Single Parents
Sweet turned to bitter...
SWEET:
As Friday rolled around I continually grew excited at the prospect of finding out the gender/sex of my little bundle of joy. I was excited for my boyfriend/ my baby's daddy to arrive. At the appointment we found out that my little bundle of joys' name will be Bailey Gene. I guess now I have to get used to pink, haha. I got to see into her heart, her brain, her spine and even some of her bones that were only an inch long. The 3D ultrasounds they have now showed her moving. I watched her feet move from by her face to tucked down. I saw her mouth open and close. They told me she was about 7 inches long and 12 oz, that's a can of soda. How incredible is it that someone so small can bring such a joy, excitement and love to my life? I don't understand it but I'm glad I have my little Bailey to share my life.
BITTER:
After the U/S revealing Bailey's gender I was sitting down at subway to eat some lunch with my BF. He bought up how he realized how unhappy he was and that for the past few weeks he had been pretending to be happy. That he put on a fake smile and warmed up to me (IE: cuddled, hold my hand, and even 'sleep' together) for a while and that he felt himself slipping into a depression. Little did i know this was coming and felt my whole world change. Suddenly all of the excitement and strength I had was draining, quickly from my body. I sat there in that subway on Main Street and struggled with my emotions and words for about an hour. I was too afraid to get up and leave. Things would never be the same once I left and everyone I knew to go fall, crying, into their arms were gone. I didn't know what to do, so I sat there and tried to figure out why I felt so stupid for not seeing it happening or for being the reason it happened in the first place. I cried for believing the last few weeks had all been a lie. I started to second guess everything he had ever said to me. Every kiss, every touch, every song he said reminded him of us...
I first cried for myself and the love that was lost on someone that felt they had tried to love me and the love had started to slip from his grasp. Once I left that place, that unforgiving moment, I cried for my daughter. I ached for what it meant would happen. A split home? I couldn't breathe knowing that my daughter would grow up having to go to two different houses to be with her parents. He said he wished he could explain it better, all I could say to him was that he would one day have to explain to his daughter why daddy stopped loving mommy and left. He's not leaving Bailey, he wants to be there for her and me (as a friend) but I still feel like he left. We're in the same group of friends and now its awkward even though hes 4 hours away living for work, I'm the odd man out.. I'm the misfit.
I know I have my daughter but I just feel so alone. How can I be a single mom? How can I do this alone?...
My bitter sweet weekend: The only step that I have so far is to breathe, and sometimes its hard to just do that.
As Friday rolled around I continually grew excited at the prospect of finding out the gender/sex of my little bundle of joy. I was excited for my boyfriend/ my baby's daddy to arrive. At the appointment we found out that my little bundle of joys' name will be Bailey Gene. I guess now I have to get used to pink, haha. I got to see into her heart, her brain, her spine and even some of her bones that were only an inch long. The 3D ultrasounds they have now showed her moving. I watched her feet move from by her face to tucked down. I saw her mouth open and close. They told me she was about 7 inches long and 12 oz, that's a can of soda. How incredible is it that someone so small can bring such a joy, excitement and love to my life? I don't understand it but I'm glad I have my little Bailey to share my life.
BITTER:
After the U/S revealing Bailey's gender I was sitting down at subway to eat some lunch with my BF. He bought up how he realized how unhappy he was and that for the past few weeks he had been pretending to be happy. That he put on a fake smile and warmed up to me (IE: cuddled, hold my hand, and even 'sleep' together) for a while and that he felt himself slipping into a depression. Little did i know this was coming and felt my whole world change. Suddenly all of the excitement and strength I had was draining, quickly from my body. I sat there in that subway on Main Street and struggled with my emotions and words for about an hour. I was too afraid to get up and leave. Things would never be the same once I left and everyone I knew to go fall, crying, into their arms were gone. I didn't know what to do, so I sat there and tried to figure out why I felt so stupid for not seeing it happening or for being the reason it happened in the first place. I cried for believing the last few weeks had all been a lie. I started to second guess everything he had ever said to me. Every kiss, every touch, every song he said reminded him of us...
I first cried for myself and the love that was lost on someone that felt they had tried to love me and the love had started to slip from his grasp. Once I left that place, that unforgiving moment, I cried for my daughter. I ached for what it meant would happen. A split home? I couldn't breathe knowing that my daughter would grow up having to go to two different houses to be with her parents. He said he wished he could explain it better, all I could say to him was that he would one day have to explain to his daughter why daddy stopped loving mommy and left. He's not leaving Bailey, he wants to be there for her and me (as a friend) but I still feel like he left. We're in the same group of friends and now its awkward even though hes 4 hours away living for work, I'm the odd man out.. I'm the misfit.
I know I have my daughter but I just feel so alone. How can I be a single mom? How can I do this alone?...
My bitter sweet weekend: The only step that I have so far is to breathe, and sometimes its hard to just do that.
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Re: Sweet turned to bitter...
It will be ok.. it always feels the worst in the beginning, and every day after gets easier and easier. To me, it's good that he wants to be in his daughter's life and hopefully he lives up to those words. Being single or raising your daughter alone isn't the worst thing in the world - I was upset too with my circumstances, until a family member reminded me that people in relationships, marriages, etc also feel lonely, depressed, sad, and have huge issues within those commitments. There's never going to be a "perfect" situation, you have to learn to make the best of what you have and appreciate the little moments.
For a large portion of my pregnancy my BD made me miserable, harassed me, and wouldn't let me just be happy. I missed all of those days and now I can't get them back; I was in a funk! Now, everyone expresses how happy I look, how I seem to "glow" now. It gets better.. it just takes time. T&P, momma.