FURIOUS!!! (gender ultrasound)
Bride-hilda
member
I made an ultrasound appointment with my usual doctor, during a usual appointment. All the information about the appointment said, "ultrasound to check on the baby and determine the gender." Then we get to the appointment and my midwife tells me that for gender I have to schedule an entirely different appointment, in a different place, with a different dude, and a nifty-sonogram machine.
So, my question is... why the heck didn't anybody tell me this? Should I have figured this out for myself? I can't tell you how disappointed I am. 
My midwife, I think, could tell I was sad, so she did her best to tell us what the gender is on their shabby ultrasound (which might have been the plan all along...?) The umbilical cord was between baby's legs, so she didn't get a good look, but said since she didn't see anything dangling, it MIGHT be a girl. But I'm not buying any bows yet. 
I guess I'm looking for similar experiences, words of encouragement, advice? There's a huge chance I'm just crazy and overlooked details, but please be nice. I'm feeling pretty low. Wah.
Re: FURIOUS!!! (gender ultrasound)
If the machine can't offer a decent shot of the gentials, then can it offer good images and measurements of the rest of the anatomy?I mean that is the whole point of the 20 week us. To get a good look at all the organs and everything, and make sure the baby is healthy and developing the way it should.
I would be upset too! It's pretty much a given that as long as e baby cooperates, an anatomy scan is when you find out the sex of the baby.
This. Our NT scan was and our upcoming AS will be with the fancy ultrasound machine. If they can't even get a clear shot of something dangling or not, how can they really tell if everything is measuring correctly?
I'm assuming that this was NOT your anatomy scan? That's usually done with the fancier u/s.
I have no idea why they didn't communicate better BUT
1. The point of the anatomy scan is NOT to determine sex of the bay.
2. I don't understand feeling "low" because of this. You should be scheduled for an anatomy scan soon, right?
Ok people - don't be mean. She is pregnant and emotional and was looking forward to a huge moment as a mother. Of course you will have this moment soon and so there is a huge bright side here, but I completely understand your immediate disappointment. I feel like I never know what the next appointment is about until I get there. It's frustrating. I think that doctor offices do this stuff so often that they don't remember how new and exciting it is each of us.
I hope you were able to schedule your a/s very soon and your baby is super cooperative! Big hugs to you!
If you are frustrated by not knowing what to expect, why don't you ask. You have a say in your health care and I do not see how this is anyone's fault but your own that you are frustrated about this.
OP: I agree with PPs that I am confused about the point of this u/s because during pregnancy there is no "gender u/s", the appointment that comes closest to that is an anatomy scan where they check all major organs to make sure LO is developing properly. It sounds like they got you scheduled for that, so you should be all set.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
Whats with the attacking today? This board is never like that. I'm commiserating with a woman who is clearly being stressed today. Let it go. I didn't ask for comment on my medical treatment.
I'm failing to see where anyone was being mean....?
OP: That sucks the appointment ended up not being what you thought, perhaps it would be a good idea at future appointments to ask what will happen at the next one so you have an idea.
Because the SEX IS SO IMPORTANT! What did women do before ultrasounds? How did they survive?!?!?!
Snark aside, I agree with PP above, and a/s is to take measurements and check development etc. Knowing the sex is just a bonus. And like she said, you should have another scan soon right?
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
Honestly, thank you. Even those of you who were a little blunt were helpful. It was an anatomy scan, and I probably got my hopes up, (first time mother here! It happens.) I do know that the entire purpose of the scan wasn't to see the gender. I know they don't do that. But the list of what to expect at this appointment included finding out the gender. It might have even said, "hopefully," but I took that to mean, "probably." Which was probably my own fault. I'm sure this happens a lot, I was just REALLY excited, and it's okay that I'm disappointed about it. My disappointment will pass, and nearly has. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I'm sorry if my complaints upset people who know what true complaints are, (not that I've never known, just not this time... that I know of.)
Oh, and the reason the U/S didn't pick up the gender was mostly because baby was hiding it's parts behind the umbilical cord. But before my midwife even started the U/S she made it very clear that we probably wouldn't be able to see the gender, which was not what I was lead to expect by the information given me about this appointment.
