shower vent

jovencita1224 · September 2012

My vent is that I won't have a shower. And that i have have never had a shower of any kind. This is baby 2, and etiquette dictates that you don't have one for second babies, right? That wouldn't bother me if I had ever had a shower before, but I haven't. So I'm sad. Not for the gifts, but for the fun and silliness of the games and getting everyone together.

Prior to my wedding, I was overseas and then was on an extended TDY for training in a state 12 hours away from my hometown. I got back just a few weeks before the wedding, and because my arrival back was not certain, my SIL couldn't plan a wedding shower. I also didn't have a bachelorette party, but I was ok with that!

I had a baby shower scheduled a surprise shower, so I didn't even know but it got cancelled because of a terrible snow storm. The two girls that planned it invited me over another time to hang out, but it wasn't a shower with friends, family and silly games. Just us chillin. Which was awesome! But not a shower. They are older friends, and didn't know who to invite other than my family, so most of my friends and coworkers don't even realize I never had a shower.

Now we are having baby 2, another girl, although we havent shared the sex publicly. A friend of mine wants to throw me my first honesttogoodness shower for this baby, but I feel guilty like I should tell her not to. I would be more than happy to forgo gifts completelyI just want some games and decorations! We can't do a meetthebaby thing later, because this one is due during flu season/winter and we can't schedule around the winter weather. Is it even remotely ok to tell her to go for it...or should I just give up on ever having a party just for me? My birthday is Christmas Eve, so I didn't ever have a true 'birthday party', which may be why I am sad about not having a shower. I haven't really ever had a chance to be the frontandcenter, just me, and sometimes i would have just one day that i was. Is that the lamest reason to vent or what?!

persephonerose · September 2012

You can have a party with decorations and silly games without calling it a baby shower. You could call it a Mother's Tea or some such, if you just want a gathering with friends and family.

As far as allowing someone to throw you a shower just because you did not have one and want to be front and center... I'm not sure how to answer you on that because I think you know the answer and just want someone to tel you it is ok regardless of etiquette.

However, IF your friend really wants to throw it, AND your family and friends are used to having 2nd, 3rd, ect baby showers then it really is up to you to decide how tacky you think it is. In some circles it is normal to do showers for every baby. Does your group fall into that category?

rhubarb123 · September 2012

persephonerose:

You can have a party with decorations and silly games without calling it a baby shower. You could call it a Mother's Tea or some such, if you just want a gathering with friends and family.

As far as allowing someone to throw you a shower just because you did not have one and want to be front and center... I'm not sure how to answer you on that because I think you know the answer and just want someone to tel you it is ok regardless of etiquette.

However, IF your friend really wants to throw it, AND your family and friends are used to having 2nd, 3rd, ect baby showers then it really is up to you to decide how tacky you think it is. In some circles it is normal to do showers for every baby. Does your group fall into that category?

I agree with this. Obviously you know your group of friends/family best.

Drea926 · September 2012

This will probably start off a fire storm, but I say if your friend is offering to throw you a shower and you didn't have one for your first baby, you can totally accept that! I mean, if you really feel uncomfortable with getting gifts you can, like PP suggested, call it something else. But I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

I know "a shower is a gift" and all, but to be perfectly honest I would be pretty bummed myself if I never got one. ;-)

jovencita1224 · September 2012

I definitely don't want to do a meet the babyI am due in January and I don't want to expose my newborn to so many new people and germs. I would do it for family, but they live far away and in the bad snow and won't drive if there is a remote chance of snow because they don't want to get stuck. Better to wait untill Summer when everyone is off work i have a family full of teachers and just host a reunion of sorts. Since I didn't know about my first shower before it got cancelled, I wasn't able to tell my 2 friends about my odd family and their fear of winter driving.

I probabally won't have a shower, because it just seems strange and silly to ME at this point, let alone what anyone else thinks, even if people realize that I never had one in the first place. I guess I am just bummed that I never had one before, or a wedding shower. Not so bummed I can't cope or anything, but I read the posts on here and sometimes get sad that I don't have a memory of anything like that. Even if havIng one now was totally socially acceptable, it wouldn't be what I really wantwhich would be to have HAD one for my first baby. Oh well, I had a moment of feeling bummed, but it was passing and I am going to go hang out with my very awesome nonbanyshowered toddler and enjoy my day off.

iamapixie · September 2012

hibiscus29:
Drea926:

This will probably start off a fire storm, but I say if your friend is offering to throw you a shower and you didn't have one for your first baby, you can totally accept that! I mean, if you really feel uncomfortable with getting gifts you can, like PP suggested, call it something else. But I wouldn't feel guilty about it. 

This.

Agree. Even though it's not your first baby, it is your first shower and I don't see anything wrong w that.

pamiva1 · September 2012

There is nothing wrong with accepting her offer. You should totally have a shower!

jillychris · September 2012

I would tend to agree and I normally side eye second showers. She has offered, and most of your family, close friends are well aware you've never had a shower. I say go for it. Just keep the invite list to family and close friends, which is what etiquette says is appropriate for a second shower!

BallSox · September 2012

There's being bummed about something and there's not getting past it and moving on with your life.

You can have a party without it being a shower.

mandilouwho · September 2012

Plan a girls night with close friends and family and do it somewhere where you have room for games and such. I understand about missing out on wedding shower I never had one with my first marriage and recently remarried and when my friend offered a dinner I was super excited. This baby is my first so I also jumped at it when ppl offered. Its just the fact of being able to celebrate with those close to you that makes it fun and exciting

meow78 · September 2012

Drea926:
This will probably start off a fire storm, but I say if your friend is offering to throw you a shower and you didn't have one for your first baby, you can totally accept that! I mean, if you really feel uncomfortable with getting gifts you can, like PP suggested, call it something else. But I wouldn't feel guilty about it.
I know "a shower is a gift" and all, but to be perfectly honest I would be pretty bummed myself if I never got one. ;-)

Totally this!

RedInLove · September 2012

With how much military life can keep us away from loved ones, I would absolutely graciously accept the offer. Perhaps you can talk with the hostess about keeping it more intimate.

tiffmatt · September 2012

Earlier in the year Miss Manners address showers to STMs and said that if someone offers you do not have to decline, but it should be kept to closest friends and immediate family. As long as it's not a huge party with a ton of people it is considered ok for you to accept your friend's offer.

PrimRoseMama · September 2012

You are stomping around like a baby about this. You can have a Sip n' See Party in April if you really want. I don't think that that is what this bish fit is about though.

You are whining that you never got a shower with your first. Now no one is offering you one for your second? Some say it's a violation of etiquette because you are no longer a new First time mom. That is the purpose of a gift giving event known as a shower. You didn't get one for your first. I'm sorry, but you are acting ridiculously immature.

MCRM22011 · September 2012

If you didn't have a shower with your first, I don't see a problem with you accepting this shower for the second one, honestly. Everyone knows you didn't have a shower for your first, so I don't see why people would be mad. Maybe keep the registry very small with basic items (onsies, diapers, lotions, socks, bibs, etc) since you have the bigger items from your first, I'd imagine??

And no, I don't think your vent is lame at all.

jasminelorraine20 · September 2012

I don't think you're immature or having a b**ch fit. I understand how you can be a little down about not having a shower, but since people ARE offering to throw you one then I would personally accept. Don't feel guilty at all, and it is ok to vent.

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