Out and about instead of formal DC/In home/Nanny?

katiefalls · September 2012

Has anyone done this? In looking for an in home provider through my church, I discovered that one of my best friends who is the children's pastor and has an advanced degree in childhood development is looking for extra work and would love to care for our baby. She's involved in lots of community work including having an older foster child or two most of the time and is always going somewhere or doing something. I'm so excited for her to care for our baby. He'll receive so much love and guidance from her, will interact with so many different people, and will grow up around such a wonderful influence.

Is anyone else opting to leave their child with someone who will be incorporating the child into their everyday lives instead of someone who specifically works in child care? I'm actually really excited about it!

groovygrl · September 2012

I think that sounds like a really nice setup although I personally wouldn't mix business & personal in that way, I know many people do it.

The only thing I'd think about doing is coming up w/ a really concrete plan about what to do if your LO is sick and you don't want her going or doing whatever and if your friend has committed to it, how that will work.

GL!!! It is always nice to be excited about a child care option

katiefalls · September 2012

He'd be anything but an afterthought to her. She'd treat him as if he were her own child. If I was going to be a SAHM, I'd too be out and about doing things, running errands, getting involved. My SAHM never made us the center of her life, but instead incorporated us into her passions and I want my son to have the same experience. Plus, if he's looking for structure he's going to have to find different parents. Our lives and schedules change on a daily basis due to the nature of our careers and there's nothing we can do about that. One day we're going into work at 8am, the next day it's 5pm. Very little predictability and fortunately our friend can flow with that as well.

Five Months to Plan · September 2012

We did this for almost a year. It was a lady also from our church. She did not usually have other children but sometimes her grandson. She took DD everywhere: bank, mall, lunch. She was braver than we were even taking her to meetings with her college advisor and stuff. We loved it, and she loved DD. DD would still be with her if she had not gotten a full time job in her field. We loved DD going places. She though was flexible if DD was sick, she changed plans. One time DD took a longer nap,so she just resechulded appt. DD was her first priorirty.

groovygrl · September 2012

katiefalls:
He'd be anything but an afterthought to her. She'd treat him as if he were her own child. If I was going to be a SAHM, I'd too be out and about doing things, running errands, getting involved. My SAHM never made us the center of her life, but instead incorporated us into her passions and I want my son to have the same experience. Plus, if he's looking for structure he's going to have to find different parents. Our lives and schedules change on a daily basis due to the nature of our careers and there's nothing we can do about that. One day we're going into work at 8am, the next day it's 5pm. Very little predictability and fortunately our friend can flow with that as well.

I'm just curious, are you pregnant or did you already have your baby? I will be interested to follow you & see how all this plays out for you . But if your friend can essentially be on call to do whatever whenever (which is what you're making it sound like here) and your LO is a very easy kid who does whatever whenever, then you are a lucky person!!!!.

jf198400 · September 2012

I think this could work when the baby is in fact a baby, like you said its not any different than if you were the SAHM. But as a mom of a toddler, I think you may need to think about how this will work when your child gets older. My 2yr old DD is a pain to take along on errands, meetings, church, etc. because she is very active and wants to run around and explore, you need to really focus on Her so she doesnt get into trouble. My mom has been watching my kids while I work, and she doesnt try to do many errands with the kids b/c its too much work. That being said you have plenty of time before you get to that stage, and you can cross that bridge when you come to it. There's always preschool or PT DC.

PotomacSt · September 2012

I think it depends on how much of the day she's out and about, and how easygoing your baby is.

Having a couple hours of things to do per day could be doable. But being out and about all day sounds like a disaster- or at least it would be for my daughter. She needs to nap in her crib, in a semi-dark room, undisturbed with a white noise machine on for at least 2 naps a day, usually 2 hours each. Without that, she's a miserable, angry baby. Dozing off for 30 min in the car seat does not suffice as a nap for her, and she's even more miserable and angry when she wakes up after not having slept long enough. Being over-stimulated and held by too many people in one day is also not good for her.

Also, while it is wonderful that she has the heart to take in foster kids, I'd be concerned about my baby being around kids who may have very serious issues, especially if she's really that busy with other things and not have time to supervise them at every moment.

JennaNAaron · September 2012

When I nanny'd, the family I worked for was very chill. They encouraged me to run errands and do normal day to day things. The LO I nanny'd for was 18 months when I started and other then lunch and nap time we were out of the house pretty much all day. Either doing errands (for myself or his mom) or doing kid related things (museums, playdates, story times, etc). He was an awesome kid, very use to going in public and very easy to handle. I think it all depends on the child.