Mostly, I just wish someone would have told me I needed to make this other appointment with a different doctor for a fancy-u/s. Nobody breathed a word about this.
Thank you. That is all.
No one attacked you or OP. I commented on information you posted, if you are offended by comments made by people on the internet, this probably is not the place for you.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
This would be my concern.
Yes, finding out the sex of your child is a benefit, but the main point is to find out if everything is okay health-wise. They measure and visually check the heart, brain, arm and leg bones, spine, kidneys, liver, lungs, hips, feet, hands, etc. It's not all about the sex, but I can see why you'd be disappointed. I think I'd want to go to another place to be sure my child was healthy and if not, get prepared for what baby needs.
My OB has their own u/s machine which they normally do the anatomy scan on. The resolution definitely is not as good as the one at the Fetal & Women's imaging center which is where she sends me for all for the "important" u/s based on my AMA.
I'm sorry your paperwork did not set your expectations more appropriately. Did you talk to your midwife about when you should expect another u/s?
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
This board is NEVER like that? Really? You must be new here. FYI...If you didn't want someone commending on your medical treatment, you probably shouldn't have brought it up. This is a public forum, people can comment on whatever you put out there.
OP, I do think you were overreacting. I'd be more upset that they were using a crappy U/S machine to do my A/S than the fact that they couldn't determine the sex of the baby. That being said, kudos to you for realizing that you were overreacting.
Yeah, I'm still failing to see where the meanness and attacking took place. I reread the responses. They were all straight forward but tame.
This. There is no way this was the big anatomy scan.
100% This.
BFP#2 5/28/2011, EDD 2/1/2012, chemical pg
BFP#3 10/22/2011, EDD 6/30/2012, natural m/c 11/3/2011 @ 6 weeks
BFP#4 4/16/2012, EDD 12/24/2012, Beta #1 23 @ 10dpo, Beta #2 68 @ 12dpo, Beta #3 370 @ 16dpo, Saw baby and heartbeat on 5/11/2012.
It's a boy!
This
So blown out of proportion. I was just trying to show some commraderie and empathy and instead was criticized. I was speaking to the OP. I didn't ask for response. It's impossible to read tone on here, everyone should be considerate of that. One persons blunt is another persons mean. I feel I am being straight forward and I can already hear the typing of catty responses because someone thinks I am being bratty...or something. I tried to help and have been told that "maybe I don't belong here". I read that as Mean.
Agreed. I don't understand why the quality of an a/s would be questionable.
Also--I totally sympathize with your feelings. I have an a/s on Friday and would be disappointed not to find out the gender.
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Perhaps you don't understand how a message board works. One person says something and then whoever feels like it says something back. It doesn't matter if you asked for a response.
I had my A/S yesterday, and while they were able to confirm baby's sex, I also got the news that I have to go to a special hourlong fetal cardiology sonogram next week. So, despite the fact that I get a second ultrasound,I would much rather be in your shoes with a 100 healthyseeming mysterysexed baby than have to be wondering if everything is normal or not with my baby's heart. YMMV.
If you were to go to a private clinic, and have another a/s done, that would be considered receiving a second opinion. I'm not trying to be snarky, but often a Dr. will cover their butt by suggesting against many things. For example, the hospital I delivered DD in requested no video or pictures during delivery anticipating that if something were to go wrong, they don't want photographic or video evidence of the OB possibly doing something "wrong". If you are totally satisfied with the a/s that your OB performs, that is one thing, however the OP complained that the u/s did not seem up to par, and described images that raise questions, and that would definitely give me pause. That is precisely the case in which I would be looking into a second opinion whether my Dr. suggested it or not. Enough patients second guessing a doctor's medical practice could apply the pressure needed to force them to update their out of date diagnostic machines.
A) The point of the 20 week scan is to make sure your baby is developing properly & that it has all of its organs in the right place & formed correctly - this includes the genitalia, but that isn't the sole purpose of the scan. It is totally normal to have to schedule a separate appointment for the scan, as a technician usually does it & relays the results to your OB/MW.
This.