working moms: I'm feeling depressed :/ — The Bump
January 2012 Moms

working moms: I'm feeling depressed :/

I've only been back to work 2 weeks (I'm a teacher, so I was off for the summer) and I already feel terrible.  I never wanted to be a working mom to begin with, but I have no choice.   Our two incomes are necessary to survive.  But I HATE it.  It's nothing against my job at all, I love my job and it's perfect for me.  But all I really wanted was to be a full-time mom.

I feel terrible when I leave DS.  When I pick him up I have to go straight home, feed him, then make dinner.  By the time I get dinner cleaned up it's bedtime for DS.  I get almost no time with him.  He's not attached to anyone, so he never seems to miss me at all.  He doesn't cry when I leave or get excited when I come back...I just feel like I'm not his mom anymore.  Just another one of his caregivers.  And I miss having my buddy all day :(  After my maternity leave I was ok after a week or so back at work.  But this summer I felt like I was doing what I was meant to do, so it's been harder to go back now.  I just need some encouragement right now. I've cried every night this week!


Re: working moms: I'm feeling depressed :/

  • Hang in there.  It's gets easier.  FInd ways to simplify your routine (not easy, but if you do little things).  And while your son may not know now, the days are coming when you come in or pick him up and he'll give you the huge smile.  He knows his mommy.  I also try to just ignore the world around me when I get home and spend 15-30 minutes just playing.  It means I have to stay up a little later, but it's worth it.  Good luck!

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  • I'm sorry that you're having a rough time. Try to hang in there.

    We have hugely rearranged our evening schedules to get a bit more time with DD. Pre-baby, we usually worked out after work, then showered, made dinner, etc. But maintaining that routine would mean no time with DD before her 7:30 bedtime, so things had to change.

    Now when we get home from daycare, we will usually eat something small like a yogurt or a piece of fruit so we can wait until after DD goes to bed to make dinner. That way we can give her our full attention for the two or so hours between when we get home and when she goes to bed. Dinner ends up being late and I have had to learn to run with dinner in my tummy, which is something I thought I could never do, but it has all worked out.

    I hope this gets better for you. Maybe a change in routine would help some.

    Duke's House: Eating and Running with the Big Dog in Chennai:


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  • Have you ever thought of premakeing meals and freezeing them? That way when you get home all you have to do is throw dinner in the oven. Also, is it possible for your son to go to bed a little later(I know that doesn't always work)? My kids are up till 8:30. It helps my husband get some extra time with them. I have a couple friends who are teachers and they put in so many hours of their own time. I personally thinks it's one of the most admirable jobs a person can have. You're setting an excellent example for your son. And I think babies go through phases when they prefer one parent over the other. My son had times when he was way more excited to play with my husband as opposed to me!! Is it possible to take just a little time off? Like one school year? My husband and I sacrificed some extras for me to be able to stay home. Like we have no cable, we drive older (but reliable) cars, no smartphones, no text messages, we live in a smaller home, we eat out only twice a month, we buy all used clothes, etc. Have you spoke with your husband about coming up with lower budget. I'm only saying these things because you seem like you really want to be a SAHM. Remember they grow quickly. Don't look back and have regrets. Be confindent which ever direction you go and remember you're an awesome mom!
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  • Left Hug I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. And I think all of us working moms can relate. It's not easy but it does get better. And your little man definitely knows, loves and needs his mommy and pretty soon he'll give you the grin every time he sees you :)
    Just like PP said, see if you can change your routine a bit. I get up extra early so I can be ready and showered and can then in piece spend the time with DD to get her ready and still have time to do a little dance with her before we take off and not rush around trying to gather things. In the evening, we go home and we spend the time with her. Once she goes to bed, we eat, clean up and do whatever else we need to do. If we don't get it all done, oh well, it will wait for us the next day.

    Hang in there!!!!

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  • I am a school psych, so I work in the schools too. I know it is so hard! I work really hard when I am at work, but I arrive no earlier than I have to and I leave right when I can. Other staff are in my office and I am literally packing up and walking out as they are talking to me. I still complete everything I need to do, I just stay for the 7 hours I am required. Have you considered doing this? Maybe you can do your planning at home, after LO goes to bed at night? 

    One thing I try to think about is how much more time I get with DD than some other working moms. We get snow days, vacations all the time, SUMMER, and I get to see  DD for 1 hour before work and 4 hours after work. I miss her a lot during the day, but I have to say it gets easier. It helps me to know that she is having fun at daycare (they have video monitoring so I get to watch her) while I am working. Sometimes I call them to see how her mood is, to make sure she is happy (if you don't have video monitoring, maybe you can do this?) Your LO knows you are his mommma- he knows your smell, voice much better than anyone else's!

    Just some ideas. Hang in there. Christmas vacation will be here before you know it! And it's a long vacation with the way new year's day falls!! 

  • My nights are the same. Running afterwork and then hurrying with dinner bath bed. It's like I never get a second to just enjoy DS. I'm trying to simplify and only do necessities at night. Hugs. Hoping that these ladies are right and it does get easier. 
    DC:#1 10/2006 born at 40 weeks (33 weeks PTL)
    DC#2 born silent at 22 weeks 1.11.11
    Dc#3 born vbac 1/2012 <bra DC#4 born VBAC 3/2014
  • I am a teacher too, and I feel the exact same way that you do. I actually lost my job in the spring, so I was ok with being extremely poor for a  little while until I found another job. BUT then my school district recalled me and I couldn't turn it down because of the money.

     I am sad every single day. What makes it worse is that DH is sad about it too. He likes knowing that I am home with my kids. I don't know what the answer is because IMO, we have a great job to be a mom. We get so many breaks/ holidays off and we get summer off. But it's the working days that really suck. 

     I also have a 3 year old. So, essentially, I have been feeling this way for over 3 years. The only good thing that I keep reminding myself of is that fact that my 3 year old likes going to daycare and even though I hate leaving him, I know that it will get easier as time goes on with my new little one. 

     I'm not sure what you teach, but maybe next year you can look into an teaching for an online school. You would be home, but teaching. You would probably still need daycare in some way, but it would cut down on some travel time and other things that take you away from LO while working outside the home. I looked into it and even had an interview, but I didn't get the job :(

     GL- and just know that it does get a little easier day by day. 

  • I hear you, it is hard, especially with them at this age. Once you are back into the swing of things at work that should help.

    I have my DH make dinner, and that helps. When we get home he cooks while I nurse.
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  • All the PPs made great points. I'm in same boat as you also a teacher. I feel sick leaving ds every day. I love my job too but would rather be a SAHM until ds goes to preschool. I'm actually considering moving in with my mom if we have another baby so I could afford to take a year off. Do you have any option like that?
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