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Meegs10.13.06 · August 2012

I'll put myself on the block today...

thiswillbe · August 2012

Care to share why you're one-and-done?

Meegs10.13.06 · August 2012

thiswillbe:
Care to share why you're one-and-done?

Sure, it will be long though... so I apologize in advance!

I'm one of two, and I can't imagine not having my brother. I always thought I would have two and didn't want my child to be an only child. But as soon as Gwen was here I had a change of heart, which Trav agreed with and as time has gone on, that decision has seemed more and more right.

For us it comes down to a few main things:

1) Expense, and what we can do with 1 vs. 2. We're practically paying another mortgage in daycare costs, and we just can't afford a second at the moment. Not to mention we'd like to move to a nicer house sometime in the next few years, and we'd love to be able to travel more... both of which would be much harder with a second. We don't ever want to shortchange Gwen, in time, energy, experiences.

2) Gwen wasn't a hard baby per say... she didn't have colic or reflux or more then your average troubles with nursing, but it wasn't easy either. Gwen took a lot time to become a good sleeper and the lack of sleep really took a toll on us. While we never know what we'll get next time, I worry about going through that again.

3) I'm very set in my parenting ways. I'm open-minded towards other families and what works for them, but for my baby I definitely know what I want. Poor Trav basically got railroaded by me, I'm the first to admit it. He's been amazing and does the best he can, but its work for him, not the way he was raised.

4) Add the first three together and I honestly worry about our relationship surviving another baby. I'm not being tongue-in-cheek, the second half of last year we were in such a bad place that the thought of divorce was almost constantly at the front of my mind. Thankfully we aren't there anymore, we've worked hard to get to a much better place, but I don't every want to go back there again.

To boil it down: It seems like we have finally found what works for us and its hard to imagine messing with that dynamic!!

I also feel like I've found a piece of myself in Gwen, and love her more then I ever thought possible. Intellectually I imagine the same would happen for a second, but emotionally I struggle with the what ifs (what if I don't love the second as much? what if I love it more? i don't want to short change Gwen).

So those are our reasons. For me personally, I think the money is the least of the reasons, though it is the most tangible. I just don't feel the pull for a second the way I did the first time around, and I want to if we're going to take that step. I want to need it, and I don't.

The longer we go, the more I feel like one is the right decision.

butterflygrooves · August 2012

What tattoos do you have? What is the symbolism behind them?

Kershnic · August 2012

Do you maintain any kind of connection to an offline LGBT community? Does your DH have any opinions on you maintaining a connection through this community?

Does G have cousins, and if so what kind of relationship does she or do you hope she has in the future with them? (Is your opinion on this different considering your plans for her to be an only child?)

Meegs10.13.06 · August 2012

butterflygrooves:
What tattoos do you have? What is the symbolism behind them?

I have a pen & ink style daisy on my right forearm (for my pup Daisy), above that is the phrase "Home is wherever I'm with you" (for my family). Behind my left ear, I have a lowercase g (for Gwen). On my right ankle are the Mandarin characters for maternal grandmother and maternal grandfather surrounded by cherry blossoms (in memory). On my left ankle I have a magical man in the moon design (always loved the stars, just loved the design). On my left hip is a celtic tree of life knot (for my Celtic roots). On my back I have a large phoenix (love the mythology behind it, rising again from the flames of an old life), below which (tramp stamp area) I have some flames (which I got long before the phoenix.. I've just always love fire!). I also have my name in Mandarin characters on my right shoulder blade.

I'm going in December, when my best friend is in town visiting, to get a tattoo with her (a starlight mint on our upper butt area... from an inside joke of ours). I'm also going beginning of next year whenever my tattoo girl is free (hopefully Feb!) to get an elephant holding a string of fish on my right bicep (memorial for my father's parents).

Meegs10.13.06 · August 2012

Kershnic:
Do you maintain any kind of connection to an offline LGBT community?
I have a few friends offline who are gay, and a few of my friendships on here have become "real life friends" and not just "online friends". Other then that, no, I'm not really part of an offline LGBT community so much.
Does your DH have any opinions on you maintaining a connection through this community?
He didn't really get it at first, and in some ways he still doesn't "get" why I need LGBT friends. Sometimes being bi and being married to a man makes me feel like a whole part of me is invisible... and while that can certainly make life "easier" sometimes, it makes me feel dishonest (to myself as much as to anyone else). This community makes me feel "me" again. While he might not get that exactly, he can see that it is a great outlet for me, so he is fine with it. And now that he's met some of these ladies IRL, he feels even better about it (he really likes all of you!).

Does G have cousins, and if so what kind of relationship does she or do you hope she has in the future with them? (Is your opinion on this different considering your plans for her to be an only child?)
Gwen has one cousin (W) so far, who is just 3 months younger then her, which is so wonderful. He lives in Ohio, so we don't get to visit all the time, but do see each other about 2x a year, one of those times for a full week. She adores him, and they have the best time playing together. We have pictures of him up too, so she sees his face a lot. The plan is for at least one more baby from that fam, and hopefully my brother will have some one day (a few years from now, at least!), and I'm sure she will love them too.
I think I do appreciate that relationship more because of the one child thing. I don't Gwen to miss out on those close familial relationships just because we don't give her a sibling. I'm close with my cousins, and I want her to be close with W. But I know that the sibling-type relationship can be found other places. I've known my best girlfriend since we were in preschool, and she is definitely my sister, forever. She can't do anything to get rid of me! One of my closest friends has a daughter a year older then Gwen, and they play together frequently and love each other. While I can't control how they will grow to feel about each other in the future, I hope they maintain this relationship, and can grow up together.

ctbride08 · August 2012

Have you had a relationship with a female? (i just dont recall you mentioning and I know you and Trav met young!)

Meegs10.13.06 · August 2012

ctbride08:
Have you had a relationship with a female? (i just dont recall you mentioning and I know you and Trav met young!)

Lol, we did meet young! I was 18 and he was 20. That said, I had a girlfriend in high school, and um, fooled around with a few other girls in high school (not when I was dating anyone!) and in the first month or so before I met Trav.

thiswillbe · August 2012

What's your favorite... hot drink? cold drink? hot food? cold food? and what is one staple you always have in your kitchen?

Meegs10.13.06 · August 2012

thiswillbe:
What's your favorite... hot drink? Mint hot chocolate
cold drink? Milk
hot food? Macaroni & Yeasty Cheese (its a vegan mac & cheese, sounds weird but tastes so good!)
cold food? Sushi
and what is one staple you always have in your kitchen? Pasta, always in the pantry. Milk, always in the fridge.

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