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April 2012 Moms
Christina_Diane
member
Mom vent- eta:long
Christina_Diane
member
I've said before that I m going to go to therapy for various mom issues, but I haven't started yet. I am certain that she has a personality disorder. As a reminder, she told my son three times in a row that I am a meanie the very first time she held him.
I talked with her yesterday and she blatantly disrespected me, was unsupportive, and lied to me. This is the second lie this month.
DH's grandma passed a week ago. My mother never ever talked to her. My mom wanted to send flowers and i told her it was a nice gesture, but not to send any. The ILs don't want any flowers. MIL is terribly allergic and they just don't want to deal with them. Well, as always, my mom didn't listen to me. She didn't respect what I said, and she sent flowers to their house the day of the service. This wouldn't be an issue, but my mom is notorious for not listening to me.
She was also completely unsupportive of me BFing for a year. She was suggesting I have LO try solids and supplement with formula because it will help him sleep (eye roll). I told her I wanted to bf for a year. She told me I would never make it and that I would quit once he has teeth. There are also many other things she is not supportive of either.
Then, I caught her in a lie. Yesterday was the first time I told her I wanted to bf for a year. In a previous conversation she told me I was completely weaned at 7 months. Yesterday, she told me she bf me for 11 months. I called her out and she back peddled and lied some more. She also lied earlier in the month about forgetting dh's birthday. She texted me on a Saturday after his bday telling me his card was in the mail and we should receive it that day. Once we finally got it, it was postmarked for the Monday after that. She is a habitual liar.
And finally, she made a comment about me being a working mom. I was lamenting to her about DS's sleeping problems and she told me that at least I get a break at work. Now, I do not want to start a SAH vs work argument, but work is anything but I break for me; I am a high school teacher who pumps. I have little to no adult interaction and I deal with some pretty horrible teenagers.
Thanks for reading if you have read this. I understand on the surface level these things might not seem like a big deal, but when this behavior is repetitive, it becomes a big deal. I do not know what is real or what is a lie. She lied to my father about my brother getting arrested and getting a medical marijuana card before. She has told me she favors my brother. She does things for show, but not because she is genuine. She never follows through on what she says. The list goes on.
And, I am too intimidated by her to stand up for myself. I blame myself for the way I am treated.
ETA: grammar. Typing with one hand on an iPad is a biisch.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Mom vent- eta:long
I go to therapy too. I started going because of PPD that was taking over my life. I was so sad all the time. Then I realized when I was there that I had more issues to contend with. Mainly other people's issues and behavior that was rolling down to me causing me to get frustrated and angry. This is not something that I wanted to be for my own health and for my daughter to be around. My husband and I have had to discuss this matter in great detail and have decided to limit interaction with people that think it is okay to cross boundries that we have set. It doesn't always have to be a fight, I have learned just to let stuff go and put my energy towards more healthy things. Another helpful thing I have come to realize is that you cannot control other peoples behaivor, so why bother getting angry when they are being disrepectful, mean or lying? When I start getting angry now about it I do a couple things: I try to use a self soothing method (putting lotion on, and using all of my senses to do it. This triggers my brain to calm down after conditioning. Then I think of how sad that person has to be to have so much hatred toward me or so much sadness, jealousy or whatever may be the case to feel the need to do the things they are doing. It has been a process but it does help.
Good for you in going to talk to someone. The only thing they will do is try to change your perspective and your outcome. You can't stop your mother from being who she is but you can respond differently and eventually not get so mad about it. Anger isn't good, it eats away at you. Good luck.
I am so sorry. I understand. Like I really do.
I don't have a good relationship with my mother. Really the only reason I talk to her is because she birthed me. She is a liar and a drunk. We literally hide the alcohol when she is in town. She oversteps and promises things she can't keep. She told DH (who was then DF) how she would send us on a honeymoon. I felt terrible for him because he believed her.
I think talking to someone is a good idea if the situation is overwhelming you. My mother lives far away, but I get anxiety whenever she shows up.
I have found setting boundaries is a good idea. I tell my mom right away what I expect from a trip. She can't stay with me. I will see her on these days. I am NOT available otherwise. When I deviate from this is when terrible things happen.
I wish you the best of luck. It IS possible to keep a relationship with your mom. You just need to figure out the level of interaction that is best for YOU.