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Any advice?

ToastieSimonsToastieSimons member
in Attachment Parenting

DS2 is a very difficult baby.  DS1 is a very difficult toddler.  They both have special needs and DS1 functions at about a 10 month old level, nonverbal, crawling and sitting only.

DS2 HATES the carseat.  He HATES the stroller.  He HATES being worn.  I've tried a RS, Moby and Beco.  (I think he has some temperature instability, he's always hot and sweaty) Nothing I've done makes it any better.  He HATES the swing, he HATES the RNP.  All he wants is to be held, and I'd love nothing more than to accommodate it, but my other son needs me too.  If I put him down within 30 seconds he is screaming.  I'm not talking fussing or whining, I'm talking all out blood curdling screaming.

And the screaming upsets DS1. He starts slamming his head into the flloor, gate, wall, toys, kitchen cabinets, table, etc. 

On top of that DS1 is having lots of immune system problems and he's getting lots of fevers.  All he wants is to be held.

I'm a SAHM with family and friends 7 hours away.  Any advice?  Thankfully we're moving in 2 weeks to be closer to family but DS1 is doing awful today and I am sort of losing it as to how to care for both of them. 

DS1 is on reflux meds and thickened formula and it seems well controlled.  our only other hope is a muscle relaxer but we don't see that doctor for 10 more days. 

To my boys:  I will love you for you Not for what you have done or what you will become I will love you for you I will give you the love The love that you never knew
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Re: Any advice?

  • KateLouiseKateLouise member

    My two aren't high needs as such, but they have some days when they are very needy. What works for me is to lie on the floor or bed with them.

    It allows them to snuggle on either side of me. Or to crawl/climb over me if they want that kind of contact. They inevitably get distracted by each other, and they just seem to love the closeness. Like a pack of puppies all squiggling around together.

    Sometimes it leads to me reading a book or singing songs.

    If one or both is having a fretful day, then I grab moments to do things I have to do like cook dinner (I might prep veges while I'm making lunch, or cook up a stirfry while they are napping that I can reheat later etc) and just wave the non-essential housework goodbye, or it waits until they're in bed.

    ETA: I also cart DD2 places you perhaps wouldn't normally cart a baby. But if DD1 needs help on the toilet, and DD2 is happier lying on the floor watching than she is being left in the lounge, then I take her with us.

    Just deleted my bit about a RS as I re-read and see you've tried it.


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  • ncbellencbelle member

    Hugs mama - that sounds really tough.  I remember you posted about the carrier problem a week or so ago.  Do you have a babywearing group near you?  I think it would be worth trying a high back carry in a mei tai or a woven wrap to see if that view is what he wants.  If it's heat, try just wearing him in a diaper or even putting a reusable icepack in a towel and sticking that between you.  Although it may be that he is just hot and sweaty from screaming.  Also try the carriers when you are not feeling stressed.  If you are stressed, he is going to pick up on that and have a hard time settling.

    Does your older son like to be worn?  If so, it might be worth getting a larger bodied carrier that would be more comfortable for both of you to wear him on your back.

    Is it possible your youngest has some food intolerances?  It could just be colic of course but I think many cases of colic (and reflux for that matter) are really undiagnosed food intolerances.  If you are BFing, I think it would be worth eliminating some things (dairy and soy being a good place to start) or switching to a hypoallergenic formula if FFing.  

    I don't know how much you are able to get out but for your sake I would try to get in a daily walk.  Even if your youngest yells about being in the stroller or carrier, just get out and go.  Fresh air is good for everyone and sometimes being out in the open gives a good mental refresh.  It might be too that once you get going and have that routine, everyone will chill out a bit for it.   Walking might help you relax a bit too which could help him settle into the carrier.



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  • MegM2012MegM2012
    How old are your sons? I don't have much advice but I have a very hn 6 month old. If you would like support from other moms of hn kiddos send Becky kallen a friend request on Facebook. Someone their can probably answer this! Good luck I know it can be hard.
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