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May 2012 Moms
kkchisholm
member
friends without kids
kkchisholm
member
I have a friend who is literally upset with me for not talking as much as I use to. she literally said "i get babies change your life but its not that hard to check in with a friend or respond to a 2 second text"
I told her I read half a text message while eating/changing/feeding/sleeping/cuddling/ consoling, etc and I don't remember to go back to read it for a few days, if at all.. .andplusalso my phones always on silent. when you get your screaming baby to calm down after 45 min of unexplained crying, the last thing you want is a phone alarm to wake her up.
It makes me angry shes legit upset about this. Ive got another friend like this as well. Am I being a bad friend or is she just not understanding?
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Re: friends without kids
My Blog on PPD and life in general**
and I do look at it, but then forget about it. She wants me to go to her birthday weekend and was upset I am doing going. She lives 3 hours away.
It sounds like you are a busy mom who is putting her child first and establishing a routine. They wont understand until they have children of their own, so you kind of have to wait until that day and guilt them into immediately texting back (kidding).
I am having this same issue with some people but they will not say anything to me because they know that tending to my child is number one above everything and everyone. I also have some friends with newborns who completely understand that communication amongst us is going to be a little inconsistent for a while.
I don't think you are being a bad friend. Maybe perhaps you are avoiding calling her because she will take up some of your time that you would rather be resting or catching up on time for yourself. Priorities change. Period.
I have a child free friend and she is all about drama.... I love her, she's great, but right now I am preoccupied and when things slow down I'll get in touch with her. Besides, it will be me listening to her, not vice versa because she really isn't interested in babies. I do chit chat with all of my friends with kids because I am constantly asking them things!
I totally agree with PP that their time will come and they will understand....however....
I have a saying that goes "people only do what they want to do."
Take the guy/girl relationship for example. Guy and girl go on a date. Guy never calls again. Girl keeps wondering what's up, but it's really, really simple. The guy simply doesn't want to call her again. If he did want to, he would.
I may be wrong but from what I read it seems you may not want to call this girl back? Right or wrong you may need to evaluate the real reason you aren't getting back to these girls. There could be a deeper issue than, "busy with baby." Just a thought. Good Luck!
Yes, really.
You've found the time twice today to talk about this issue to random strangers on the internet. Why aren't you taking that time to converse with your friend? I've been that childless friend who is left by the wayside by friends who had kids. It happened to me over and over again because I was older when I had my babies. You know what? It sucks. I know that you're a new mom (so am I and I am managing twins and working full time) but you have to maintain relationships outside of your children. They aren't priority but they are important. Your kids won't stay around forever and you will eventually need your friends. I make it a point to see my best friend at least twice a month since my twins were born. I know she was insecure that I would ditch our friendship when my babies were born and I want her to know she still matters.
If this person doesn't mean enough for you to remember to return a text or give a quick call then maybe you should evaluate whether or not you two are really friends.
~Fitness Blog~
This.
Is it possible you're just not that interested or AS interested as you used to be in conversing with your friends? I'm an introvert and my only close friends are related except for one girlfriend. I don't like chit chat. I enjoy conversing where I can stop if I want to, and to be a good friend you really can't just turn it off at times. A few friendly relationships are enough for me, and while I'm always there for them when they need me, they understand that if I don't feel like calling, especially since having an LO, I'm not going to call. Not unless there's a purpose to the call.
Maybe your priorities have just changed. I don't think there's anything wrong with you or the way you're being a friend, but it will probably hurt her feelings that you don't care as much to talk to her and you're not "making" the time. You make the time to brush your teeth, walk the dog, etc., and I'm sure squeeze in some bump or tv time. There is NOTHING wrong with that, your order of importance has just changed, but she is probably hurt over it especially since she used to be a higher priority in your life. IMO she has to accept what it means to be friends with you now, and you should just be understanding that she may not be very happy with you over it!
I have to agree with your friend. I mean I do have plenty of time for texting, I text while bfing a lot. I don't find it difficult in the least. I find it hard to imagine a baby so demanding that you never have a hand free to respond to a message at any point in the day. If that really is your situation I feel bad for you, truly.
Thankyou for many helpful answers and some things to think about. Also- for the whole feeding and texting/bumping thing. I understand it can be done and may be easy but I would not do that... just shows how we all adjust/parent differently.