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Breastfeeding
katiedid7908
member
Xp-Humiliated - Other people uncomfortable with BF?
katiedid7908
member
Hi, FTM here and I EBF my 9week old.... wondering how people deal with other folks' discomfort with BF?? I am not able to sleep, I am so mortified right now.... we are spending the long weekend (5 days!) with the in-laws and arrived today. Before arriving, I asked my husband how his family would feel if I breastfed (they are pretty conservative) and he assured me that they would want me to feel comfortable as in my own home. Well at dinner, LO was fussy and wanted to eat (doesn't that always happen, right when you sit down? Ha). I discreetly took him in the other room to latch him on and then came back to eat dinner with the family (we had literally JUST sat down...). Stupidly, I did not use a blanket (it was like 80 degrees!), but LO blocked any glimpse of boob, and mine are pretty small anyways! He finished and I burped him, we had dessert, blah blah blah until I took him upstairs to begin our bedtime routine. Then husband comes up to say goodnight and informs me that it was apparently very taboo for me to have breastfed at the table! He said he had to defend me to his family (thanks, man!), but I am INCREDIBLY humiliated and don't know how I'll make it through the rest of this weekend... 5 days!!! Anyone else deal with people who are not "okay" with breastfeeding?! How do I deal? And most importantly, how do I recover from this extremely embarrassing scene??? Thanks for any advice or support!!!!
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Re: Xp-Humiliated - Other people uncomfortable with BF?
You chose to feed your baby who was hungry. You chose to engage in a natural process that will make their grandchild happy and healthy. Changing what you do now would just be bowing to their and some societal expectation that breast feeding is something that is taboo. They need to deal with their level of comfort and adjust, not you.
I know it may be difficult, but your hubby defended you for a reason.
At this point all you can do is smile say good morning and be more aware of your hostess comfort level with bfing. In public I'm all about my child's comfort comes before others comfort but while your a guest in someone's home you do need to be a little more sensitive of their wishes. Hope it all works out.
I might do that out of spite too, lol.
I am sorry that you had to go through this. My opinion is if they get to eat at the table, so does baby. My father and FIL both got uncomfortable about it when visiting at the hospital when DD was born and I told them point blank that this is something they have to get used to if they are going to be around DD. It's a package deal. They got over it. But, my family and DH's are generally laid back. I'm not spending my life hiding away for the next year or so. There's no shame in food.
I would however be spitey enough to take it to the extreme suggested by PP for the sake of making a point... They'd probably change their tune pretty quick when they realized that they wouldn't get to see their grandchild at all during the visit.
haha!
I don't BF in front of my in-laws because I'm sure they'd be super-weird about it. They adopted their kids and think BFing is silly and unnecessary and I know it annoys the crap out of MIL because she wants to give LO a bottle. I always go in the other room when I feed LO around them. My ILs are not my favorite people and it gives me a chance to get away from them. I love it
I use breastfeeding as an excuse to leave the room my ILs are in. Is this not normal? LOL
Seriously though, my ILs grate on my NERVES, and I LOOOOOVED having an excuse to disappear to another room. I would nurse and watch movies on Netflix on my iPhone. Funny how my nursing sessions would last 30+ min every 2 hours on the dot when I was around them. hehehe
I never have and never will apologize for feeding my hungry child. Please don't feel compelled to go that route, and don't feel that you have to exile yourself.
I would say something along the lines of "it's unfortunate that you feel uncomfortable with me feeding your grandchild in the most natural and healthy way possible, but he has a right to eat too. If you would rather not be around him eating, how would you like to handle this? I could give you a warning so you can leave the room, or we can go home so it isn't an issue for you at all."
DH's father had such a problem with BFing, he would leave the room and instruct his wife and 10 year old daughter to leave the room too while I fed DD, even in their own home. He also bought formula, appalled that we were only giving BM, which "doesn't have all the vitamins babies need"...a real gem. We once went out to eat with them, and of course LO wanted to eat too... when he suggested I bring LO to the bathroom and feed her there, I stood up and walked out of the restaurant while DH told his father that we won't be going out with them anymore, and if he has a problem he can eat in the bathroom. DH's father has since learned to deal with it and avert his eyes, even though he wouldn't be able to see anything anyway, and he doesn't instruct his family to leave anymore.
My own mother is against BFing also. I could go on for pages about her, but I eventually had to tell her that if she's not ok with her granddaughter eating, then we can't spend more than maybe 2-3 hours max at her house. She has since gotten over it.
It really sucks when the people in your life are so unsupportive, but you just keep doing what's best for your baby.
That's totally an unreasonable request. Do you dictate to guests in your home how they can and can't eat? It's a baby eating, for goodness sake. Not all babies like to eat under blankets, and not all moms like to deal with them either.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.