So who thinks having a kid out of wed lock is trashy?

Ashley Pharez · December 2008

Just curious as to how many here feel this way.

?I know of couples that aren't married but live together, have a normal relationship, and have kids or are having kids. ?I don't see anything wrong with it as long as the children are taken care of and have two parents who love them very much. ?

?

Jessimurph · December 2008

I think there are other more important factors that make someone trashy. It can add to the trashyness, but there are also responsible unmarried couples that have had children that I don't think are trashy.

N.Miller · December 2008

One child with one guy - not trashy

3+ children all with different fathers - trashy

These are all out of wedlock of course.

Pumpkin111 · December 2008

It's definitely not how I would prefer to live my life... or how I would want my children to live.

PlannedChaos · December 2008

As I said on second tri, I don't think that's what makes somebody trashy - it's what they do from that point on. I know far more "trashy" married people. If you get knocked up, get off your butt, and do what's right to take care of your child and be a good parent, not so trashy.

DansLuckyGirl · December 2008

I don't think it's the ideal situation, but I don't think it's trashy at all either. I think all that really matters is that the child is loved.

Pumpkin111 · December 2008

N.Miller:

One child with one guy - not trashy

3+ children all with different fathers - trashy

These are all out of wedlock of course.

This is true.

everlove · December 2008

N.Miller:

One child with one guy - not trashy

3+ children all with different fathers - trashy

These are all out of wedlock of course.

Agreed

KateVA · December 2008

As long as the parents are committed to the child, it is not trashy at all. Just something that happens.

SummersJuly15 · December 2008

excitedforlittleone:

Just curious as to how many here feel this way.

I know of couples that aren't married but live together, have a normal relationship, and have kids or are having kids. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as the children are taken care of and have two parents who love them very much.

I agree - as long as the children are in a healthy environment, I don't have a problem. Who am I to judge? I'm definitely not perfect!

megs042107 · December 2008

i think it all depends on the situation. ?there are unmarried couples who take care of their children very well but choose not to get married. ?not trashy, just not my thing. ?

people who don't take care of their children, whether married or not are trashy, imo. ?i don't think it's an issue of marriage.?

jamie4duke · December 2008

If I did I would be the pot calling the kettle black.

I don't have a problem with it as long as the parents are responsible and can take care of the kids.

angelynn8411 · December 2008

depends on the situation. I don't think it's "trashy" per se, but I do know some people that actively tried to have a baby before they were married. Don't get me wrong, accidents happen but it's a whole different situation to try to get pregnant when you are broke, not married, etc. Having said that, I know plenty of people that have kids and ARE married, and they are total trash.

Miss.Modular · December 2008

Jessimurph:
I think there are other more important factors that make someone trashy. It can add to the trashyness, but there are also responsible unmarried couples that have had children that I don't think are trashy.

agreed!

angelynn8411 · December 2008

Pumpkin111:
N.Miller:

One child with one guy - not trashy

3+ children all with different fathers - trashy

These are all out of wedlock of course.

This is true.

and yes, that's the epitome of trashy.

mariatech22 · December 2008

megs042107:

i think it all depends on the situation. there are unmarried couples who take care of their children very well but choose not to get married. not trashy, just not my thing.

people who don't take care of their children, whether married or not are trashy, imo. i don't think it's an issue of marriage.

Exactly!

Cassandra1028 · December 2008

That seems like a pretty black and white question for a gray answer. I definitely do not think having children out of wedlock is trashy....what's trashy is having 5 children with 5 different dads and not taking care of the children because you're too busy getting trashed at the local tavern working on #6. My brother had his first daughter out of wedlock and it's a good think because the mom turned out to be a nutjob and trashy (l.o.n.g trashy story could be inserted here about her that might top 2nd tri trashtasticness).

noimnotmarried · December 2008

yes, i think i am the trashiest person ever. lol.

i know a lot of married people with and without kids who are trashy as hell.

on a related note, getting married just because of an unplanned pregnancy can end up as a trashy situation, imo.

Aprilsies · December 2008

I am not a fan... I have 2 friends having babies out of wedlock.... not something I would do or think it okay but to each his own. It's whatever works for them.

lovealways6565 · December 2008

N.Miller:

One child with one guy - not trashy

3+ children all with different fathers - trashy

These are all out of wedlock of course.

