Ask Me Anything!

ctbride08 · August 2012

I just dropped my baby at preschool (first day Crying ) and i'm going to need some serious distraction until pick up time.

So...ask me anything!

thiswillbe · August 2012

Shall we jump right in with the difficult questions? Please feel free to not answer (and I'm happy to DD this if you'd like). Does it ever sting when you see/hear about N2A's and my kids or Two's kid? I feel like we three (you, me, Two) were joined so closely by all starting to ttc at the same time, and things turned out so differently than I anticipated. Sometimes I feel really guilty...

Two*True · August 2012

Are you purposely ignoring my PM? Wink

Has the cupcake truck been by lately? If so, did you indulge? And what flavor did you get?

ctbride08 · August 2012

thiswillbe:

Shall we jump right in with the difficult questions? Please feel free to not answer (and I'm happy to DD this if you'd like). Does it ever sting when you see/hear about N2A's and my kids or Two's kid? I feel like we three (you, me, Two) were joined so closely by all starting to ttc at the same time, and things turned out so differently than I anticipated. Sometimes I feel really guilty...

I welcome all questions - even difficult ones, but this one isn't hard The answer is no - i love hearing about your kiddos and it never stings. It was hard when you guys were pregnant and we were still struggling, but I feel like we are all back on the same page again with our 2 year olds. so much of that infertility pain fades when you have a housefull of kids...at least it did for me

so, no need to feel guilty!

ctbride08 · August 2012

Two*True:

Are you purposely ignoring my PM?

LOL, no, just waiting for responses from the group!

Has the cupcake truck been by lately? If so, did you indulge? And what flavor did you get?

No, at least, not that I'm aware of...but i've been crazy busy and have kinda fallen out of the loop socially at work so its entirely possible that its been around and I was just oblivious to it

Meegs10.13.06 · August 2012

Would you be open to another baby (sibling to your kids) if you got the call? Any word from bio mom?

What is your biggest struggle right now?

nevr2amazin · August 2012

Hair...talk to me about the kid's hair, specifically the girls. I could only imagine that there has been a learning curve. Who combs there hair and at what age do you think that you would let them get braids (if ever)?

ctbride08 · August 2012

Meegs10.13.06:

Would you be open to another baby (sibling to your kids) if you got the call? Any word from bio mom?

Yes, *I* would be. Now that we've got 2 in school, and we've gotten a good break from the rollercoaster, it feels like a good time to *me* to add another itty baby. But, DW doesn't exactly share my feelings.

Nothing from bio mom in a while, unfortunately.

What is your biggest struggle right now?

Oy, how can i choose? Life is rough lately...

Right now at this very moment my biggest struggle is seeing Rosebud go off to school and feeling the heartbreak of just how quickly they grow up.

In general my biggest struggle is Sprout's behavioral issues and feelings of hopelessness/helplessness around it all. Its hard to feel the magnitude of it all until you are really in it, that when you sign up for a kid with behavioral/emotional issues, its for a lifetime of those issues.

ctbride08 · August 2012

nevr2amazin:
Hair...talk to me about the kid's hair, specifically the girls. I could only imagine that there has been a learning curve. Who combs there hair and at what age do you think that you would let them get braids (if ever)?

I mostly do the hair in the house - we play "Mommy's beauty parlor"

Rosebud is the only one with the coarse kinky hair most associated with AA hair. Her hair is tough, but people tell me it looks good so I guess we are doing an okay job with it? I pretty much just condition, condition, condition. We've never done a full head of braids (because she wont sit for it), but we do get half of her head braided regularly.

Daisy has super soft curls that are far easier to manage.

thiswillbe · August 2012

What is one thing you didn't do when the kids were younger that you wish you had done? What's one thing you did and were super glad you did?

ctbride08 · August 2012

thiswillbe:

What is one thing you didn't do when the kids were younger that you wish you had done? What's one thing you did and were super glad you did?

I'm really sad we didn't do professional newborn pictures. I know of some amazing newborn photographers and always get a pang of sad when I see their pics on facebook.

But on a related note, i'm super glad that we have gotten family pictures on a regular basis. Even though I hate pictures of myself, I love having pictures of all of us and how our family has grown over the years. I'm happily surprised at how supportive DW has been about the regular family pics too.

Kershnic · August 2012

Why don't you work in the field you went to school for? What kind of decision process went in to that?

Do you ever struggle with different emotions towards Sprout considering his trauma behaviors and the fact you didn't get to raise him from birth as you did with the girls? Knowing of course that you love all three of your kids to pieces!

If you did ever choose to TTC again, do you have concerns about having children of different races than each other and/or children who joined your family in different ways?

ctbride08 · August 2012

Kershnic:
Why don't you work in the field you went to school for? What kind of decision process went in to that?
Money, mostly. I started working in insurance to put myself through school and by the time I graduated, I was making more where I was than I could as a school psychologist. That, and, I like my job, have awesome flexibility, and more growth potential. It fits better into how life turned out. Plus I cant really imagine dealing with difficult kids all day long just to come home and deal with MY difficult kids. though summers off would be nice

Do you ever struggle with different emotions towards Sprout considering his trauma behaviors and the fact you didn't get to raise him from birth as you did with the girls?

