Conflicting shower dates

hrgunasekera1 · August 2012

I'm due feb 1, a family friend is due 10 days after me. We have a date set for my shower that works for both my host and mom. There was only 1 day that worked for both of them so changing it isn't an option. I don't know when her shower is planned. Between all the holidays, there aren't a lot of weekends available that time of year anyway. We have a lot of family friends in common that would have to choose between going to my shower or her shower if they end up on the same day. What would you do? Ask her flat out when hers is planned? Send out the invites when the time comes and hope for the best? I have asked around a little to see if any of our mutual friends knew and so far no one knows. Maybe I'm just over thinking this, but I'd like to hear what you would do. Thanks!

526SadieSadie · August 2012

I think you're over thinking. She might not even be receiving a shower and bringing it up might hurt her feelings. Or she might be having something after the baby is born. Let the universe work it out. Its not going to change the date of yours since its the only date that works.

mben1119 · August 2012

I think you're overthinking it. Like PP said, she may not even be having a shower. Just let your hosts do their thing.

hrgunasekera1 · August 2012

I know I have a habit of over thinking things. I'll let it go. Thanks ladies! :

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

Well, you have some time, right? When were you going to do it?

I would just wait and see these next couple of week or next month (however much time you have) and see what happens. If she says something about it and is thinking about that date you could mention it. But the sooner you send out your invites, the sooner that date is "yours".

If I had a friend who was due around the same time and she had already sent out save the dates or something for her shower, I would not take that date or even consider it.

Everyone's being kind of "omg I'm pregnant during the holidays, what about my shower"

I'm due in January and doing mine one of the first weeks in Nov. there are at least two weekends there as far off as Nov. if not three that you could do a shower in before the crazy holidays.

If you're friends isnt as tied to a date as you are, she should have no problem doing one on a different weekend. I find it hard to believe only one day would work for her as well.

hrgunasekera1 · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
Well, you have some time, right? When were you going to do it?I would just wait and see these next couple of week or next month however much time you have and see what happens. If she says something about it and is thinking about that date you could mention it. But the sooner you send out your invites, the sooner that date is "yours".nbsp;If I had a friend who was due around the same time and she had already sent out save the dates or something for her shower, I would not take that date or even consider it.Everyone's being kind of "omg I'm pregnant during the holidays, what about my shower"I'm due in January and doing mine one of the first weeks in Nov. there are at least two weekends there as far off as Nov. if not three that you could do a shower in before the crazy holidays. If you're friends isnt as tied to a date as you are, she should have no problem doing one on a different weekend. I find it hard to believe only one day would work for her as well.

If I want to "claim" the date we set November 25 how early can the invites be sent out?

526SadieSadie · August 2012

Sending invites out any earlier than the end of September might lead to people forgetting the date.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

Well, specifically because people make plans early for the holiday season and trips and all that, I'm sending out "save the dates" because I have a large family and friends in school that will need the time to plan ahead, in September

And a month later, I'm sending out the invite, beginning of October, as more of a courtesy reminder kind of thing.

Plus, I love getting save the dates and invites to things, it gives me time to plan ahead and then a reminder to get me excited and help me remember to get the gift.

It all depends on what you're comfortable with as far as how early you send them out or if you do save the dates.

If you just do invites, I would send them out mid October though

hrgunasekera1 · August 2012

I love the save the date idea. I'll talk to my host about sending those out. Thank you!

EastCoastBride · August 2012

Well, I'll warn you that as that's Thanksgiving weekend, that might impact your attendance in and of itself.

hrgunasekera1 · August 2012

The timing of my shower is less than ideal, but my moms schedule she's a caterer is hectic at best so I'm kinda stuck with it. At least my family and friends stick around for thanksgiving.

EastCoastBride · August 2012

hrgunasekera1:
I love the save the date idea. I'll talk to my host about sending those out. Thank you!

I didn't see this before. No- don't do this. It's a shower. It's not THAT important that it necessitates a STD. Seriously.

Liz4444 · August 2012

Do not send out save the dates. Anyone who you are close enough to that they would be invited to your shower will be aware of the date through conversations.

[Deleted User] · August 2012

I'll echo PPs and say please don't send out save the dates for a baby shower! It's not "thoughtful". It's a baby shower, not a wedding. Yes, it sucks that it's during the holidays and people may not be able to attend, but that's kinda just how it goes.

rhubarb123 · August 2012

If I were in your position I would definitely let her know when your shower is scheduled - obviously you know the date...hopefully you know the time. If she has that same date in mind then maybe you could work it out so they are not at the same TIME. That way guests could go to both showers in the same day. If not that then maybe one on Saturday and one on Sunday. I would just try to work around each other's showers...what works best for both of you.

You might be worrying about nothing. Maybe her date is a week later than your's or whatever. That is why I would definitely talk with her about it. No sense stressing over something that is a non-issue. kwim?

hrgunasekera1 · August 2012

Thanks ladies! I'll keep all of this in mind. :

tiffmatt · August 2012

rhubarb123:

If I were in your position I would definitely let her know when your shower is scheduled - obviously you know the date...hopefully you know the time. If she has that same date in mind then maybe you could work it out so they are not at the same TIME. That way guests could go to both showers in the same day. If not that then maybe one on Saturday and one on Sunday. I would just try to work around each other's showers...what works best for both of you.

You might be worrying about nothing. Maybe her date is a week later than your's or whatever. That is why I would definitely talk with her about it. No sense stressing over something that is a non-issue. kwim?

This. If it is the same day then try for different times. If one were at noon and the other 2 or later it wouldn't be unreasonable for people to go to both.

hrgunasekera1 · August 2012

tiffmatt:
rhubarb123:

If I were in your position I would definitely let her know when your shower is scheduled - obviously you know the date...hopefully you know the time.  If she has that same date in mind then maybe you could work it out so they are not at the same TIME.  That way guests could go to both showers in the same day.  If not that then maybe one on Saturday and one on Sunday.  I would just try to work around each other's showers...what works best for both of you.

You might be worrying about nothing.  Maybe her date is a week later than your's or whatever.  That is why I would definitely talk with her about it.  No sense stressing over something that is a non-issue.  kwim?

This.  If it is the same day then try for different times.  If one were at noon and the other 2 or later it wouldn't be unreasonable for people to go to both.

Good point! Thanks :

moonglow_84 · August 2012

I don't really agree with the save the date thing either.
My shower is the first weekend in November, and the restaurant we booked at for some reason wants a head count by the beginning of October, so my mom sent my invites out early, as in, this past weekend. Many people on my invite list are travelling and they liked getting the notice to be able to book a place to stay or arrange to stay with me or other family. So far those who have received their invites and already RSVP'd have been thankful for the notice given in order for them to make plans to get here.

If you're worried about the date, send the invitations out a little early, like next week. Most people don't do it, but it's not a faux pas. Most people (who matter) are not going to forget the date.

ChevyFam717 · August 2012

Might be over-thinking a bit... but it doesn't hurt to correlate things - ask if she knows when hers is planned yet and tell her that this is when yours is since you will probably have your showers around the same time...

OR... if you have A LOT of family that would have to choose - why not suggest combining efforts and doing a dual shower? or have a good friend of both of yours be the go-between... ? This way it's not coming directly from you but from a friend who was wondering how her schedule will look since they would be planning to go to both showers...

Conflicting shower dates

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