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September 2012 Moms
First night home was miserable
Hey ladies DH and I were discharged yesterday morning and when we got home everything was awesome. LO was calm and content. Around 10pm both DH and I were exhausted and decide it was time for bed. DH has a terrible cold so he slept upstairs while I stayed in our bedroom downstairs. I put LO in the pack n play and right away she began scream crying. I tried to let her scream it out but she just got really veiny and purple and it began to scare me. I picked her up then there was silence. I decided to try swaddling and then the crying started again as soon as I sat her down. I unswaddled her when she crying became hysterical and then took her to her rock n play sleeper. She hated that also. Nothing worked till I found grandma. She stayed up rocking LO from 24am so I could sleep a little. It was such a hard night. I am a ftm also, any advice from stms? Will it get any better at night?
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Re: First night home was miserable
FTM here, but read this yesterday about your baby's second night. I don't know if it was your second night or not, but here is a link to what I read. From what I read it kind of seems like what you were dealing with.
https://kellymom.com/ages/newborn/bf-basics/second-night/
Sorry, can't make it clicky for some reason.
For the first few months, let alone days, your baby is too little to be able to cry it out and calm down. Youtube has a few clips of the guy who wrote the book "The happiest baby on the block" where he talks about and demonstrates some calming techniques. The clips aren't as good as the book or DVD but it might give some fast (and free) help. It also sounds like grandma might be a good resource for learning soothing techniques. Good luck.
ETA: here are a few links to get you started
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aivfKI6Vjdg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iu0TtxO-ocY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFBhiQ07jO4
This. Granted, I am a FTM, and my baby is still cooking, but I have not read anything that says letting a newborn CIO is acceptable. Did you try feeding her? A pacifier? Anything other than swaddling and expecting her to fall right asleep?
It does get better though. Hang in there! BTW, not judging you at all for the CIO, but that needs to wait until baby is older. Your new at this and it takes time to learn your baby.
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Newborns often get their nights and days confused and nighttime can be when they're most vocal. Right now your body is her home and she probably feels most calm when she's against you. That was the only way we could get my son to calm down was to hold him on our chest.
Also as PP said, you could try feeding her when she's screaming because perhaps she's hungry. I went through a week with my son where he literally was eating every hour almost. Just be careful not to fall asleep with baby on your chest! I would say just sleep as much as you can during the day and don't go into the night expecting any sleep at all at first.
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
This exactly! With a newborn you are lucky if you get a two hour stretch of sleep. Are you clueless? Please don't let that poor baby scream it out. At a few days old you have no coping mechanisms. If you continue to have trouble this please red Happiest Baby on the Block and learn about the 4th trimester and just what your sweet baby is going through right now.
Dexter 08/31/2012~Summer 07/25/2011~Jack 10/21/2008~Aaron 08/12/2007
With my daughter the only way i could get her to sleep the first few weeks was with me and she woke up only 1 time a night, granted I had to be up at 5am. it will get better but like PP have said it will get better but for now YOU ARE ON YOUR BABY'S SCHEDULE, you sleep when she sleeps not the other way around.
This. Not trying to judge, but you can't let a newborn "cry it out". They aren't trying to manipulate you like an older baby/toddler might. They are crying because they genuinely need something.
[MC 11.20.11] [DS born 9.24.12] [DD born 10.15.14]
~The Bumpie formerly known as SpartyMom2B~
It looks like someone posted links to some clips from the book might be helpful to give it a look so that you feel less frustrated and more prepared. Good luck!
Totally agree with MomiJerz.
Your baby is just a few days old. She is 100% completely dependent on you. Do not let her CIO. If she's crying, she needs to be tended to, not ignored.
There is no schedule at this time. Everything is on-demand. The baby's needs come first. Your needs come second.
Things will get better over time.
I'm glad your mom was there to help you.
I don't want to pile on, but you need to do a little more research on newborns. You can't spoil your newborn and you are now on the baby's schedule, not the other way around. It sounds like your mom is around, so between you, your DH, and her, you should be able to rotate through taking care of the baby.
Food and comfort are all they know they need right now. Give swaddling a little longer and good luck.
Kid #1 - 09/03/12
Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube
#11 or IVF with scarring still inside?
