February 2012 Moms
help me with this debate
Regarding xmas in future years, I like the idea of getting gifts LO will want, and also surprising her with fun gifts she didn't necessarily want, but I know she will like, like clothes jewelry, etc.
Dh says that I will be dictating her gifts if I do that, and that I should save my resources for only what she asks for.
He claims that otherwise she will be disappointed. I think having q mix of expected and unexpected gifts is a good way to learn gratitude. Plus I like surprises, and I'm good at identifying what people like.
Somehow we had a huge fight about this.
What do you guys think? I'm open to either opinion.
Dh says that I will be dictating her gifts if I do that, and that I should save my resources for only what she asks for.
He claims that otherwise she will be disappointed. I think having q mix of expected and unexpected gifts is a good way to learn gratitude. Plus I like surprises, and I'm good at identifying what people like.
Somehow we had a huge fight about this.
What do you guys think? I'm open to either opinion.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: help me with this debate
My family is a Foreign Service family. Families like mine are posted in every corner of the globe. We live our lives away from family, friends and the conviences and comforts of home. We often live and work in dangerous places among those that misunderstand our intentions and purposes. Sometimes members of our ranks sacrifice our lives to further diplomacy. Please remember that we serve too. And I'm always open to questions.
However, now she is 14, and it's a little harder to buy things just cause I think she'll like them. Her tastes are much more expensive than they used to be, so I don't like buying something that *I* think she'll like when there are other things I *know* she'd rather have. For example, last year, she wanted itunes gift cards. My husband saw a bath set and was sure she'd love it. I won the battle and we ended up NOT getting the bath set. But just for kicks, I asked her after if she would've liked it. She said she's much happier that she got the itunes gift cards that she wanted.
So, like I said, I'm torn. I can see both sides of it. I think so much of it depends on the individual child, what is on the list, and what the "other" gift would be.
If they make a list and you solely get stuff from the list, where is the surprise on Christmas? I understand your H's point and wouldn't get a lot of stuff off the list when they're older, but for younger kids they're easy to please and you should be able to make them happy with some surprise stuff too. As they get older - like PP mentioned, in their teens they're pickier - maybe just one or two things. Maybe you could start a tradition of a bracelet that you could add a charm to each year? That way it's like a keepsake, but also something not on her list.
Something for your H to keep in mind - the most special gifts I've ever gotten are surprise ones from my dad. A figurine on my wedding day and another when the girls were born. My mom always did the gift buying so for him to go out and pick something out for me meant a lot. I think any gift with sentimental value will never be some list, but 5, 10 years from. Those will be the ones she remembers (whether it's for Christmas or anything else). As a compromise, maybe to that route - no surprise "stuff", but gifts with meaning.
I agree with you. I think surprises are what make gift-giving fun, for both the giver and the receiver. Often the best gifts are the ones you didn't think to ask for.
I also think that kids who are used to getting their lists filled sometimes get greedy. I have heard kids come back to school after Christmas break upset that they didn't get such-and-such off of their list, like their parents had been obligated to complete it. I think that having a mixture of surprise gifts and things from the list teaches that the list is a wish list, not a list of things they should then expect to receive.
You be surprised at how little they might want or what weird things they want. My oldest is usually into ONE thing, at the moment s Legos. Child number two does not care about things at all.
I usually get them what they want ( and what I'm willing to buy, last year they wanted I phones, a puppy... I said NO). And then other stuff too. It's really more about staying in a budget and making everything look even and making a big impression under the Christmas tree... ( Santa does not wrap).
Santa never brought everything that was on our lists and he always brought things that were not on the list. Honestly we didn't really notice which things were on the list and which weren't- we were just excited to getting lots of presents.
Although Santa never brought me a Chia-pet or a Xerox machine and I asked him every year for many years. I don't know what he had against those gifts.
I think he's jealous that he lacks the "mama knows" gift lol! seriously though - I agree with you. My mom (or "santa") would often get us thins we liked. My parents didn't have much financially - so we grew up rarely getting what we wanted or asked for. But the gifts we did get were pretty awesome. My mom is like you and kinda just knows what we love.
