Home Birth in a Hotel?

danienross · September 2012

So I've been planning a home birth since the beginning of my pregnancy. This is my first home birth. However, it is slightly complicated by the fact that we currently live with my father who is not supportive and tends to have control issues. I was trying not to stress about it but today at a get together some comments were made that made me realize I need to have a talk with my father about how things are going to go while I'm in labor and delivery. He's under the impression that I'm going to stay confined to my bedroom (which DD shares with us) while he has some kind of waiting party in the living room. I guess in his mind he figures it will be kind of like the hospital without all the technology, doctors and nurses. However there is a chance that even if we have a talk about things, he will still choose to disrespect my wishes when the time comes. Because of all this DH and I think we need to consider a hotel as a back up option if I decide I'm not comfortable giving birth where we currently live. My MW is on board.

Have any of you done this? Anything I need to consider? Any advice?

MommyLuvsMe1210 · September 2012

Maybe it's just me, but I would rather stay home than go to a hotel... Hotel rooms are DISGUSTING and in no way a place where I would want to have birth. Even the tippity top of the line wouldn't satisfy me, but I digress...

It all comes down to what you want to do. No one can really make that decision for you. If you want this to be an intimate time with just you, MW and DH then that is perfectly okay. But before you go shelling out extra money, have a talk with dad. I will say it is his house and you should respect that, but on the same token you need to be comfortable with your birth experience.

I guess I say all that to say this: talk to your father about what you would like to happen. Be honest, reasonable, and fair. If your wishes cannot be met, then by all means do what you need to do.

Minipenguin · September 2012

MommyLuvsMe1210:
But before you go shelling out extra money, have a talk with dad. I will say it is his house and you should respect that, but on the same token you need to be comfortable with your birth experience.

Is it his house, or is it yours, or a SS circumstance?

I don't have any real advice except that I wonder if a hotel would even allow this. It seems like they would be concerned about liability. Or making too much noise that could disturb other guests. I would call and talk to the hotel about it before you plan on going that route.

wifeofadam · September 2012

I wouldn't give birth in a hotel. Yuck. But then again, I won't even sleep in a hotel because I think they are so dirty. The few times I have in my adult life I bring my own sheets and have to clean the room myself.

Do you have any freestanding birth centers near you? If I were in your position I would look for one of those, even if I had to drive a little to get to it.

ncbelle · September 2012

No way would I give birth in a hotel - they are pretty gross plus it's not a comfortable environment - not to mention that I think many hotels would take exception and kick you out if they figured out what was going on.

The point of homebirth is to give birth in an environment that is comfortable and familiar - that's not something a hotel provides. I would either have a heart to heart with dad or birth at a birth center or hospital if I didn't feel like he was going to be supportive of the choice to birth at home.

ZacksBride · September 2012

whose house is it? if it is dad's house, i would think that his house = his rules. he has already opened his house to your family, so to make demands regarding your birth in his house may be overstepping your bounds, and could definitely cause problems down the line with the living situation. in that situation, i would look into a birth center or hospital over a hotel.

if he is staying with you in your house, i would offer to put him up in a hotel for a few days, rather than you leaving.

JuneBug86 · September 2012

ZacksBride:
whose house is it? if it is dad's house, i would think that his house = his rules. he has already opened his house to your family, so to make demands regarding your birth in his house may be overstepping your bounds, and could definitely cause problems down the line with the living situation. in that situation, i would look into a birth center or hospital over a hotel.
if he is staying with you in your house, i would offer to put him up in a hotel for a few days, rather than you leaving.

I see it like this as well.

MommyLuvsMe1210 · September 2012

Minipenguin:
MommyLuvsMe1210:
But before you go shelling out extra money, have a talk with dad. I will say it is his house and you should respect that, but on the same token you need to be comfortable with your birth experience.

Is it his house, or is it yours, or a SS circumstance?
I don't have any real advice except that I wonder if a hotel would even allow this. It seems like they would be concerned about liability. Or making too much noise that could disturb other guests. I would call and talk to the hotel about it before you plan on going that route.

This. Totally didn't think about that in my reply. Sorry OP.

danienross · September 2012

Thank you for your input ladies. I definitely plan to talk to my father before we make a decision but I don't have a good relationship with him so there is a chance it won't go well. It is his house and I respect that which is why I'm trying to figure out what my other options are. The closest birth center is over an hour away. DH actually won't be at the birth because he is deploying this month so I won't have him to advocate for me if necessary. If I switch to a birth center or hospital then I have to switch MWs and I would rather not. But again thank you. You've given me a lot of good things to think about.

canoz · September 2012

I have never done it personally but I know my MWs have 2 B&Bs that they work with for clients coming in from rural/out of town areas. My thoughts are if my MWs have specific places that they are comfortable working with then they should be okay to deliver in.