I agree 100%

lbitz · December 2008

how about this one... I know a girl, married with 2 kids. DH got snipped and she got preg. Claimed it was husbands and dr said it was possible since he never did a follow up appt on the snipping. Kid is 3 1/2 now and obviously not his child. She and DH are fair skinned red heads and this kid is definitely half black. She still claims it's hubby's and abruptly stopped hanging out with her "very good friend" (who is black) after kid was born. OH and she didn't tell her DH she was pregnant until she was in labor and he DIDN'T NOTICE. wow!

noimnotmarried · December 2008

re: "not something i would do or think is okay" .... so if a person has an unplanned pregnancy in a committed relationship, they should have an abortion? is that trashy?

Mrs.AKP · December 2008

megs042107:

i think it all depends on the situation. there are unmarried couples who take care of their children very well but choose not to get married. not trashy, just not my thing.

people who don't take care of their children, whether married or not are trashy, imo. i don't think it's an issue of marriage.

agreed.

Sunny1inTucson · December 2008

What are we, back in the 1950s?

First of all, I think having the kid in the first place is more responsible than getting an abortion in most cases. Secondly, I'd rather the couple NOT get married if they would just be doing it "for the sake of the child" - because marriage due to a baby is no reason to get married.

divakat · December 2008

I wouldn't call it "trashy". Everyone makes mistakes and we are only human. But to have a child purposely out of wedlock to me is not right. We are experiencing the effects of a breakdown of the family unit in society. I believe it is very important that a child grow up with a mother and a father, and this type of arrangement makes it easier for the father not to be around.

mavilabride · December 2008

I'm in 1st tri but lurk here and on 2nd tri because *sometimes* the posts are more meaningful.

And I would never dare post in something if I didn't know what I was talking about.

We were planning a wedding, got a little too excited and carried away one evening, and now we're having a baby. We've been together for 7 years, went through college together, built our careers, own a home, have more than enough money saved up, and in the 7 years together have never been through a "scare" or broken up. We're not married. But we are solid.

Now, will I ever go writing a book about the beauty of unwed couples having babies? No. Will I ever preach it to anyone? No.

But I am far from trashy in that aspect. What makes me trashy is that I buy foods from restaurants and claim it as my own, not that I'm not married and having a baby.

Huh?

TimingisEverything · December 2008

I don't think it is trashy to only have one parent, let alone two who just choose not to get married. Shit happens, people get knocked up, doesn't make one trashy.

Zurita1123 · December 2008

lbitz:
how about this one... I know a girl, married with 2 kids. DH got snipped and she got preg. Claimed it was husbands and dr said it was possible since he never did a follow up appt on the snipping. Kid is 3 1/2 now and obviously not his child. She and DH are fair skinned red heads and this kid is definitely half black. She still claims it's hubby's and abruptly stopped hanging out with her "very good friend" (who is black) after kid was born. OH and she didn't tell her DH she was pregnant until she was in labor and he DIDN'T NOTICE. wow!

um... TRASHY.

hbach83 · December 2008

Depends. I agree with a lot of the PPs who said if they aren't taken care of, that's trashy. Or having multiple kid with multiple partners, that's trashy.

I had a baby with my ex-fiance and then we fell apart, were never married. Years later, I got married we're expcting our baby now, and I don't feel trashy for having my first baby out of wedlock. His dad and I are great parents and get along great and DS is loving having two families.

LittleEgypt · December 2008

Sunny1inTucson:

What are we, back in the 1950s?

Noooo kidding... Who the f uses the term 'wedlock'?

I would never classify this as 'trashy', given that there is a whole chunk of society who doesn't have the option of raising their children in 'wedlock' (yes I mean gay people).

I do disagree with the pp statement about abortion always being less responsible - That totally depends on the person and the situation. I know people who definitely should not reproduce, married or not.

firefight516 · December 2008

noimnotmarried:
yes, i think i am the trashiest person ever. lol.

i know a lot of married people with and without kids who are trashy as hell.

on a related note, getting married just because of an unplanned pregnancy can end up as a trashy situation, imo.

i agree with this my SIL AND BIL got married just because they found out she was pregnant. their son is now 3 has suffered from sexual abuse by his father and SIL and BIL are now getting divorced.

krystlerenee143 · December 2008

I think that in and of itself does not make anyone trashy.

Its how they carry themselves and handle situations.

Want a personalized experience?

So who thinks having a kid out of wed lock is trashy?

Re: So who thinks having a kid out of wed lock is trashy?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards