LGBT Parenting

Ask Me Anything

Staking my Monday claim early =) Ask away! 
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Re: Ask Me Anything

  • What made you decide to have children? Are you planning to try for (or adopt, foster, etc.) more or are you done?
    married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
    IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
    Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
    image
    finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
  • Is parenting different than you anticipated? If so, how?
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  • imagethiswillbe:
    What made you decide to have children? Are you planning to try for (or adopt, foster, etc.) more or are you done?

    I think my main motivation was the desire to have adult children and grandchildren when I'm old. The idea of an old age without that made me feel lonely. I've always loved babies so that didn't hurt. Probably some biological need too.

    We are putting off an official decision until the babies are a year old, but we both feel like we're probably done. I've always wanted three kids, but we both feel like our family is complete with these two, and like we would prefer to give them our all - financially and otherwise. Also, we always planned that Jen would go first and then I would get pregnant next - we have both always wanted to experience pregnancy. But after living with a pregnant woman for 8+ months and seeing the reality, I'm finding that I think I would be fine with not having that experience. We're both surprised at how much our feelings have changed over time, which is why we're putting off the decision for a while - they may change again!  

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  • imagebutterflygrooves:
    Is parenting different than you anticipated? If so, how?

    Yes, but I'm not sure I could articulate how. It turns out that I had no idea what I was talking about, mostly :) I thought I would be more creative and just generally better at it than I am. I also thought I would be consulting books constantly, but I realized that just made me anxious and confused so I got off that train pretty early.  

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  • What's the best and worst thing about where you live now?

    What do you miss most about your former city/region?

    Met 07/07/05, Wedding 07/07/07, Legal Marriage Ceremony 12/9/12, Baby Boy Born 08/09/13 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageJoySeattle:

    What's the best and worst thing about where you live now?

    What do you miss most about your former city/region?

    Best things: Being near my parents and sister, how fresh and cheap the food is, the many alternatives to chain stores, the natural beauty of the surrounding area, friendliness, progressive thinking.

    Worst thing: It's a long way from everyone we know except my parents/sister and a few friends.

    Besides our friends and my job, I miss living in a neighborhood with sidewalks and wonderful old row houses. That's about it. 

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  • Do you have a favorite book? Or an awesome book recommendation of something you read recently? (And by recently, I mean in 2011, before becoming a mom...unless you've been able to manage reading and motherhood, which I most definitely have not!)

     

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  • How are you making it work to both be home for so long? Like, did you save a lot planning for this long period or ....? Would you have done it differently moving, both staying home so long, etc. if you weren't having twins? Is it scary to move without a job lined up? I can't remember are you both lawyers? Did you meet in law school if no, how?

    That should keep you busy a while! Hehehe.
    TTC with PCOS since July 2011.
    IVF Oct/Nov 2012
    Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
    Cautiously optimistic.
  • imageLolaBelle515:

    Do you have a favorite book? Or an awesome book recommendation of something you read recently? (And by recently, I mean in 2011, before becoming a mom...unless you've been able to manage reading and motherhood, which I most definitely have not!)

     

    My favorite book is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I've read it at least a dozen times. I've also read A Girl From Yamhill, the first volume of Beverly Cleary's autobiography, several times.

    I recently gave up some sleep to read Gone Girl, which was terrific.  

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  • imageKershnic:
    How are you making it work to both be home for so long? Like, did you save a lot planning for this long period or ....? Would you have done it differently moving, both staying home so long, etc. if you weren't having twins? Is it scary to move without a job lined up? I can't remember are you both lawyers? Did you meet in law school if no, how? That should keep you busy a while! Hehehe.

    Wheee! :)

    Yes, we did save a lot, over about three years, knowing that we had a lot of changes coming up and might end up with one or zero incomes for a while. It is definitely not ideal but we had some unexpected good luck that has taken some of the pressure off. I need to start working ASAP, but we aren't down to ramen noodles yet :)

    We probably would have put off moving for another month if it hadn't been twins, simply because it would have been safer for Jen to travel later into the pregnancy. And I would have started job hunting earlier rather than taking most of the summer off, just because the whole thing would have been less overwhelming. 

    It's very scary to move without a job lined up. It took a long time to make the decision to do it. In the end I decided that I just had to belief in myself for once in my life and trust that I could make it work out for us. 

    Jen is in HR. We met when I was in college and she was about a year out. She was dating my roommate but it only lasted about a month and by the time it was over we were good friends and got together shortly afterward. 

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  • hlkehlke member

    What kind of law do you practice?

    What is the most surprising positive aspect of parenting so far?  What is the most surprising negative aspect?

    How is Jen doing with breastfeeding?  Do you ever feel left out that you aren't able to share that part of parenting? 

