You can flame me for this one...

jjohn28 · August 2012

We have our A/S in a little less the 2 weeks and I'm super excited but also really nervous. Of course having a healthy baby is the first priority and most important to me but I'm also nervous about the sex. We are hoping for a girl... But obviously it might be a boy. I will be over the moon either way, but I really worry that I'll be disappointed. Which I knows ridiculous! It's taken multiple losses, two years and about 4 BIG scares this time to even get here.

I think it's simply the fact that there is a very real chance that this our last baby. IF took a big toll on my body and our marriage and I don't know if we can go through it again. So this is probably it.

I'm not actually worried about what the sex is, I think I'm more concerned about the possibility that I'll feel let down. I've had a harder time connecting with this LO and that won't help. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has felt similar or am I as crazy as I feel for even worrying about something that doesnt matter?

heather.mike · August 2012

You're totally not crazy. Pregnant and hormonal, sure, but not crazy

I totally have a feeling we're having a girl so I know I'll be shocked if it's a boy. But like you said, I'll also be thrilled. Don't be hard on yourself. You've been through a lot!

heart_of_virginia · August 2012

I told DH before we found out that I was wanting a boy so bad that I was afraid I'd be really disappointed and depressed if it were another girl. Which to me seemed crazy that I could even think that way. But like you, its taken a lot to get here and at this point I have so many health problems that I'm afraid this may be our 2nd and last child. He reassured me that I would be excited either way, because once baby gets moving around and I can really connect, it would be impossible not to love the little miracle inside just as much whether it be boy or girl. I still feel guilty for having those thoughts, and I got my boy, but he was right. They were irrational fears that would and did disappear as soon as LO could press against and kick my hand. Now I'm actually terrified to have a boy.

anglgrl718 · August 2012

I feel very similar to you for very different reasons. I really want a girl very badly although I definitely just want the baby to be healthy. I'm not in the same boat by this being my last, this baby was a surprise. I feel like I'm not ready for all this so I'm not at all connecting to the baby. Having it be a girl, I think, would make me feel better about it. Although, it also makes me feel so bad because I want to be excited either way. I'm so confused with myself.

I think it's fine to want a certain sex. It's really how you react after that's the part that scares people. I think since you've tried so hard to have this baby that once you find out you will be thrilled either way. It's clear having a baby is very important to you. Good luck!!

kelly321 · August 2012

I'll be honest - when I found out DD was a girl, I was a little disappointed for a few minutes. The funny thing was, I really didn't care whether it was a boy or a girl. I hadn't gotten my hopes up that it was a boy or anything. I think if we had found out she was a boy, I also would have felt a touch of disappointment. It was like until that moment, I had dreams both of what life would be like with a little boy and what it would be like with a little girl, so no matter what the reality was, I had to let go of the dreams of the other sex (for our firstborn, anyway).

I think it will be the same with this one - on the one hand I LOVE the name we have picked out if it's another DD and it would be great for DD to have a sister, so if it's a boy, I might feel a few minutes of disappointment as I let that dream go. On the other hand, I would love to have a mixed bunch and have a little boy, too, and I know DH would love a boy. So if this one is a girl, I might feel a few minutes of disappointment as I let that dream go.

Feeling a touch of disappointment does not make you a bad parent or mean you will love your little boy/girl any less. It's ok to feel a little sad as you let the dreams of the other sex go.

AimnJus917 · August 2012

Maybe you should be Team Green and not find out until he/she is born. That way, when your healthy baby is born, that is all you will care about and be grateful for, and the sex will just not even matter enough for you to be let down.

eatdrinkstretch · August 2012

I don't flame you AT ALL. I started TTC and this pregnany really wanting a boy and being totally unprepared for a girl. Now, for some reason, I find myself kind of wanting a girl. Maybe because I *really* like our girl names and I don't know anything about boys???

Regardless, as DC and Kelly have said, I think we all feel a tiny twinge of disappointment of what we aren't getting no matter what the a/s shows... it's kind of like that twinge of sadness you have on your wedding day. You are THRILLED to be getting married, but there is a tiny part of you that mourns the loss of some other, single life. I think allowing yourself to recognize and mourn the road not taken is really healthy and totally okay.

holly321 · August 2012

I really really want a girl. I really really want a boy too, but next time. I am so nervous about the a/s for this reason. I am terrified I will be upset if it is a boy, and that will make me feel awful. This baby is due right around when DD was, so reusing is a big plus. And DD is clearly a girl, and they will be so close in age, I just really want them to be girls. Also, I want 3, DH wants 2. If this is a girl, I feel like he will be more willing to have 3 kids.