TTC #2 since 10/2013
BFP #1 (4.14.14) ~ CP (4.18.14)
BFP #2 (6.27.14) ~ EDD 3.7.15
My Mom avoided this by never having us make lists. She would pay attention to things we talked about, said we liked when we were out shopping, or what we saw on tv and said we wanted.
This way, she always got us things we'd like, but it was all a surprise. I seriously have never made out a Christmas list, and yet I've never received anything from my parents for Christmas that I didn't like.
We were also taught to always be grateful for a gift, regardless of what it is or who it's from. Before we went to any gift-giving or receiving event, my Mom would give us the "be thankful" speech... you know the "Whatever you get, you smile and say thank you. Someone went to the trouble of getting that gift for you, and they thought you'd really like it, so don't you dare hurt their feelings" speech. And you know what? We never, ever let on that we didn't like what we got.
212 Facebook Admin.
Hmmm ... I think I agree with you on this one.
In the beginning, her gifts will be solely picked out by you, but as she gets older, she will voice her opinions as to what she likes and doesn't like.
Once she begins school, there will definitely be peer pressure to get certain toys or to like certain characters (Trust me, I see it every year in my Grade 2 class). So, she may ask for those items because she thinks she's suppose to. However, as her mom, you will definitely know what gifts she'd also enjoy, even if she doesn't ask for them. I think you should surprise her with them!
BFP #3 - 05.20.11, EDD - 01.31.12, Logan is here! 02.05.12
BFP #2 - 03.16.11, M/C 03.24.11
BFP #1 - 10.17.10, Blighted Ovum dx, M/C 01.09.11
I don't remember making a list. I know we got a mix of things that we made known we wanted and that my mom or santa bought. Sometimes the ones I didn't ask for were the best to get. Surprises are also fun. We always got one "big" item (usually electronics or jewelry). I hated when my mom would buy me clothes though because she had no idea what I liked.
LOL, this totally sounds like an argument that my DH and I would get into. I would be in agreement with you. Like PP have said, it is no fun not being surprised! When I was little, I remember I used to make very long lists of what I wanted. I knew I wasn't going to get everything and I was ok with that. That's the fun in waking up on Christmas morning and opening the presents! My mom was pretty good at picking out other items I would like as well. I don't ever really remember being disappointed.
I would say when the kids get much older, as in teenagers, this may get harder. Teenagers are very specific about their brands, colors, everything. But throughout childhood, surprises are nice and I don't think opening gifts would be the same without it!
I think it is so easy to go overboard with Christmas gifts. And when you add in (in our case) 3 sets of grandparents and 2 great grandmas, plus 7 aunts and uncles etc., your DD is going to get lots of stuff on her list without us/Santa having to provide it all.
I heard this somewhere and I thought it was clever: Give something she wants, something she needs, something to wear and something to read.
I am with some of the PP, I don't think you should just get what they want for two reasons:
1. It feels like they are dictating their gifts and that is not what gift giving is about.
2. Surprises are fun and you will know things that your child will like.
I am torn about lists. My mom used to have us make lists and then would barely get anything from them. It felt like a wasted exercise and led to disappointment sometimes. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I would rather not make a list and just be surprised.
One thing that I LOVE and has been super helpful for our family: make an Amazon wish list for your LO. Family and friends can use it as a guide for what you child likes/wants/needs. Most can use it properly (though we did have an issue with my mom not marking stuff off last year and there were some duplicates!). My SIL has one for all the kids and will send it if you ask what they want for Christmas, Birthdays, etc. I would include a note on how to mark something as purchased so you don't get duplicates. They DO NOT have to buy the item from Amazon. They can mark it purchased and get it anywhere. My mom has already been asking about a list for Ben.
FACEBOOK FEB 12 BUMPIES ADMIN - POST & PM ME TO JOIN
I love a surprise, and did when I was little, too. For example, a few years ago my mom got me the super deluxe hard back HP set in the cute little box. I adore it, and I am glad that she did, even though I would never ask for it.
Hubs and I plan to use the 4 gift rule: 1 gift they want, 1 gift they need, 1 gift they wear and 1 gift they read.
Agreed.
I teach my kids "you get what you get and you don't get upset"
I also feel like as a parent you want to expose your kids to things they don't know about and that can happen with gifts. We do that all the time with our kids.