Returning gifts?

Re: Returning gifts?

• 1026pumpkin member

  September 2012

  I'm so sorry about your loss.  I don't think there is any etiquette in this case, and I'm certain that anyone that bought you a gift has no expectation of it being returned.  (This is very different than a cancelled wedding or engagement).  I think it depends on how you're feeling about the items.  If you'd like to hold onto them for sentimental reasons, I'd do that.  If it's upsetting to you to keep them, you could donate them to a woman's shelter or return them to the givers.  Maybe consider whether it would be upsetting/timeconsuming to return each gift to the giver and if it's going to be a burden on you, then donate.  I'm sure your gift-givers would want you to do whatever is best and easist for you.

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• PrimRoseMama member

  September 2012

  ILoveRedVino:

  Thankfully there weren't many, but we did have a handful of friends send gifts when we got past the first trimester and announced our pregnancy.nbsp; We had a late loss, and I'm now debating whether to send those back to the people who gave them to us.nbsp;
  I had no attachment to the particular gifts we received, so it isn't too emotional to return them.nbsp; My guess is that most had been purchased at a retail store and the gifters could easily return them, but one was probably ordered/made for us specifically.nbsp; I just don't know about etiquette in this case.nbsp; Ideas?

  
  
  I am so very sorry for your loss.
  
  You can see if the store will give you a gift card with credit on it? I know it is too soon to maybe talk TTC for your situation, but getting store credit could benefit you later.
  
  I lost one baby at 20 weeks. I kept a couple of gifts from that period for the memory box. It is probably just me, and everyone is different with how they handle grief, but I kept one or two toys sent to me for my lost baby. Even though she's got far better toys in heaven, I am always wanting to have one thing in the house that is "hers" to play with. She's gone but it's a piece I have that I can sit with if I need to cry or feel close to. I know you said you do not have an emotional attachment to the items, but you might consider using the store credit to get something special in memorial of your angel.
  
  I am so sorry.

  
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• moonglow_84

  September 2012

  I'm so sorry for your loss

  I'm sure your gift-givers would not expect the gifts to be returned to them.  I agree with the pp who said donating them to a shelter or something?  If I had bought a gift for a friend and this had happened, I would feel ok with knowing that that is where my gift went to.
  As for the one that was specially made for you, perhaps you could tuck it away somewhere in your home so that it is safe until you need it again.

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• graciesmurf member

  September 2012

  I am so sorry.  I can't imagine what you are going through.  I agree with PPs, do whatever you are most comfortable with.  I'm sure everyone will understand.

  

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• Cranang member

  September 2012

  Personally, I donated my daughter's items.  I don't think anyone would've wanted them back, given the circumstances, and I certainly didn't want them around.  I kept some sentimental things for her memory box, but everything else went to charity.  There are a lot of women out there that could use those things, so I felt like they ended up in good homes.

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• cherrycobbler member

  September 2012

  I'm so sorry about your loss.  I had an emergency c/s at 33 wks (2 wks after our shower) and our boy passed 6 days after that.  When I could, I returned everything I could that I did not have an attachment to and I got store credit.  I had talked to my mom and MIL and both said this was acceptable (not that they are Emily Post-but the older generations in our families seem to have a decent handle on this type of etiquette).  I had not even gotten around to writing my thank yous, as one day after the shower I became pretty ill.  I believe, like other posters have mentioned, no one should expect to get those gifts back in this situation. Part of my reason for returning items to the store was that I did hope to have another baby sometime in the near future and I knew I would not have another shower and I also wanted to be sure that if by chance anything was recalled or whatever, I wouldn't be stuck with an unsafe product and I could shop for newer and better items in the future.  If, for whatever reason, we do not get to have another child, I will eventually take that store credit and give it to charity.

   I did keep the 1 outfit I purchased specifically for him, 1 particular owl toy, and the two handmade blankets from dear friends- they are all in his memory box.

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• [Deleted User] member

  September 2012

  I'm so sorry for your loss

  I do agree with PP that donating is a great option if you are comfortable with that. I certainly don't think anyone expects you to return the gifts to them, in any case. If you know where the items came from, you can also try returning them for store credit. 

  It's a sucky situation to be in and I'm sorry you even have to deal with this issue. 
  

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