Blended Families

Im a bad friend - NBFR but would appreciate some advice

I was texting back and forth w my best friend a few weeks ago. I had asked if she wanted to do something but turns out she hated what I had asked if she wanted to do. No biggie. Well, after that conversation was over she had texted me something that was basically an intro to another (important) convo. I never responded. I didn't NOT respond bc I was being a self centered a$&, I literally never saw the text. I think what must have happened is I had the text convo open, then she texted me Nd I must have sat the phone down or something and so it didn't have the little notification of 'new text MSG' or anything. I probably picked it up and did something else, I honestly don't remember. This was back in the beginning of July. I honestly didn't ever see or realize I had a text, though. So weeks have gone by and I haven't heard from my friend. Which is odd. Usually we wil FB or comment each others stuff or what not. I haven't had a single interaction w her. I've said some stuff to her but no reply. I figure she is busy. Whatevs. 

So talking to DH last night he asks me something about her and I say I haven't really heard much from her and I need to call her bc it's been a few weeks. I texts her later (me not knowing) and I guess went back a couple times and tells him that I wasn't there for her when she needed me or something. He tells me this and I have NO idea what she is talking about. So I go back to read him our convo to see if I said something rude or upsetting, and there it is. Her last text to me that I didn't reply to. I'm. A. Jerk. Last night was literally the first time I had seen it.

I had texted her a few nights ago about something semi-important and never got a reply, and that's what sparked all of this. To my defense, I didn't go to her thread of texts on my phone to text her though. I knew it had been a while since we talked and that her thread would be far down, so I just went to her contact and hit 'send message'. It doesn't take you to the thread of your convo it just gives you a new MSG box and sends it. Of course it was at the top of my thread list at that point but all I saw as a preview was my text to her.

Anyway, she is upset (rightfully so, I'm sure she wa fuming when I texted about something important and I hadn't bothered to respond to her weeks prior) and I don't know how to explain this without sounding like a total jerk. And I know the story is long and I don't want her to think I've made up some elaborate story to get out of looking like a jerk, but it's the honest truth. Last night was the first time I had seen that last text she sent me and I feel absolutely horrible. She has been my best friend for over 10 years, and I'm afraid I just ruined that friendship over stupid text messaging.... 

Help? 

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Re: Im a bad friend - NBFR but would appreciate some advice

  • Stop texting and call her. Or bake her favorite cookies and pick up a bottle of her favorite beverage and show up on her door step. Tell her you are so sorry. You missed her text and would never ignore her. That in the future if you don't respond to call you and you will be there for her, bc she is your BFF and you love her. If she doesn't forgive and forget, then she isn't the friend you thought she was. 
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  • imagexmaryrickx:
    Stop texting and call her. Or bake her favorite cookies and pick up a bottle of her favorite beverage and show up on her door step. Tell her you are so sorry. You missed her text and would never ignore her. That in the future if you don't respond to call you and you will be there for her, bc she is your BFF and you love her. If she doesn't forgive and forget, then she isn't the friend you thought she was. 
    Exactly this.
  • And make sure to accentuate the CALLING part. I'm a huge fan of texting because i talk on the phone at work a lot so i hate talking on the phone at home...but if its that important i would think a phone call is better than a text. can't always rely on technology...
  • imageHopeforthebest:
    imagexmaryrickx:
    Stop texting and call her. Or bake her favorite cookies and pick up a bottle of her favorite beverage and show up on her door step. Tell her you are so sorry. You missed her text and would never ignore her. That in the future if you don't respond to call you and you will be there for her, bc she is your BFF and you love her. If she doesn't forgive and forget, then she isn't the friend you thought she was. 
    Exactly this.

    Ditto.  My friends and I have a rule:  If you text me something important that needs a somewhat timely response and I don't respond within an hour, call me.  I have a terrible habit of leaving conversations open on my iphone and then I don't receive a notification of a new text.  Plus, I'm terrible at actually hitting "send" (a lot of times I hit the "p" and messages never go out - stupid touchscreens).  These types of things happen, and they aren't something to hold a grudge about.  Especially since if the matter was that important, why didn't she just call you anyways?

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  • yes, you need to have a conversation either over the phone or in person and apologize.  if she doesn't accept your apology or eventually get over it then there's a deeper issue. 
                           
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  • imageHopeforthebest:
    imagexmaryrickx:
    Stop texting and call her. Or bake her favorite cookies and pick up a bottle of her favorite beverage and show up on her door step. Tell her you are so sorry. You missed her text and would never ignore her. That in the future if you don't respond to call you and you will be there for her, bc she is your BFF and you love her. If she doesn't forgive and forget, then she isn't the friend you thought she was. 
    Exactly this.
    Yep. She should be able to understand an honest mistake.
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  • imagexmaryrickx:
    Stop texting and call her. Or bake her favorite cookies and pick up a bottle of her favorite beverage and show up on her door step. Tell her you are so sorry. You missed her text and would never ignore her. That in the future if you don't respond to call you and you will be there for her, bc she is your BFF and you love her. If she doesn't forgive and forget, then she isn't the friend you thought she was. 

    Really, if she is so unforgiving (and it doesn't appear as if she reached out to you multiple times) then she is not a friend.  Friends realize that we are all human and we ALL make mistakes.

    Yes, she is allowed to be hurt and a little angry, but unless you have a history of flaking out on her when she needs you most, then she should easily forgive you. 

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • imageKaeldrasmommy:
    imageHopeforthebest:
    imagexmaryrickx:
    Stop texting and call her. Or bake her favorite cookies and pick up a bottle of her favorite beverage and show up on her door step. Tell her you are so sorry. You missed her text and would never ignore her. That in the future if you don't respond to call you and you will be there for her, bc she is your BFF and you love her. If she doesn't forgive and forget, then she isn't the friend you thought she was. 
    Exactly this.
    Yep. She should be able to understand an honest mistake.

    Agree. I would go to her house with something in hand (i.e. cookies) and explain what you just told us, & what Kaeldrasmommy said. 

    image
  • imageKaeldrasmommy:
    imageHopeforthebest:
    imagexmaryrickx:
    Stop texting and call her. Or bake her favorite cookies and pick up a bottle of her favorite beverage and show up on her door step. Tell her you are so sorry. You missed her text and would never ignore her. That in the future if you don't respond to call you and you will be there for her, bc she is your BFF and you love her. If she doesn't forgive and forget, then she isn't the friend you thought she was. 
    Exactly this.
    Yep. She should be able to understand an honest mistake.

    Agree. I would go to her house with something in hand (i.e. cookies) and explain what you just told us, and what Kaeldrasmommy said. 

    image
  • imageKaeldrasmommy:
    imageHopeforthebest:
    imagexmaryrickx:
    Stop texting and call her. Or bake her favorite cookies and pick up a bottle of her favorite beverage and show up on her door step. Tell her you are so sorry. You missed her text and would never ignore her. That in the future if you don't respond to call you and you will be there for her, bc she is your BFF and you love her. If she doesn't forgive and forget, then she isn't the friend you thought she was. 
    Exactly this.
    Yep. She should be able to understand an honest mistake.

    Agree. I would go to her house with something in hand (i.e. cookies) and explain what you just told us, and what Kaeldrasmommy said. 

    image
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