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September 2012 Moms
Reconsidering MIL and Mom in L&D room
Back story- My mom and I are very close. I have talked to her about everything that has happened with this pregnancy and she has been very supportive with everything. My MIL and I are not close at all. We have almost nothing in common and we just never clicked. She was invited in the L&D room because seeing as though my hubby is her first son and this is her first biological grandchild she would want to be there. Plus my hubby desperately want me to be close to her so I really did it to make him happy.
Yesterday I had my 39th wk appt (EDD 9/3) and my OB sugessted that I move my induction date up from 9/13 to 9/6. I agreed after he explained to me the risks of waiting too long to deliver yada, yada, yada.
When I told my mom about my induction date being moved up to 40 weeks and 3 days she FLIPPED!!! She said that there is no reason why he should have moved my day up, she delivered me 2 weeks late (1985) and my brother 2 weeks late (1996) and had no complications. She them went on saying that I need to cancel my induction date and that she is very upset. When I explained to her the risks that the OB told me, she said it was ridiculous. Because of her rant at moving my induction date up what else might she not "approve" of when delivery comes. What happen if the OB has to use a vacuum or forceps, is she gonna flip then and question my OB in a high stress situation?
Should I lay down rules about being in the L&D room with my MIL and Mom or should I just erase them both and just have my hubs and I?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Reconsidering MIL and Mom in L&D room
Bottom line, this is your body - your baby. You make the decisions (along with DH) and everyone else needs to keep their opinions to themselves with the exception of if you ask. What they want has no relevance in this situation. It isn't about them - it is about you and the family you and your DH are making. Period.
Personally, I have asked my DH to police the hospital room for me. This will carry on to when we get home. He told me what I want - goes. Everyone else just has to deal with what I decide. Of course, I will consult my DH on most of it - but still it feels great to have that kind of support. I would encourage you to seek this with your DH. He needs to have your back on whatever you decide.
Your body, your delivery, your baby = your decision!
GL!
personally I wouldn't be comfortable with my mom or MIL in the delivery room with me. sure they can hang while I labor, but not while I'm delivering.
you are going to want to be surrounded by encouraging/ supportive people and able to focus on yourself and baby. If either of these women are going to get in the way of that, then decide that now. you don't even have to tell them that you changed your mind. you can say hospital policy/ doctor policy changed. or don't even tell them when you go to the hospital etc.
This.
I told my mom that if I flipped out and told her to leave, she was not to question me and just to go. There at least needs to be that ground rule.
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this exactly. DH told me that I make the decisions regarding who is in there since he won't have his nether region business out for all to see. Not that he would have been that desperate to have his mom in the room (she's BSC under good conditions), but if he wanted it and I said no, he wouldn't have asked again.
The only thing he asked for is to have my mom available if we/I need the backup support. He's nervous in hospitals (for good reasons) and wanted the reassurance of someone else there if needed. My mom, as a bonus, is also an RN and used to work in a hospital nursery/L&D.
Unsolicited advice from my mother during my whole pregnancy has only made me more sure that I only want my SO in the room. I have told her on more than one occasion that this is my child and I'll be making my own decisions thanks very much.
GL mama! And be strong! This is just the beginning of standing up to people when they question your decisions about your child. I repeat, YOUR child.
Since you said you are very close with your mom and her being there is important to both of you, maybe you don't have to kick her off the team just yet. Start with having a honest conversation with her about your birth plan and make sure to point out specific things that are different now in 2012 vs. 1980's. Lay down the ground rules and go over specific situations, like "If the doctor does___, that's okay with me, so please stay calm or leave the room" . If you still feel like she's not getting it, then move on to the "Stay in the waiting room" conversation.
You took words right out of my mouth! My mom added so much unnecessary worry to my pregnancy that I banned moms from both sides from entering the delivery room. My mom and I are close but she's just too opinionated to be around when I'm already in pain