Aegis2005 · August 2012

I guess I'm the only one that gets a little annoyed by the "I'll be disappointed" posts.

Looks like I'd be the one that's flamed, but after being told that I would never have my husband's child, and then being given a less 5% chance, then the clusterfu*k of medical issues I've had since my m/c - I can 100% say I don't care what the baby is, I just want it to be healthy.

jjohn28 · August 2012

The funny part is, I absolutely love having a little boy and it would be great for him to have a brother. So I am hoping that this is just an irrational fear I am having and when it comes down to it, it won't make any difference anyways.

Thanks for the responses! It makes me feel a little better.

courtneyT0189 · August 2012

I worry if we have a girl we won't be disappointed, more so scared. We both want a boy, we have it set in our minds that we are having a boy. We have no idea what we would do with a girl lol. We are set on absolutely everything we want for a boy and have the perfect name,if baby is a girl we will have to start all over and fight over a name since we don't like any girl names. My so has two brothers and most cousins are boys, I have a sister, but my cousins all have boys and we always played with them. We're both in boy mode and will be absolutely shocked if it's a girl, not disappointed, just very very surprised.

jjohn28 · August 2012

Aegis2005:
I guess I'm the only one that gets a little annoyed by the "I'll be disappointed" posts.nbsp;
Looks like I'd be the one that's flamed, but after being told that I would never have my husband's child, and then being given a less 5 chance, then the clusterfuk of medical issues I've had since my m/c I can 100 say I don't care what the baby is, I just want it to be healthy.

I completely understand what you are saying, I know its completely stupid and in reality, doesn't matter one bit. It's just a stupid fear I have, I don't want my emotions to take away from what's important, which is a healthy baby.

kelly321 · August 2012

Aegis2005:
I guess I'm the only one that gets a little annoyed by the "I'll be disappointed" posts.

Looks like I'd be the one that's flamed, but after being told that I would never have my husband's child, and then being given a less 5% chance, then the clusterfu*k of medical issues I've had since my m/c - I can 100% say I don't care what the baby is, I just want it to be healthy.

But this wasn't an "I'll be disappointed" post, it was an "I'm worried I'll be disappointed even though all I really want is a healthy baby" post, and personally I think there's a difference.

And I hope you understood my post correctly - what I want is a healthy baby. I really do not care whether it's a boy or a girl. But as I tried to explain - no matter what this LO ends up being, my daydreams about the other sex will go "poof," and I think that's where a little bit of sadness comes from. In my case with my first pregnancy, it wasn't because DD was a girl - that was just fine, and I was/am happy - the touch of sadness came from letting go of the dreams of a little boy as a firstborn (roughhousing with DH, watching out for or being protective of little siblings, etc).

ETA: I hope this didn't sound critical of you. It wasn't supposed to be. When people say, "OMG, we found out it's a boy and I'm so disappointed because I love pink sparkly things and really, really, really wanted a girl," then that gets a big side-eye from me, too. I just felt the tone of this OP was a lot different.

luckymom3 · August 2012

Totally see where you are coming from. You won't get any flames from me. We struggled with secondary infertility for two years with this little one and I have to have a repeat c-section. I have discussed it with DH and neither of us wants to go through either again after this. I already have a 4 year old DS and naturally would love a girl too. Healthy goes without saying and if it's a boy, of course I am going to be ecstatic but a part of me wonders if I won't be a little sad as well since this is the last one. That in no way means I'll cry for days, etc. Long story short, I get it. You're totally fine for wondering. You are not a bad person!

mishka29 · August 2012

I've actually read a bit on the internet about 'gender disappointment' because I have the same worry as well. I'm so convicenced this is a boy that if I find out I'm having a girl I don't think I will be able to stop the irrational disappointment. We can't help how we feel. I think these feelings tend to be pretty short lived.

I can certainly understand how some people might not understand this fear b/c they have gone through a lot to get where they are and after all that their focus and priorities might be in a different place. My point being that everyone's experiences are different and it is those experiences that are going to determine how we look at and feel about things.

ThenCaliSays · September 2012

I wish I could find this blog I read last week. It was about gender mourning, basically these feelings and worries are totally normal and most women go through it. I have one of each, but both sexes come with worries, if it is another boy I worry about space and the kids sharing space not to mention that our DS is 6 and we have very few of his baby items still. If it is a girl I worry about how they are going to do sharing a room, and having two teenage girls someday!

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