To give you a little bit of background knowledge of my family and I. I moved from NY to NC about 6 years ago for a job after spending 21 years living there. I met my husband here, got married about 3 hours from here at the beach. Now when it came time to have a wedding shower my mom said she and my sisters wanted to have one back at home in NY and then my MIL wanted to have one for me in NC. Now this was good for me because a lot of people that couldn?t come to the wedding from up North, could come to the shower and I at least got to celebrate a little with some of them.
Ok so now here comes baby. No one has offered yet (so please don?t make comments on this post about people have to offer to have it for you, blah blah blah, I know, thank you!) So, no one has offered yet, but today my sister who is in town visiting) asks me ?What about the baby shower?? I said, one friend in NC offered but other than that, no one else has said anything. She proceeds to imply that a shower in NC is the only one that I should have. She says, ?This is where you live, and then you wouldn?t have to bring all the stuff you get home?.?. So I said, yes, but if I only have one here then my grandma and aunts from CT won?t come, and my husband?s family from MA won?t come, and then my old church friends, and high school friends, and college friends won?t come because I just can?t see any of them making the 11-16 hour trip for a 2-3 hour shower. My sister?s response to that is, ?Well they should!? I?m pretty sure my sister is making it clear to me that she is NOT going to take part in throwing me a shower for this baby in NY. Thanks big sis.
Again, I KNOW that a shower is given for you and so it?s not really up to me, however I would still prefer to have two showers so that everyone can be included. It?s NOT about the gifts for me (so comments about being gift grabby should not be posted either). It?s about the fellowship and the celebration with friends and family. ESP the friends and family up North that I NEVER get to see. I look at someone having a baby shower for me up there as a time for me to get to see everyone, an excuse even! I don?t want gifts; I just want to see all my friends and family! Maybe I?m just hormonal but I think it?s pretty crappy of my sister to pretty much say I should have one up there.
I guess maybe the alternative is just to plan a trip up there one weekend in Jan. and throw a party for myself and not say that it?s a baby shower. Who knows?
Re: Not sure how to take my sister....
If you just want to see your friends, why don't you just go home and visit? I'm failing to see the problem,
And you probably shouldn't come on here and start dictating what should and shoudn't be posted in response to your post. #/
I thought that was what I said at the bottom of my post....and DANG I was just venting about my sister...I guess I'll go back to my other boards where ladies read and constructively assess posts/vents. Sheesh.
I dont see why your sister had to ask you about your shower at all if she didn't want any part in planning one but maybe she was trying to warn you that you werent getting a NY shower ahead of time so you aren't disappointed later on?
It seems a lot to ask to have 2 showers.
Ok, see ya!
You would've gotten more of a constructive assessment if you hadn't told me what I can and cannot put in my response to you.
So what you're really mad about is that your sister doesn't want to throw you a shower back in NY when you live (and have lived for 6 years now...) in NC.
Oh please. Like Cranag's post was worth this kind of reply. Get over yourself.
If it's truly "not about the gifts!" like you say, then yes, fly home and throw a little get together while you are there.
I don't really see the problem with what your sister said. You moved away. You have a life in NC. So I don't disagree with her that a shower, in the traditional sense, makes most sense if held locally.
So you want a baby shower, but feel you're too classy to ask for one. Instead, you'll just get bitchy_and complain that no one is throwing you one in NY, where you haven't lived in 6 years?
If you want to see your friends, go visit. Don't do it to try to pressure them into throwing you a shower. No one owes you anything.
If you want to see your friends and family, then go home and see your friends and family. You don't need a shower to do this.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
OP, first of all, you are having an annoying attitude towards other posters. Just relax and let people respond how they're going to.
Second, I do see your point about wanting a shower in both places, but someone has to offer. Your sister may feel like she just threw one for you and she doesn't have to be the one to throw you another shower. If you really have so many family members and close friends back home then hopefully one of them will offer.
Sisters can be annoying sometimes...who cares if your sister thinks you should only have one shower in your current state? Its not up to her! But, its equally not up to you to expect that she happily be the one to throw you a shower.
You're only 12 weeks along. Someone may still offer. Chill.
And if they don't - then just go visit like you said.
First Child born
5/5/14 and 6/5/14
11/14
Chemical Pregnancy
9/5/15
Second after severe bleeding for 18 weeks due to subchorionic hematoma
Expecting Number 3 due 10/31/2020
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/68350096.aspx
I feel a DD coming on!
Rut-roh, we didn't validate her with "oh, how dare they now throw you a shower!" so she took her ball and went home.
In re-reading the first response - the OP clearly has really really thin skin if she got her panties in a bunch over that response!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Well, I think the fact that she asked about the shower at all could mean she was looking of a passive way to say "I'm not throwing you a shower."
I can understand if you would rather have your shower out there because of all the close ties you have. Moving is hard especially when you've lived somewhere most of your life, and it takes time to get those kinds of ties back, so yes, I can understand how it's disappointing to not get to share this experience with those people.
But I agree with you and think you should just go back and visit. And someone might still offer, you never know.
I think saying something about wanting the two showers was a bad way to express it, but I got your meaning anyway.
I'm an older sister, and my sister who is 17 mos. younger can be a real pain. But, I would throw her a million showers if she had enough occasions to warrant them. And I would demand the right as her sister over her friends. If they want to throw her a second one somewhere, fine, but I get to throw her one.
Guess it just depends on the sister and the situation she's in currently. Maybe she has a lot going on back home?
Whatever the case, just go back and enjoy the company! go shopping with some girlfriends, have a barbeque, just relax with them before baby comes. I think that would be even better than if they threw you a second shower
You are 12 weeks pregnant and are surprised that it wasn't well received when you came to a Baby Shower Board and complained that no one wanted to GIFT you a shower and you may have a "not" shower for yourself?
1. People have to offer you a shower.
2. Quit being so gift grabby!
POW!
I didn't say ANYTHING about etiquette. I honestly didn't understand the point of the post...etiquette wasn't involved at all.
Ironic, coming from someone who complains about the attitudes of the people on here all of the time. I'll remember this one.
What, exactly, about this is "snark directed personally at you"?
"I didn't say ANYTHING about etiquette. I honestly didn't understand the point of the post...etiquette wasn't involved at all."
If you think that was snark directed at you, or snark period, then I think I should be the one asking "sensitive much?"
I actually meant the OP. And since I was the first to respond, and it was my response that got her panties in a twist and sent her running back to her BMB, plus given what you've said about me before, it wasn't exactly a stetch to assume that you were at the very least generally referring to me in some small degree.
I wouldn't have considered posting anything remotely snarky...and then I read you telling me what I shouldn't post in response. I don't think I'll miss you much.
If you do decide to come back here, please include a sample response so we know how you'd like us to respond to whatever complaint you're posting. Just save us the time/trouble of formulating a truthful response and breaking all of your posting rules.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
Constructive suggestion...
Perhaps you can mention to your mom that you're considering throwing a meet the baby party in NY sometime after your recovered and feel ready to travel. This would initiate a conversation about the shower business.
It is true, no one is obligated. And frankly unless you would drive and not fly, bringing home the gifts from a shower would be a PITA. I do appreciate the wanting to celebrate (I was feeling that with a second pregnancy big time. I abhorred the idea of a second shower, but really wanted the opportunity to celebrate- what do you do?), so this is where the idea of just putting together a gathering prior to baby arriving would work. Just DO NOT call it a shower if you are doing it yourself.
And you can still throw a meet the baby party, or baptism/christening if that's in your belief system, in NY which would be totally okay and not gift grubby or anything....