Yes. Now that Rosebud is getting older its becoming more and more clear to me just how much of Sprout's difficult behavior is trauma/environmentally related vs plain old annoying kid behavior. The truth is, parenting Sprout is hard, whereas parenting the girls is easy. And that dicotomy brings a whole host of emotions (guilt, fustration, resentment, hopelessness,...)

If you did ever choose to TTC again, do you have concerns about having children of different races than each other and/or children who joined your family in different ways?

I dont so much worry about kids joining our family in different ways since it already feels that way anyway. I havent really put significant thought into it, but part of me does think that we should use a black donor if we were ever to TTC again!

jeannkerricotober09 · August 2012

If you could plan, what kind of relationship (s) would you want your kids to have with bio mom?

leapgirl8 · August 2012

What is your dream vacation with the kids (pick any ages, not just right now)?

What is your dream vacation with just you & DW?

What is your dream solo vacation?

Assume infinite time and money

hlke · August 2012

I love your blog. How did you get started blogging?

In the throes of the process, did you ever regret your decision to pursue fostering and pregnancy at the same time?

ctbride08 · August 2012

jeannkerricotober09:

If you could plan, what kind of relationship (s) would you want your kids to have with bio mom?

If she was able, I would love a consistent and close relationship. With letters back and forth and monthly visits (basically what we had pre-adoption). For the time being, I would want to supervise all interactions (for supervision sake, and to have the kids see us interacting positively and growing our relationship), but when they were older I would love for her to in a place where she could have a positive individual relationship with each of them.

ctbride08 · August 2012

leapgirl8:

What is your dream vacation with the kids (pick any ages, not just right now)?

I hate to even say it, but I think i would have to go with Disney. Its just SO kid-oriented and magical...they would really love it and I would love seeing them love it. But I would defintely bring our babysitter

What is your dream vacation with just you & DW?

Africa!! Mission work, followed by safari, followed by Seychelles. its absolutely on the "someday" list.

What is your dream solo vacation?

hmmm, maybe a cooking school resort somewhere mountain-y and beautiful. Or I've also thought about the biggest loser ranch. Ha! and that pretty much sums up my life

Assume infinite time and money

ctbride08 · August 2012

hlke:

I love your blog. How did you get started blogging?

Thank you! I started it on a total whim one day...i felt like everyone around here was starting a blog and I enjoyed reading them so I figured I'd start my own. I didn't expect it to turn into a real hobby and/or branch into other opportunities, but I'm super glad it did!

In the throes of the process, did you ever regret your decision to pursue fostering and pregnancy at the same time?

Nope, if anything, we said thank goodness we did! It was nice to always have an "iron in the fire" and it was such a blessing to already have 2 beautiful children in our home when the IF stuff got really, really bad. I can't imagine how hard it would have been to have completely exhausted the TTC options, then have to start from scratch on foster/adoption.

tdmklm · August 2012

How/why did you decide to do C25K?

ctbride08 · August 2012

tdmklm:
How/why did you decide to do C25K?

Meegs told me she was starting it and I said, "that sounds cool, me too!"

I've started it a bunch of times before, but this is the first time I've finished! (or will finish, rather, since i've got a couple runs left)

EratMama · August 2012

How much do Sprout and Rosebud "identify"/relate/seem drawn to African American culture? Was Sprout's previous life mostly AA? What do you do to keep him connected now?

*ETA--sorry if that sounded accusatory. It's late & the convention is on in the background.

ctbride08 · August 2012

EratMama:

How much do Sprout and Rosebud "identify"/relate/seem drawn to African American culture? Was Sprout's previous life mostly AA? What do you do to keep him connected now?

They don't really, at all, and I'm sure that has to do with them coming to us at such young ages. Sprout's previous life was very urban so it was probably mostly black. His father was hispanic so he may have had some exposure to that culture as well.

In terms of what we do to keep him connected, its still something we are figuring out. We want it to be authentic and not forced. And we also dont want to create a culture for them that might or might not be theirs. Just because they are black doesnt mean they are AA (our BFF, who is Panamanian, gets annoyed at our country's assumption that all black people are african, so we are sensitive to that).

We've asked their mom if they celebrated or did anything particular to their culture that she would want us to pass along...she said no.

That being said, we celebrate Kwanzaa with friends every year and do a lot of talking about people of different colors, what being black means to them, what it might mean to the outside world, ect. We'll see how it unfolds as they get older. Right now my focus is on making sure their world isnt all white...the town we live in is okay (we went with a happy medium between diversity but still strong school systems), but the school we just put Rosebud in is awesome - I noticed yesterday the white kids are in the minority in her classroom. And the school principal is just about the perfect example of what I'd want for my girls in terms of a black female role model.

EratMama · August 2012

One more?

Would you want to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom?

ctbride08 · August 2012

EratMama:

One more?

Would you want to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom?

Yes! I think my perfect dream come true would be to work outside of the home part time, but if we were in a position for me to SAH, I would absolutely jump on it. (though that will never happen).

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