"The First Year Is A Nightmare!"

leavitt1 · August 2012

Why must people keep saying this to my DH? That and, "Your life is never going to be the same." I know they think they are being funny/helpful, but all they are doing is freaking him out. Yes, we know our lives are going to change, and yes, we know it is going to be a tough adjustment, but do they really think they are helping the situation? And if it's such a nightmare, why do so many of them have more than one kid?

Sorry to vent, but my poor DH looks so terrified right now...

EGMphoto · August 2012

I have never heard anyone say that the first year is a nightmare. That's pretty unreasonable, and definitely not very thoughtful to say to someone who's about to have a baby.

However, saying "your life is never going to be the same" is true. Haha. It just is.

mandawest · August 2012

I have had a ton of people tell me that I won't enjoy maternity leave. I realize it will be difficult...but I did make the decision to get pregnant...and I did realize I would be losing some sleep...

I think I will enjoy maternity leave a lot more than I enjoyed pregnancy! There will be a little baby there showing me that all my efforts are worth it!

Tarta · August 2012

If I had a penny for every time I've read this complaint on the bump I'd be, well, at least 50 cents richer. ;o)

People just say it because there's not much else to say I guess. And really, once the LO is here and you are having a rough day, it doesn't tick you off nearly so much for someone to say that same thing and validate how different life is for you.

Yes, life gets tough for awhile, yes, you'll survive just fine. No, it doesn't help to have anyone say that to you. But, just like everything else, you're gonna get commentary about your choice to procreate and how to parent for the rest of your life. Don't worry about your DH. No matter how terrified he looks right now, he'll survive just fine too.

To be honest, when you look at all the new realities of parenthood all at once, there is some good reason to be terrified. But then, when you're in the situation, you roll with the punches and find out you're capable of (and willing to do) so much more than you thought. I'll be honest and say that my first year after DD was 100% tougher than what anyone "warned" me about. I'm still here kicking and ready to do it again.

Parenthood is a huge rite of passage. I'm of the opinion that it's ok to embrace the uncertainties and fears along with the joy and pride. It's pretty natural. It requires personal sacrifice and growth you just can't grasp until you're in it. People talk about it that way because, for the most part, it really is that way. Doesn't mean they think you're gonna die from it. Although I know it can sound like they're trying to curse you with the statement.

I have no idea where I'm going with this comment other than, yeah, I hear what you're saying. And yeah, I hear what they're saying and will probably be guilty of saying it at some point in my life too. ) Totally helpful right?

bosha711 · August 2012

TheMcCombies:
I have never heard anyone say that the first year is a nightmare. That's pretty unreasonable, and definitely not very thoughtful to say to someone who's about to have a baby.

However, saying "your life is never going to be the same" is true. Haha. It just is.

Yes

amanda2424 · August 2012

yea that really annoys me as well. About a month ago DH and I were back home and his mom and her friend kept saying stuff like that I was simply explaining that we know what we are getting ourselves into and that we know its not all puppies and rainbows and they still were like "however bad you think it is, its like 10x that" , the friend was also debbie downer about labor and how horrible its going to be. I was having a hard time hiding my emotions and was visibly annoyed. "Thanks for the pep talk ladies", who says stuff like that to a grown women who made the choice to get pregnant, it was like they were trying to make me feel like a stupid teenager.

cmarie520 · August 2012

Sorry people are getting to you. Whenever people tell me that my life is going to change so much, etc, etc, etc... I just smile and say "I hope so!" Try not to get too freaked out. I'm a FTM and I know my life will never be the same, that's why we decided to have a baby. I'm sure it won't be a nightmare, but even if I have a colicky baby, I can't send him back and its too late now. Don't let them get you down!

Stasi · August 2012

Just tell him to shrug it off. Those people saying those things are the same idiots that tell people to "live it up now before you get married, because then everything changes and your life will be completely different". I found my life to be better and more fulfilling married then it ever was when I was single...so I'm expecting great things from being a mother as well

leavitt1 · August 2012

Thank you all! I will definitely show this thread to my DH. I think, in some ways, it's probably easier to take this leap of faith when you're younger. DH and I are in our mid 30s and have been together since our early 20s. The idea of such a life altering change is a scary one and one we didn't take lightly. That said, the fear is very real.

Nita2603 · August 2012

Yeah, it is so bad that I decided to do it again before the first year was even over. Come on, people are azzes. It's gonna be fine.

And of course life is different and it will never be the same. But nothing is better than coming into my little boys room when he wakes up and see the smile and his little pudgy arms reaching for me.

elizabethwig · August 2012

My advisor described it as 'relentless', which to me sounded terrifying. Ah well, too late now.

PercyMama · August 2012

I totally disagree with this theory. Hated pregnancy but love parenthood. It is great. People just like to say this but don't give it much credit. You will be great and so will your husband. Also, I loved maternity leave!

MrsAB1316 · August 2012

Stasi:
Just tell him to shrug it off. Those people saying those things are the same idiots that tell people to "live it up now before you get married, because then everything changes and your life will be completely different". I found my life to be better and more fulfilling married then it ever was when I was single...so I'm expecting great things from being a mother as well

Yes

Manx4 · August 2012

I think they're way off base. It's a hard adjustment at first, yes, but it is full of so many firsts, so many rewards...it's awesome!

The first smile, the first laugh, the first time they roll over, crawl, pull up, walk, say their first word.

The first year is magical, not a nightmare.

hmp1 · August 2012

Not sure this will help, but I found a baby to be much easier than a toddler. There is so much greatness that the bad stuff slips away from your mind (hopefully). And of course your life is never going to be the same. Mine is so much better!

hmp1 · August 2012

leavitt1:
Thank you all! I will definitely show this thread to my DH. I think, in some ways, it's probably easier to take this leap of faith when you're younger. DH and I are in our mid 30s and have been together since our early 20s. The idea of such a life altering change is a scary one and one we didn't take lightly. That said, the fear is very real.

This is us too. We started dating at 20/21 and are both 33 now. I am so glad we waited until our 30s to have kids. Changing our ways wasn't that hard since we were completely ready to do so. And really, we both still work, we go on vacations with and without LO, we still do date nights but we love hanging out with our family so much it isn't a big deal to miss out on the newest movie or concert if we can't get a sitter.

The saying that I think is the truest when it comes to having a baby is "the days are long but the weeks are fast".

hmp1 · August 2012

mandawest:
I have had a ton of people tell me that I won't enjoy maternity leave. I realize it will be difficult...but I did make the decision to get pregnant...and I did realize I would be losing some sleep...

I think I will enjoy maternity leave a lot more than I enjoyed pregnancy! There will be a little baby there showing me that all my efforts are worth it!

I would never tell someone they won't enjoy maternity leave because everyone is different. But for me, I didn't really enjoy it. Nothing to do with the baby. I was just so bored. I was ready to go back to work at 13 weeks.