wouldn't give in to this... Especially it affecting my nursery decor and my shower. She's being a little unreasonable... Maybe she wants to be surprised but all she's doing at this point is making everything harder on you. I'd just let it slip during conversation or something. She'll be ticked at first but then I'm sure she'll get over it.

bstengler · September 2012

i guess i could understand if you were keeping it a secret.... but your not... thats odd.... you should just tell her lol!! and this is your baby your pregnancy. if you want to shout at the top of your lungs that your having a boy... go right ahead!

+lisamarie+ · September 2012

Hmmmm...odd. unless she plans on not coming to your shower, house, or family gathers where baby will be talked about and gender will be obvious, then I count worry about it. She is going to find out one way or another unless she isolates herself!!

clariknittist · September 2012

Wow, I've never heard of anything like this...I'm sure someone somewhere will slip around her, and would that really be how she would want to find out? If I were you, I'd want to make sure I was the one to tell her...but I guess it also depends on why she doesn't want to know. If everyone else knows, it's nice that they are trying to be careful around her, but I'd worry at some point it'll just happen accidentally...

dlbrous · September 2012

Tell her that she will find out anyway, unless she doesn't plan on coming to your shower. See what she says. Don't tailor the shower around her request not to find out. Make sure you tell her that you are not changing the theme of the shower because of this. She is being silly and the sooner she finds out, the better.

mz07 · September 2012

chance_encounters:
What is her reasoning behind not wanting to know?nbsp; Is it some belief or is she just being stubborn?nbsp; She has made her choice and you have made yours.nbsp; Her decision should NOT affect your shower.nbsp; I think she is being rediculous.

This was my thought... Why is she being so weird? My thought is that you should definitely not cater to her weirdness, but if you know why, perhaps you can address the underlying reasons for her actions and keep it from becoming a bigger deal than she's already made it.

tdoyen · September 2012

chance_encounters:
What is her reasoning behind not wanting to know? Is it some belief or is she just being stubborn? She has made her choice and you have made yours. Her decision should NOT affect your shower. I think she is being rediculous.

She says she can't explain it and shuts down. I suspect that she is fearful of it being a boy. We don't have a great track record with boys in my family. They tend to be terrible disappointments. I don't want her putting that baggage on my child and I would rather her get over it now versus later. The odd thing is that she wants us to host the shower at her place so she really is trying to influence all of my planning and I am just not in the mood for that!

Chocodoxies · September 2012

sesigs:
That is really just bizarre. Your mom needs to get over it. It is your and YH's decision about finding out the sex. You shouldn't have to make your shower, registry, and nursery gender neutral because she doesn't want to know. If I were you I would just let it slip ... she may freak out but she'll get over it. You should be enjoying your pregnancy not walking on eggshells afraid to spill the beans to her! I hope she comes around!

I would either do this or I would go along with not telling her but just live life as is. The shower will blow it when she see's the cute boy clothes, the nursery will blow it when you decorate it, your younger family members could slip up. Don't walk on egg shells, just live life. Sticking your head in the sand never works out for the one with their head in the sand.

TofuMama7 · September 2012

I would tell your friend not to plan anything about the shower around your mother. The shower is about you. She'd figure it out by the gifts anyway.

I'd tell your mom that the baby's gender will be apparent at the shower and that you and your husband are not going to refrain from talking about the sex of your baby around her. You don't need to throw blue glitter in her face, but it would be annoying to have to censor every baby-related comment - explain that to her.

If she wants to skip the shower and avoid you until January that's her business.

laurapacheco · September 2012

TofuMama7:
I would tell your friend not to plan anything about the shower around your mother. The shower is about you. She'd figure it out by the gifts anyway.

I'd tell your mom that the baby's gender will be apparent at the shower and that you and your husband are not going to refrain from talking about the sex of your baby around her. You don't need to throw blue glitter in her face, but it would be annoying to have to censor every baby-related comment - explain that to her.

If she wants to skip the shower and avoid you until January that's her business.

This, and same goes for the nursery. Don't let her crazy make you crazy! Wink GL

LaurelBee · September 2012

TofuMama7:
I would tell your friend not to plan anything about the shower around your mother. The shower is about you. She'd figure it out by the gifts anyway.

I'd tell your mom that the baby's gender will be apparent at the shower and that you and your husband are not going to refrain from talking about the sex of your baby around her. You don't need to throw blue glitter in her face, but it would be annoying to have to censor every baby-related comment - explain that to her.

If she wants to skip the shower and avoid you until January that's her business.

Sorry quote function is acting wonky. I agree with this! Except I support you throwing blue glitter in her face bc it sounds like fun haha Sorry you're dealing with this.

sbevmc09 · September 2012

AVioletV:
I wouldn't necessarily tell her outright, but obviously you wouldn't limit your decorating and baby shower theme to shelter her. If she sees it and figures it out, so be it. Until then, try not to let it get to you so much.

I agree with this. I might even mention to her that it's fine if she doesn't want you to tell her the sex outright, but that's not going to change plans for your shower, etc. that way she at least has a heads up. I definitely think she's being unreasonable, or at least she is if she's hoping to be part of the preparation process (shower, gifts, nursery decor, etc.). It's definitely up to you and your H whether to find out or not and since you decided to find out it's kind of hard to keep it under wraps. She needs to understand that :shrug:

jessrenee11 · September 2012

This would piss me off to no end. I would make a giant sign that says "it's a boy, deal with it!" and post it in her front yard.

Im sorry but your mother is being completely unreasonable. Id tell her if she wants the shower at her house then she is gonna have to find to deal with it. What are you suppose to send out the invites saying " shhh grandma doesnt want to know the sex so no one can talk about it at my shower"

Id sit down with your mom and just be frank with her and tell her how this is affecting you. She needs to put her big girl panties on.

Smashdance · September 2012

I agree with everyone else in that it's pretty ridiculous for her to ask you to keep it a secret from her. If she wants to help plan the shower, she's just going to have to deal with knowing. I mean, the baby's going to be a boy no matter when she finds out, right?

lakreuz · September 2012

My parents were also dead set against finding out becuase "it's supposed to be a surprise!" To which I said "it's a surprise no matter when you find out!" I had a gender reveal party with both sides of the family, all of our friends, and cupcakes filled with blue icing. I invited them, told them I wanted them to come, and they did. But of course they let everyone at the party know that they would've waited if it were up to them! Haha...

Mommyluv384 · September 2012

I'd register for what you want and when she looks she will get the hint. I wouldn't purposely tell her if she really didn't want to know.

tdoyen · September 2012

Thank you all for confirming that I am not the crazy one here. I will go about my business and make no effort to hide it and instruct my best friend to do the same. It's just bizarre.

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