Having a hard time dealing.. Kinda long (Sorta NBR)
I have posted before, but my mom (age 55) is very ill, she has recurrent breast cancer that has come back again and spread to the majority of all organs/bones/lymph nodes. She has been going through chemo for 6 months now, but on her last scans it showed that it was becoming resistent to this treatment.
Doc's are not sure what else to do for her at this time, and she is "done," as she states, and has decided to stop treatment completely. As cliche as it sounds, my mom is my "Best Friend" and this is just eating me up at the thought of her not being here for all of the life events. Missing out on DD growing up, seeing DS be born and grow as well, it just literally sucks and I am having a hard time dealing with it. If it wasn't for my H I honestly don't know how I would make it through the day.
Yesterday was the worst, as I took DD to visit her at home, and she couldn't even pick her up (she only weigh's barely 20 lb's at her last MD visit, and my mom has NEVER had a problem picking her up). DD was upset as well as my mom, and It just BROKE my heart and made all of this more real.
I am trying to be supportive of the decision she has made, and be strong for her as well, but part of my selfishness just wants her to fight! I mean, I am an only child, having her only grandchildren, I want her to feel the DESIRE to fight for "us."
I know it is my selfishness, but I am just having an EXTREMELY hard time dealing with this, and I needed someone besides my H to vent to. 
Re: Having a hard time dealing.. Kinda long (Sorta NBR)
That is really sad. I don't have anything to say except that I am so sorry you have to go through this. It's not easy to lose a parent, especially a mother. My heart goes out to you and your family.
My sister just lost her MIL to cancer in mid July after a 5 month battle. It was awful seeing her deteriorate, and heartbreaking because this is their first child and she will never meet him. She made a similar decision. There was really nothing they could do for her past a certain point, and she valued quality of life over length at that point. It was her way of controlling her last days and no one blamed her one bit.
Treatment only prolongs life and the quality is very poor and painful. Try to respect your mother's decision. She's not giving up on you, she's giving up on a hopeless cause and choosing to live the rest of her life how she sees fit.
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
I'm so sorry that your family is going through this! My brother made the same decision he had leukemia and fought for exactly a year and was cancer free1 month. When cancer showed back up he didn't want to fight it anymore. He was 13 years old and made that decision, he's our brave little man. It was difficult to take, he's not w/ us anymore but we completely understood his decision. He was my only brother and we saw all the pain he was going through. He said he was tired and wanted to rest, and chemo is just really painful. I'm sorry that your mom is going through this, I still have both my parents so I'm sorry I'm no help with that but I do understand the situation your in. My thoughts and prayers go out to your family.
*big hugs*
I just lost my dad to cancer this past may. We had moved from across the state to take care of him so he could stay at home, so it was nice that for a few months he was able to spend time with DS1 but it sucks that he never got the chance to meet the new baby.
We made a similar decision with my grandmother not long ago -- Selfishly, we all wanted her to be around longer for us. But, we realized that she might be around longer with treatment but that it wouldn't be a very good quality of life, and that at least we could enjoy the end with her feeling pretty decently. It was a hard choice, but I know that it was for the best too.
The hospice people really helped all of us -- Once we made the choice, she was transferred to hospice care. They made sure that she was comfortable (which made us feel better) and their counselors were great for the whole family. It made a hard time a little bit easier. Maybe something to consider.
I'm sorry that you're having to go through this while pregnant, and I hope that she's with you long enough to see LO born. You'll be in my thoughts.
BFP #1 12/02/11, M/C 12/08/11
BFP #2 04/06/12, DD born 12/20/12
BFP #3 06/09/14, M/C 06/15/14
Im sorry. My MIL had chemo and I would never ever choose to do chemo, ever, unless I had a good prognosis. She was very ill for close to a year, couldnt even sit up and sit NEXT to my son, and the last three months of her live were spent in a sterile hosptial room. She passed away in a way I would never wish on my worst enemy and that was due both to the cancer AND to the chemo side effects that just ravaged her body.
Sometimes, it just doesn't help. Sometimes, it makes it worse i am (irrationally) mad that my MIL chose to be ill and unable to enjoy life for a whole year when her survival rate with chemo was nil. I would have rather have had two amazing months with her vs one year of agonizing dying, bc chemo is just awful.
Again. I am so sorry. There is a flip side of the coin that I'm sure your mom is looking at. QUALITY vs quantity. If her prognosis is so poor that even with chemo (that destroys everything, good/bad. Destroys everything) it really might be better to have amazing quality time. We had none of that. None. It makes me so sad.
Cancer sucks. It's not fair, at all. But know this. Your mother LOVES you and she is sure that this is the best for her to be able to enjoy any of the time she has left.
Big hugs to you.
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
I'm so sorry for you! I know that these are going to be very hard times ahead and that there is no amount of words to comfort you about what you will watch her go through but please make the best of your time with her. Enjoy every minute and make some special memories or even a special note and pictures to your LO on the way.
My mother passed away 7 years ago and she wasn't there for my wedding nor will she be there for the birth of my LO. She passes suddenly and I'm not saying it's easier either way, but I know that I missed saying goodbye and soaking up our time together.
So many T&P for you and her.
'I loved you for a thousand years and I will love you for a thousand more'
make sure you get lots of pics of your child and Grandma (she'll value them later) and maybe have her write something to the new baby so that if she isn't around when they're born, they'll at least know how excited she was that they were coming.
This is a great idea, and I am so thankful that you said this, it is a great idea that I had not thought of. I appreciate all of the kind words/thoughts. I am doing my best to understand that this is the best thing for her & in all honesty, I just want her last years/months/weeks/days, however long, to be happy.
I have not had to go through this yet with my parents, but I work on an oncology floor in a hospital, and have held the hands of many patients and family members as they or their loved one passed on.
First I'd like to say I'm so proud of you for respecting your mom's wishes. If your mom is your best friend as you say, then she probably seeks your approval most. She has made up her mind but she will never be at peace with her decision if you do not support her in it. She doesn't need you to be strong for her - she just needs to know you love her and you understand, support, and respect her decision to live out her days as she sees fit. You will never understand the weight this will remove from her.
Second, please seek out hospice care. I work closely with hospice, and they are truly, truly a blessing. They provide so many services - not only keeping mom comfortable, whether it's for six weeks or six months, but also they provide emotional support to you, as the family. They can educate you on what's going on, what's going to happen next, and what you can do to help, or prepare.
Thirdly, be thankful. Your mom is young, and it's never easy to lose a parent. But you have been blessed with something some people don't get - some time. Time to prepare, time to say everything you need to say, do things you want to do (like having her write a letter to DS - awesome idea - and take pictures), and, when the time comes, time to say goodbye. Maybe ask her to write a list of things she wants to do - memories she still wants to make. And help her check things off this list. She may be weak and unable to do some of them - think of creative ways that you can bring that memory to her. Hopefully, doing this will bring you some peace as well, knowing you did everything you could to make her happy in her last days/weeks/months/year.
It will be hard to watch her decline. But she sounds as if she has made peace with what is to come. Again, be thankful for that - there is no greater blessing than to be able to go out on your own terms. So many people don't get that.