1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh
Carina 12.28.2010 | Aurelia 9.23.12 | Chart - Round 3
Okay, I totally understand the judgement and I thought it was an outrageous thing to do too but when I was in the hospital the nurses told me not to comfort for every cry. They said if she wasn't dirty, hungry, or visibly uncomfortable then to let her CIO. Obviously it didn't work and we will not be doing that again. Thanks for the advice though and I feel much better knowing that holding her constantly is normal and healthy.
Those nurses are morons. Trust your instincts and hold your baby. I hope you have a better night tonight.
Honestly I think if I were you I would call the hospital and report your nurses to their manager. What they told you is the absolute worst advice I have ever heard when it comes to caring for a newborn baby. Good luck.
Carina 12.28.2010 | Aurelia 9.23.12 | Chart - Round 3
I honestly will. I seriously thought she knew what she what she was saying. I am a FTM and I naively thought that I could trust the advice I received from the nurse. She even told me that "holding baby for every cry is not a way to live and if she falls asleep while you are holding her and you put her down then it's taking two steps backwards in her self soothing skills". I really should've stated this in my initial post.
Don't beat yourself up over anything anyone said. You were given conflicting advice from the nurses and since you're a FTM you just didn't know. It will take time but you will start to learn your baby's cues and what calms them down. You are the mom and if you think something isn't right you can always call the on call pediatrician if you are concerned about something.I think you've gotten the point on CIO, so I will not comment on that.
The 1st night (or week) is always the hardest. It does get better. This too shall pass. Just take a deep breath and try to remember that EVERYTHING is new to baby too ( not just new to you). Her whole world is different now. She's used to being INSIDE you, so of course she wants to be held. Just because she doesn't look physically incomfortable, it doesn't mean she isn't gassy, or a tag is rubbing, or a hair is wrapped around her toe etc. Rely on people like your family/friends/DH etc to hold her so you can take a nap/shower/break during the day until she figures out her nights. At her age, she knows no difference between a want and a need. It's all a need right now.
Also, there is nothing wrong with setting the baby down in a safe place (i.e. crib) if your nerves are frazzled and you need to walk away for 2 minutes. Recognizing you are at a breaking point makes you a good mom, not a bad one. Regroup in the bathroom (or have a good cry) then go back to her. 2 minutes isn't going to hurt anyone. If it did, 2nd (3rd, 4th, etc) kids would never make it. Sometimes, I had to let DS#2 fuss for a minute for I could finish what I was doing for #1. It isn't CIO - it's life. CIO is straight ignoring a child's cries for the purposes of "Training" them.
Hang in there. It is so hard at first and you are probably exhausted, tired, and confused. I found that if DD was crying but didn't actually need anything but some snuggles, I would just lay her really close to me and let her fall asleep, and then move her to the bouncer and rest while she rested. She seemed to really like being snuggled in near me. The first night is ALWAYS the worst.
Ahh baby emotions...I'm now crying because you were crying reading the comments.
My H suggested not just reporting those particular nurses, but reporting the nurses on a more global scale because there is a chance that that is the stance of that hospital/nursing staff and should be addressed to everyone. It is abhorrent that she told you that is how you treat a newborn. SHE should be crying HER eyes out.
If it is any consolation, I'm a STM and have ended up crying at some point every night now because DD has days and nights confused as well and all I want to is sleep. During the day she'll sleep anywhere, she sleeps at least one 4-6 hour stretch during the day, my boobs feel like they are going to explode and she won't wake enough to eat no matter what I do (FTR, I was told at her checkup on Friday that we didn't have to keep trying so hard to wake her at this point because she is doing so well...it is just my boobs that desperately need her to wake up). At night, she just wants to sleep on me and snack on her all night buffet. I'm fine with that in general, but I just want one stretch of sleep, you know? My H tries to comfort her and at night it just doesn't work. I can't sleep much during the day because I have a toddler. She won't take a pacifier for anything. The newborn phase is hard. It will pass, though, and even though it seems like it is taking decades while it is happening, you'll look back and it will have only been a minute.
I hope you get to nap today and I hope tonight goes better for you!
Also imagine sleeping in a cocoon womb to sleeping in a king sized bed PnP. Big difference. We found we needed to use rolled up receiving blankets around DD's side to enclose her space a bit when she was tiny.