But yeah, generally the uncleanliness of a hotel would be enough to deter me. Regardless of their ratings or higher end.

Good luck talking things over with your dad.

mjr12 · September 2012

Maybe I'm crazy, but could you also check into a vacation rental type property? Then you aren't in a hotel, but you're in a comfortable "home like" setting that you can sanitize? Perhaps the owner/property manager would be more willing to work with you than a hotel?

I had also considered this, because we live about an hour away from a hospital, but I'm staying at my home for this birth.

SidraJedi · September 2012

I empathize with your situation and can relate a little.

"A hotel" does sound kinda seedy but then there are many levels of quality in the hotel world and you can pick a decent enough one and probably be okay as long as the hotel doesn't make a fuss about what you are doing. I'm sure between yourself and your midwives ya'll will be well prepared in bringing all the proper bedding and equipment to prepare and clean up your birthing room/area no matter if you're at home or away.

I think if you cannot come to some compromise with your father that between you DH and midwife/s you will find a safe comfortable place to deliver your baby. Maybe a hotel isn't the best place, maybe there is one that is? but I'm sure no matter what it will all come out okay. I'm not a religious person but I am deeply spiritual and there is something to be said for faith. Just do your best, maybe you need to make a sacrifice or two to get yours and the baby's needs met and have faith.

Good Luck to you either in talking with your father or in finding a great birthing spot!!!!

wifeofadam · September 2012

I wouldn't rule out the birth center just yet. An hour isn't that far at all. I live in an area where the closest HBMWs and birth centers are an hour and a half away. We chose a HB, but I know several people in my area that have driven to the birth center. An hour isn't that long at all and all you have to do is take off as soon as you have the first sign of labor.

frlcb · September 2012

I would be concerned if you went to a hotel and were in labor overnight that you could be loud and disturb other guests. Do you not have any friends whose house you could 'borrow'?

LadyDelilah · September 2012

Does your midwife work closely with a birthcenter? I would go there first and have a hotel as a last resort. Or maybe you have a close friend or family member that will allow you to come there and do a home birth in their home. I hope this all works out for you.

shutupanddance07 · September 2012

Two things-

1) Does your midwife have other suggestions? And how does she feel about the situation at your father's house? I ask this because with your husband gone, you may really want some family support. If your dad is willing to be a part of the team, his home might really be your best bet. I think a hotel sounds like an awful experience without your husband... a strange place, no family around, just you and your midwife in a hotel room? That sounds awful to me, just MO...

2) In the event that dad's is a dead end and your midwife can't come up with a solution you're comfortable with, I wouldn't rule out the birth center. The birth center in my area is the only one for hours, and people drive two and three hours to deliver there. I'm only half an hour out, but it's not weird for people to make a long drive to their birth center. They may even be willing to work with you and your midwife. This option might end up being a really good experience for you and your family. There will be a waiting area for your family, but you'll be free to have run of the birthing suite. It sounds like that might be more in accordance with your birth plan than the hotel option...

Hyaline · September 2012

Any chance a friend might offer his or her home or apartment? I had a friend who wanted a home birth but lived pretty far from the hospital--she was worried that if complications arose she was too far from emergency care to feel safe. Another friend cleared out of their apartment when she went into labor and she used that space.

I don't think a hotel is a great option--though if dad is willing to clear out or would be more comfortable it might be a good place for him. I'm not even sure a hotel would permit this, like pp have said. It's shallow, but if people complained about noise, they might have to make you leave.

00jennifer00 · September 2012

My friend had #6 in a hotel. They live in a motor home (her dh travels for work constantly and they all missed him too much, so they travel with him now, it's pretty awesome). She didn't want to give birth in the motor home, so they checked into a nice hotel for a few days and had the baby. I think it's very possible to be somewhat quiet in labor. You don't HAVE to scream and make a lot of noise. I cry, but I don't scream. If I had an issue that made it difficult to homebirth in the state I live in, I'd hop across the border to the friendlier state and have a homebirth in a nice hotel without blinking. It beats the hospital. And since your dh is going to be gone, I can see why it would be important to you to keep the mw you are familiar with.

ChynaDholl · September 2012

I was supposed to have my home birth with DD in a hotel 2 years ago. We were staying in the suite though so there was more space. Since I was doing a VBAC with a CPM, we weren't allowed to give birth at the birth center. I ended up transferring to the hospital at 6cm because baby's head was still floating but she had no issues with delivering there. While it may not be the best situation, if you can't work something out with your dad, I think your comfort during L&D is more pressing than being in a house vs hotel. GL mama.

RayRay007 · September 2012

Another suggestion - there is a doula in my town that offers up her house for home births. Maybe check with doulas or ask you MW if she knows of anybody who offers this.

Want a personalized experience?

Home Birth in a Hotel?

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