Babies on the Brain
ricecakes1216
member
Relatives asking for money
ricecakes1216
member
My sister is the biggest mooch on the planet. I love her very much but she has no concept of money and expects things to be handed to her. She "borrows" money from either my parents or one if her siblings probably on a monthly if not more basis.
I got a text from her this morning asking to borrow money to take her dog to the vet. This is the second time in the fourish month that she's had the dog. I don't get why she got it when she can't afford her other dog.
I apologized and told her I would have to discuss that with DH and he won't be home until maybe tonight. She then proceeded to guilt me. It's so frustrating that she has been enabled for her entire life. But I feel bad for the dog.
How do you handle relatives asking for money?
I got a text from her this morning asking to borrow money to take her dog to the vet. This is the second time in the fourish month that she's had the dog. I don't get why she got it when she can't afford her other dog.
I apologized and told her I would have to discuss that with DH and he won't be home until maybe tonight. She then proceeded to guilt me. It's so frustrating that she has been enabled for her entire life. But I feel bad for the dog.
How do you handle relatives asking for money?
TTC#1 Since April 2011
BFP#1 5.23.12 C/P 4w4d
BFP #2 10.1.13
EDD June 10, 2014
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Re: Relatives asking for money
I do NOT ever lend relatives money. I don't get asked because they know without a doubt that I will always say no.. However, it is DH's family that is looking for money and there are many reasons I do not lend to them. #1- They don't have jobs. If you don't have a job..it will be a cold day in Hell you get any of my hard earned money. #2- They will spend my money on habits and addictions that I do not condone. It is well known within DH's family that I don't bullsh*t anyone and I'm not a pushover.
But, it sounds like your situation is different. She's looking for money for the Vet and not hard drugs so that's a plus! I still wouldn't give it to her though because it sounds like it's becoming a habit for her to ask. If I were you I would just stand my ground and say no. If she tries to guilt you, you can remind her that it was her choice to get the dog and she needs to be responsible for it.
Wow, I sound like a cold hearted b***h..
Baby girl #1 7/11/13
Baby girl #2 4/30/15
Baby Boy Due 2/16/19!
Does she pay it back when she "borrows" it?
If she doesn't pay you back, a simple answer like, you can "borrow" money when you pay me back for the last 3 times i lent it to you.
If she does pay you back in a timely manner, i wouldn't see a problem lending it to her.
BFP 11/30/14 EDD 8/13/15
I wouldn't pay for someone dog's vet bill. It sucks that the dog is suffering, but she's never going to take responsibility if she always has someone to pay. I would tell her that there's payment plans/credit cards for vet bills and she needs to get one of them to pay her vet herself or rehome the dog to someone who can afford it.
With that being said, I have let relatives borrow money/live with us temporarily if they're about to be homeless, but I wouldn't lend money for stuff like that especially if someone has a history of not paying the money back.
This. People need to take responsibility for their actions - especially when they are the one who decided to get the dog. If you can't afford a dog, don't get one. My sister constantly does this where she goes out and spends money shopping and going on vacation but then can't afford Maxi-pads a week before her next paycheck... I mean... come on! Manage your money! That's what adults have to do!
If my sister asked me to borrow money, I'd just tell her that I talked about it with DH and we are tight right now - we have our own bills to pay for... or offer to pay her for services - cleaning the house/ help painting/etc.
We let a family member sit in the dark for over a week. We had the money to pay her lights, but not our problem. We never see the money again and she calls all the time. Tough love is our method now. We can't afford to give all the time. If we did we couldn't pay our own bills. FTR we did give her numbers to agencies to help her. She never called them. There is a point where helping becomes hendering. We were at that point.
I say don't give it to her and look up charities for her to call. If her dog is in bad enough shape call ASPCA or offer to take the dog for long term.
I'm sorry that your sister has been taking advantage of other peoples kindness. If she hasn't paid anyone back then heck no on allowing her to borrow money. If she has paid you back then it's your judgement call but I would still say no. She can take out a loan or open up " care credit " at the hospital to care for her dog. The dog is not your responsibility. Don't make her problems, your problems.
My family doesn't ask me for money anymore. I do not lend to family members as it creates bad blood, resentment and I can not afford to give away money because they have zero intentions of paying it back. I have seen them mooch off of other family members and they keep allowing it to happen.
Now, the only exception to this would be if it was my parents or my MIL. I would gladly help them out but they probably wouldn't ask.
On the other hand, if they needed something like Maxi pads, shampoo, toothpaste or deodorant, they know I would gladly help them out in that department. I coupon so I have it laying around the house anyway. I get it for pennies on the dollar and I have way more than I can use. (I also donate it to charities as well). I would much rather you come to me asking for HBA items than cash. You can't really sell soap for anything.(Several people in my family have substance abuse/ addiction issues)
Good luck.
No flames from me. I did something similar w/ my sister right before I got married. She didn't want help, she wanted a hand out. She didn't want to get off her lazy arse and take responsibility for her actions. Instead she wanted to play the victim and ran to my grandmother telling her how much of a big meanie head I was.
If she does pay it back it takes a lot of nagging. It's so frustrating because she adopted this dig knowing it had special needs. The rescue she adopted the dog from was supposed to do all these checks to make sure you're a suitable match, they didn't.
Good for you! I feel like it's her choice to live the way she does and family, mostly my mom and brother, enables it. I feel like she needs tough love and start taking responsibility for her life choices. Ive turned her down before, but feel extra guilty because of the poor dog.
'Til He returns, or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I stand.
You could always call the rescue and give them a heads up? I'm sure they do not want a special needs animal to be placed in a home that can not provide it with routine vet care.
This is exactly right, and what my parents always taught me to do. It eliminates so much frustration and is a pleasant surprise when someone does pay you back.
Ditto.