And to address PP comment, while some foster kids definitely have severe issues, not all of them do. It sounds like this woman is an experienced foster parent, so it definitely wouldn't bother me to send my child with her.

shannm · September 2012

In addition to what PP mentioned, are you confident that your child care philosophies will match up? Are you pretty laid back in terms of what will happen with your LO? Do you anticipate that the friend will be okay with putting your LO before her community responsibilities? Will she be open to your requests in terms of feeding and napping? Would you feel comfortable with discussing issues that arise with her as a friend and employee?

khanley1980 · September 2012

As I psychologist, I would be wary about my child being around foster children. Many foster children have been severely traumatized. They may (or may not) be victims of sexual or physical abuse. Thei way of interaction with your child may be concerning. I say may because while this is not true of all foster children, it is the sad reality for many.

Jelliebean1982 · September 2012

When I'm off school in the summer you'd better believe that I am out and about with both of my kids. I do things specifically designed to meet their needs and they put up with all the errands I need to run too.

Honestly, it bothers me when parents plan their entire day around their children, as if they are the center of the universe. So what if someone is not totally focused on my child 100% of the day? I'm not either. I've got errands to run, things to clean, people I need to call.

Maybe it's a difference in parenting philosophy but my kids should be able to play by themselves when I have stuff to do. At the same time I try and balance my time so that we have plenty of time for love and cuddles, learning, and exploration.

With DD she tagged along with another family as they did their day-to-day stuff. She loved it and thrived in that environment for three years before starting school. She still asks to see that family all the time. DS was watched by my MIL last year and I hated that she never took him out or did stuff while he was awake. I had to work a lot this summer on training him to nap on the go, be able to play while I did the dishes, to not be scared of vacuum, and the big bathtub. Now he's with a family with a preschooler and another 1 year old and I'm excited for all the new family environment.

jeffsjayme · September 2012

My sister and I do this. She's a SAHM who watches my LO while I'm at work and she just lives life and brings him along. Since she has a 1-year old along with my 4-month old, they don't go out often, but she does occasionally get brave and go to the grocery store or to the park. When he gets older, I'm sure she'll do the zoo. She'll also take him with (obviously) when she picks up her 3-year old from preschool. We bought her a double stroller so that she'd have extra mobility as things were kind of rough til her 16-month-old got a little better at walking.

For your friend though, she needs to consider what a little one would do to her mobility...they aren't as flexible as she is. My situation works because my sister is home most of the time, but she isn't home all of the time.

SilliRy · September 2012

I think that sounds like a nice idea, but you have to make sure your friend is willing to be VERY flexible. I'm assuming your LO isn't born yet...and what if he's colicky? Or exceptionally fussy? Or teething one day and just really cranky? My DD has always been really good about going out and we haven't had to live by a schedule for her, BUT there are days that I do adjust my plans/expectations based on her temperament. If I HAD to do something (like community service/volunteering) on a 'bad' day for my LO, I'd feel terrible for both the organization/people I was supposed to be helping and for LO for not getting the at-home time/attention she needed.

I've been a SAHM mom for the past 3 months and I've realized that there's so much I can't do with LO around. Especially since she's older and needs constant supervision (and almost constant interaction) I really have to be flexible so that we can both maintain our sanity.

stdldb29 · September 2012

Our sitter does this now, for the past 4 years she did not and ran a regular in home daycare. Her daughter now goes to kinder and she only has 3 kids (2 two year olds and an infant). She takes them into town and does whatever with them. They take naps at the same time and takes them to the park, library, pay bills, whatever. We prefer it, my daughter is use to being out and about daily.

My children are 4 and 2, and we never are home ALL day long. We always are doing things and they are use to going to appointments, post office, etc. I had my daughter out and about at 2 days old because I had things that needed to be done. My kids have a predictable schedule, I really don't see the problem.

Lena122 · September 2012

I'd have a few concerns...

1. Safe driving record, safe car, safe car seat, etc. If someone is driving my LO around, especially frequently, they must have all of the above.

2. Will she be running around like this when LO is 6 weeks old? I'd be uncomfortable with DS being dragged around to a bunch of different places every day until he was out of the newborn stage.

3. Some babies don't handle that much stimulation well. Some babies can get overstimulated VERY easily. Not all, but some. If yours turns out to be a baby like that then I can foresee issues with him doing so much in a day.

4. Like PPs said, mixing friends into a business situation can be risky. Think long and hard about how you and she will handle a child rearing situation that you don't agree on. Things like... how/when/where/what to feed, how/when/where to nap, etc.

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