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Newbie - HELP!! Almost 3 year old DS - Yelling, screaming
Help ladies!! I have an almost 3 year old DS, who is a yeller. I admit it, he has learned this from me. I yell when I am mad. And now, so does he. The last 2 nights / days have been AWFUL! Absolutely awful!
How do I break the cycle?
Let me know if you need some examples of my shinning parenting skills . . . we need to make this stop. I am very over it!!
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Re: Newbie - HELP!! Almost 3 year old DS - Yelling, screaming
I like the Positive Discipline books, or Love and Logic. There is also a Positive Discipline iphone app with flashcards that have tips for various situations.
One of the things that helps me most when I'm about to lose it is to stop talking altogether. This is something I learned from the books mentioned above. Instead of repeating myself for the 8,000th time or raising my voice, etc. I just act and remove DD from the situation, or take away whatever it is she's messing with, or whatever fits the situation and don't say a word about it.
First, you have to stop yelling. Right now, not in a week but right now. Kids do what we do. There are a couple of things you can do.
Ignore him when he yells. As long as he is safe and not hurting himself or someone else, do not respond when he yells. Tell him in a calm tone what you need him to do.
Put him in time out to calm down. Always talk in calm, quiet tones. Give yourself a time out if you feel yourself getting upset.
Ok, so here is an example:
This morning, he ran from his room, into the nursery, to hide from me when I was trying to change his diaper and get him dressed and out the door for daycare so I could go to work. He hid in the corner.
I said, mason please come out here, or I will pick you up. your choice but we have to get dressed. No. I count to 3. he stands there. so I pick him up and put him on the changing pad. He lays down. I say please stand up and take your pj pants off. no. mason, stand up. no. So I pick him up and try to stand him up. he refuses. I say it twice more. he says no. I spank his bottom. he says ouch and then says no. So I finally just lay him down and take his pants off him. He starts screaming at me about wanting to hold his stickers. had he (a) said please and (b) ot been yelling, I'd of given them. but instead I say please ask me nicely. and he yells no. And so I put his diaper on and send him back to his room to get dressed.
Pretty sure when I was trying to make him stand, I was yelling. So then so was he.
After, when we are both calm, I try to say I am sorry for yelling. he says you yelled at me and i say yes, i did and that wasn't right and i am sorry. i say let's make a deal and not yell so much. i won't yell and you won't yell. deal? and he says no deal!
UGH!!
I have been counting to 3 with no avail.
I have done time out. He's better for a while, but then just goes back to it.
I finally sent him to his room the other night and told him when he was ready to come be nice, he could come out.
I was going to post the same question. DD has been noticeably more defiant this past week and has started yelling "NO" at us, as loud as she can. I have thought about it after reading PP advice, and I'm not a yeller, but I do talk sternly, which is louder than my normal voice. I'll make an effort to cut back on that, but I've also ordered a copy of 123 Magic. I read it before DD was old enough to use it on, but I remember part of the author's advice was to keep emotions out of it. You have to stay calm. I'm looking forward to reading it again- I've heard it works! Good luck!
The reason for less talking and for staying calm is to assert that you are in control of the situation. When you are upset and raising your voice you are communicating that you don't know how to handle the situation and that is upsetting to the child, which causes them to react, and things escalate. Calm, calm, calm. When DD is in that kind of mood, there is no reasoning with her at all and everything will be met with resistance. In the morning example above, I would just keep my mouth shut, pick her up, and go lay her on her bed to change and dress her. The arguing about standing up is a power struggle that is going nowhere.
ETA; And asking your DS to agree to stop yelling is asking him to make a commitment he can't really make at his age, and is another example of making him feel like you don't know what to do or how to handle the situation. It is not up to him; he is a toddler. It is up to you to set standards for behavior and appropriate interaction.
Alright ladies - I'll give it a shot. Not talking will be hard, but, maybe it's what he needs. And yes, you probably are right that he's not really old enough to even make me a deal like that.
UGH!! Kids are hard! WTF was I thinking with #2?!? HA!!