Friends want to throw us a shower

Mush-Tastic · August 2012

once we're on the waiting list. This would be around the end of this year.

Is that super premature? We will have the entire nursery painted and ready to go. We will have the entire room sitting there empty for however long we're in this whole process.

I realize buying clothes would be a bad move since we don't know gender, time of the year the baby will be coming home, etc. We could use some help with the other basics, though. I don't think people would feel so comfortable just giving us money , though. We will have the whole thing paid for when the time comes.

Is it weird to do a shower when it could be a long time afterward that we actually get matched and bring home a baby? Or would it be smart to be completely ready if we didn't get much warning that a baby is actually arriving?

Thoughts?

I could see it going either way.

baze2 · August 2012

I don't think it is crazy..however, for me, it would be crushing to walk past a nursery already complete with no baby. We have been waiting 14 months. That is a really long time to look at all the baby stuff. So I am sure we will have a meet and greet when we do find our child. For now, I am guarding my emotions. Especially since we are thinking of pulling our profile in a few months if we still have not been chosen.

MarionB79 · August 2012

My family, friends and co-workers did my showers shortly after our son arrived. We had the basics to bring him home, and actually got some gifts before the showers. I didn't want a shower before hand, because that would have been to much. This way I was really excited about the showers and celebrating the arrival of DS.

DH stayed with DS while I was gone. Fortunately my DH has enough self confidence to stay home alone with our little one. )

jillianmb · August 2012

I say follow your heart on this one; it really is a personal decision. We are doing international adoption and my shower will be a couple weeks before our court date. I know things could go wrong, but at the same time I want to enjoy this season of anticipation like I would if I was expecting. I don't want to do everything last minute. A friend of mine is the opposite- it hurt too much to even set up the room while she was waiting. There is no right or wrong; life is messy. Do what feels best to you. :-)

sarahtoledo · August 2012

I would like to have a shower when we're waiting. I've heard that some do it that way, and some wait until baby is home. I would not want to link the shower to a match, but I think a "we're adopting" shower would be lovely.

JellyTwoPointO · August 2012

This is a really personal decision. I think when it comes to a shower and gifts, I would want to be matched first for sure. Even if the adoption wasn't finalized, I'd want to know there was a very high probability that we not only had a match, but that it will be a done deal.

Maybe a brunch or something with friends to celebrate this stage of your process would be more appropriate and a giftbased shower later?

MayDayGirl · August 2012

I say do it. Since you haven't done the ttc/if thing, I think it will be more hopeful and exciting than crushing

Dr.Loretta · August 2012

My only concern is if you have a shower and the match falls through.

We had one when DD was 7 weeks old and it was a blast.

Rachel Sonnier · August 2012

I say go for it, if your friends want to throw you a shower, and have a blast! With adoption everyone eventually gets a baby, right? That's what they told me anyway!

The baby stuff won't go to waste, even if you have a long wait. For me, prepping and planning takes the edge off, and gives me something to busy myself with. If you are uncomfortable, don't do it, but if it sounds fun to you, I say enjoy!! :-D

IRR · August 2012

Your decision. If you have room to store stuff and you don't think new stuff will come out that you may want instead then no issues, but new stuff comes out all the time. Personally I am waiting until the baby comes home.

Mush-Tastic · August 2012

Thanks for all the comments! I appreciate it. I think I'm going to talk out some stuff with my friend first and make sure there would be some ground rules for how this would be treated, and that guests expectations are realistic too. I spend every single day at work telling someone a million times that we aren't getting a baby like tomorrow. Nobody seems to understand the process. So I would hate for people to attend a shower and expect that the baby will just be there to inhabit the nursery and use all the stuff immediately.

mommytoconnor · August 2012

I would personally wait until you have a placement. My friend's and family threw me a shower after I brought my son home, that way they could also see and meet him.

anjilah · August 2012

Our friends and family threw me a baby shower this summer and it was amazing! We aren't matched yet. Everyone who loves and cares about us was in one room to support our adoption. I'm one of those people who has to plan everything. It puts my mind at ease knowing we have everything we need in case we get that call. I'm definitely a worrier in general, so having everything in place takes some of the stress away. I absolutely love walking past our nursery each day and seeing all of the cute baby things. It gives me hope and joy and tons of excitment. My husband and I painted the nursery on New Year's Eve - paint brush in one hand and a champagne glass in the other. I say do whatever makes you happy. Have fun!

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