    Same sex couple TTC with donor sperm.  I am 35 and carrying.  Endometriosis and DOR.
    AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish

    IVF #1 - antagonist.  Empty follicle syndrome.  1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
    IVF #2 - antagonist.  Ovulated early.  3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
  • imagehlke:

    What kind of law do you practice?

    What is the most surprising positive aspect of parenting so far?  What is the most surprising negative aspect?

    How is Jen doing with breastfeeding?  Do you ever feel left out that you aren't able to share that part of parenting? 

    I worked for a government agency doing privacy law and records management/administrative law. I like it a lot and hope to continue doing it, but I'm open-minded.

    I don't that it would be surprising to other people, but I didn't realize how much I would love seeing them do even the smallest new thing. It's really cool to watch them slowly take control over their own bodies. For me the most surprising negative aspect is the self-doubt. I knew it would be hard but I had no idea how much time I would spend questioning whether I was doing the right thing or feeling inadequate. I really, logically, do not think that I am a bad mom - I know I'm not, and I know the kids are doing great. But emotionally it's easy to become untethered from that. 

    I think that Jen has been very successful with breastfeeding. They latched right away and they are both good eaters with really zero issues - Lady Baby spits up quite a bit, but no reflux, problems taking a bottle, etc etc all the other things we feared. She does struggle with her supply so we supplement a couple feedings a day and she spends a lot of time pumping, drinking tons of water, etc. Supply has been the big issue and she doesn't give herself enough credit, IMO, for successfully breastfeeding twins for 3.5 months! Neither of us think her supply is going to keep up with demand as they need more and more, and I kind of think she needs to let go of all the pumping, etc. and just nurse them and enjoy that and give them formula more often. But this is the one area where I feel it has to be her decision, not mine, so we'll see what happens.

    I guess I feel a little bit left out - or not so much left out, as just that I love how peaceful they all look when she tandem nurses, and I would like to be part of that little circle of love somehow :) But I am very happy not to have to deal with the rest of it - including the anxiety and drinking all that water. 

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  • Kudos to you for supporting her and her decision-making around breastfeeding!

    I also just wanted to say that the demand doesn't usually keep going up beyond the first couple/few months. Assuming she wants to bf for that long, if she can focus on increasing/maintaining supply until they're six months (or whenever you intro complimentary foods) that's the max output she'll need (as then they start getting gradually more and more from other foods). Is she doing anything beyond frequent pumping and hydration to help with supply?

    Met 07/07/05, Wedding 07/07/07, Legal Marriage Ceremony 12/9/12, Baby Boy Born 08/09/13 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • She is taking lactation support pills (with fenugreek, etc.), eating extra calories, getting as much sleep as possible, and eating lactation-supporting food like oatmeal and flaxseed. 

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  • imageleapgirl8:
    imageLolaBelle515:


     

    My favorite book is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I've read it at least a dozen times. 

     

    CREEPY! A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is also MY favorite book.  It can't be that popular.  Awesome, especially since when referencing the bump, I have to describe the regular posters, and I refer to you to DW as "the girl on the gay bump with kids Luke's age that totally says thing I would say..."  

     

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  • imageLolaBelle515:
    imageleapgirl8:
    imageLolaBelle515:


     

    My favorite book is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I've read it at least a dozen times. 

     

    CREEPY! A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is also MY favorite book.  It can't be that popular.  Awesome, especially since when referencing the bump, I have to describe the regular posters, and I refer to you to DW as "the girl on the gay bump with kids Luke's age that totally says thing I would say..."  

     

    Eeeeeeee! Isn't it THE BEST? OMG when Francie gets that doll and it turns out her lie was true...and when she gets the flowers from her dad on graduation day...sniff...when WWI starts...the Bible and Shakespeare...the tin can bank nailed to the closet floor...when her mom gets remarried to the nice cop and you're like FINALLY THAT WOMAN CAUGHT A BREAK! I also love it b/c the way you read it changes over time as you get older. 

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  • imageleapgirl8:
    imageLolaBelle515:
    imageleapgirl8:
    imageLolaBelle515:


     

    My favorite book is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I've read it at least a dozen times. 

     

    CREEPY! A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is also MY favorite book.  It can't be that popular.  Awesome, especially since when referencing the bump, I have to describe the regular posters, and I refer to you to DW as "the girl on the gay bump with kids Luke's age that totally says thing I would say..."  

     

    Eeeeeeee! Isn't it THE BEST? OMG when Francie gets that doll and it turns out her lie was true...and when she gets the flowers from her dad on graduation day...sniff...when WWI starts...the Bible and Shakespeare...the tin can bank nailed to the closet floor...when her mom gets remarried to the nice cop and you're like FINALLY THAT WOMAN CAUGHT A BREAK! I also love it b/c the way you read it changes over time as you get older. 

    Wow-- that was my favorite book growing up, but I haven't read it in probably 20 years. I am going to see if I can dig my old copy up!
    married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
    IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
    Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
    image
    finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
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