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Blended Families
CFjo2010
member
BD's birthday, and no I didn't remember it.
CFjo2010
member
Apparently last week was BD's birthday. We've been separated/divorced for over 7 years. I'm sorry but I genuinely did not remember it was his birthday, so I didn't make the kids call or send cards or anything. This weekend I received an irate text from him yelling at me for "keeping the kids" from him and not "allowing them to call". Um, the kids were at school, and then had football and cheer practice so it's not as though they were really home anyways. And again, I didn't realize it was his birthday. I didn't respond to him because truthfully, this is the same man that didn't bother acknowledging my son's birthday and called my daughter 2 hours after she went to bed on her birthday. I don't feel bad at all that the kids didn't call him, since he already proved that their birthdays aren't high on his list of priorities.
Sunday was my birthday and while we were at dinner, my son made a comment about my birthday and his father's birthday being so close together. I asked if he knew when BD's birthday was and he said it was on FB last week. I asked if he told BD "happy birthday" and he said "No, why should I? It's not like he cares about our birthdays.". Ouch. Poor kid. After dinner Sunday night I went through and put BD's birthday in my son's Kindle and cellphone, and in my daughter's Nintendo DS. That way they'll get reminders next year and they can let me know when they want to call. That's really all I'm expected to do right? I feel like if he would man up and maintain some sort of relationship with them, then the kids would actually want to talk to him or send him a card for his birthday. Aren't parents supposed to make more of an effort then the kids?
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Re: BD's birthday, and no I didn't remember it.
Maybe this says something about me as a person, but if XH did that to me, I would laugh. And your XH is even more douche-y than mine, so I have absolutely no sympathy for him.
Even when BM was an involved parent, I would not have the kids call on her birthday. She's the adult; she can call.
As far as cards/gifts from the child, unless it's something he does for you, I wouldn't bother.
The kids only see him once a year for 2 weeks, so they're always with me for my birthday, Mother's day, etc. The times they've been with him for Christmas, he doesn't let them call me nor does he answer his phone if I call them.
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BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
very true.. hes the adult ... and he needs to get over it and he can call his kids and if he gets crap because he forgot their bdays then he will know what it feels like. it goes both ways so dont even bother..
Best of Luck!
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
we don't acknowledge BM's birthday and she doesn't acknowledge any of ours (she knows we use our week long visitation with SD on my birthday week to go visit my parents)
When SD is older I will remind her of DH's birthday and I'm sure BM's H will remind her of BM's birthday.
I don't think you did anything inappropriate, and it seems like DS actually knew about his birthday and chose to ignore it, gosh I would be SOOOO tempted to rub that in his face haha
Truthfully, I was really tempted to tell BD that my son knew and chose to ignore it. But I know that would have just led to a fight with him accusing me of turning the kids against him, so I didn't bother. Now that the kids have their own calendars, they'll get reminders of people's birthdays and it's up to them what to do. I even went the extra step and put in SM's and ex-MIL's bdays for the kids.
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I just feel bad for your kids, it sucks being in their position (I didnt have a relationship with my dad when I was growing up so I get how they feel). I know from reading other things you do everything you can to minimize the effect his lack of actions has on them but it still sucks in away you can't really understand unless youve felt it.