shower ? - how to handle people brining kids...
Daisy622
member
Hey ladies...my mom and sister are throwing me a shower in late September. I am super excited and I am sure they will do a great job 
I have not been involved in the planning other than to provide names/addresses and my registry info.
Question I want input on....I think some guests may bring their children and this is not something that my mom/sister are expecting and I am not really sure how to handle. The invitations will be addressed to just the adult but I am not really confident that unexpected little ones will not be there (they range from 1 to 3yrs old). The shower is at a nice restaurant so I do not want my mom or the restaurant to get any unexpected surprises for space planning.
Is it a big deal? Is there anyway to really handle it? I am starting to think that I could be over thinking the whole thing?..what do you suggest?
Re: shower ? - how to handle people brining kids...
There really isn't a tactful way of outright telling someone their child isn't invited. Addressing the invite to just the mom should be enough. Maybe when they RSVP your mom can say "Ok, looking forward to seeing you! Are you excited for an afternoon away from the kids?" That might work.
In the end, if there are kids there, there's nothing to be done - it's their mom's responsibility to keep them occupied and well-behaved. It will only reflect poorly on the parent, not you or your hosts, if there is some kind of scene.
Ugh, it's awful that people are that rude.
You're correct that the invitation can not say "no children" - an invitation is supposed to note who IS invited, and not point out who isn't.
But could you finesse the wording a little bit to emphasize that this is a gathering of adults? "We're showering Daisy with good times and some quality grown-up time before the little one comes!" Or maybe a note that if anyone needs assistance locating a babysitter, to call one of the hostesses? Almost no one will, but it will drive the point home that children are not expected.
Thanks, these are all great suggestions. We wouldn't turn anyone away or make a big deal of it... i just don't want my mom/sister to be taken off guard with any unexpected surprises.
I can try to do some small suttle suggestions to those that concern me that it will be nice to have an "adult day with the ladies" before the little one comes along. At the end of the day it is what it is and I am sure the shower will be great with or without the unexpected
FWIW, my bridal shower, wedding and baby shower were all supposed to be adults only. My cousin showed up with her baby to my bridal shower - her husband had their older child. She said her husband couldn't handle both kids for an afternoon, which irritated me at the time, but now I totally understand.
My other cousin brought his youngest daughter to my wedding and I didn't know she was even there until she started screaming during our vows. I'm SO glad we didn't get a video of the ceremony because I'm sure I facially transitioned into Bridezilla from hell when that happened but after that it was no big deal.
One of my very good friends was unable to attend my baby shower because she was taking care of her newborn and her son alone that day, her husband had to work.
Gotta roll with the punches, you sound like you have the absolutely right attitude going into this!
I'm not sure that this is clear that children aren't invited, rather it makes it sound like you'd like to get together again after the shower. I agree with what PP said about your mom letting guests know when they RSVP that it's not a kid friendly venue. Give her a list of the women with children so she knows to mention it.
Honestly, I'm not sure why this is something we need to tiptoe around. You don't have to be rude about it, but I seenothing wrong in mentioning to your friends "Oh, in case the invitation wasn't clear, as it's at a restaurant, it is going to be an adults only function. "
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Out of the 25 people that were invited to my shower, 15 of them have 2-3-4 year old kids. I did NOT want all of those kids around! So my hostesses wrote "Adults Only" on the invitation.
Even with the invitation clearly being addressed only to the adult, AND it saying Adults Only, AND it being clear that it was an afternoon party with cocktails, I still had 2 friends that didn't "get it" and were confused that they couldn't bring their kids. I had phone conversations with both of them and said "I'm so excited for an afternoon with the ladies and no kids" and they were like "huh?" LOL
People are tacky.
Oh and neither of those 2 women came to the shower...even after they had both RSVP'd saying they'd be there...we still had a blast without them, and it was so freaking nice to not have 15 toddlers running around!
Oh and for the record, my two friends that have little newborns, I did mention that they were certainly welcome to join, and both of the moms ended up coming without the babies anyway. I was sad cause I wanted to hold the babies!
I have two friends with babies, and I have no problem with them bringing the little guys along if they need to because they aren't even a year yet and if they need to, they need to. I'm not going to turn them away cause they want to bring a cute baby lol
however, kids are different from babies. If you couldn't get someone to watch your kids, you wouldn't go out on a date with hubby or out for a girl's night. Same thing with a shower. Showers never involve kids, that's always been my belief.
My MIL threw my SIL's shower and it was very unconventional. It was co-ed, and it was more like some kind of huge party where you happened to have baby games and baby presents . It was chaos. And there were little kids there and my MIL's youngest two (twins) who were only 10 at the time and whined every time they didn't win a game or understand how to play.
If kids come, you have to involve them, and that's tricky which is part of what makes it so rude.
I would put something in the invitations like was mentioned above or casually mention to your friends when they bring up the shower "Yeah it'll be great to get to hang out and have some adult time before the LO gets here, I'm so excited!"
Or something better, I'm just throwing that out there
I would always try to be passive about it at first so that if I could avoid making that one person I know feel slighted, I did.
But in the end, if it's at a nice restaurant, the invitation says where it is, and people still think it's okay to bring any toddler or even an older kid, put your foot down. Being polite doesn't mean you have to be a pushover. Just make sure you express why the kids can't be there in a calm, reasonable way that is polite enough to let people know you're not just being a witch but that you have a reason for what your saying.
Anyone who cannot respond well to polite reasoning, isn't worth having there anyway.
I seriously don't get how people can think this is okay. It's not free to bring the kids. The hostess has to pay for their meals if the shower is at a restaurant. Kids never eat enough to warrant the food costs either so even beyond all the other issues mentioned above, it's rude to expect people to pay for someone that wasn't invited.
I know none of my friends would show up with their uninvited kids - heck, they're happy to be out of the house alone. We did decide to invite my cousins' kids since there are only a few of them.
I agree with ECB that it is not something you have to tiptoe around and to mention to your friend who you think might be tempted to bring their child "Oh, in case the invitation wasn't clear, as it's at a restaurant, it is going to be an adult only funciton." Personally I would have put "Adults Only" on the invite because a lot of people are clueless. I did that with our wedding invites and seriously had at least 2 people ask if they could bring their kids! I was not about to pay $55 for 5 kids to come - I would have invited 5 other ADULTS if I had an extra $250 laying around! My MOH didn't even bring her two other kids (one was IN the wedding party).
I don't think your mom or sister will really have the opportunity to tell these friends (that might bring their kids) that it is an adult event since most people who RSVP (if they do) just leave a message. I have rarely actually spoken TO the hostess when I call to RSVP. I think ECB has the better idea - YOU contact them (maybe email) and let them know it is an adult event. You do realize your Mom and Sister will have to pay for the kids that come (regardless of age) - right?
I used to work at a restaurant that did showers and almost every time there would be someone who brought a child. We were always able to accommodate them and it usually wasn't a big deal to the host.
If you think it will be a big issue, perhaps suggest to your mom or sister that they ask on the phone whether the guest will be planning on bringing a child? Or maybe just warn them that it could happen and that way they can let the restaurant know of the possibility. Chances are the restaurant will already have something prepared for kids just in case.
Agree. I told the people who have kids that this wasn't a child friendly place so I gave them ample notice to find a sitter. Nobody was offended rather they seemed very happy to have an adult night out!