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XP:Advice! When to tell children ( Step Children )

mrsjjohnson2010mrsjjohnson2010 member
in Blended Families

hello, Im new here and need a little help, TIA

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I have a 7.5 yo SS whom has been in my life since he was 2yo. He is my husband?s only child ( up until now) and his mother?s third child/ youngest. SS mother is about to have a baby any day now and he will become a Big Brother. He seems ok with being a big brother but I don?t want to spring this baby on him, until after he gets adjusted. I know some children who are the youngest or the only child may act out or become jealous of the new baby. He is a pretty easy going child and I don?t want to change that.

Has anyone dealt with something like this before? Please give advice on how and when to tell SS about new baby! TIA

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Re: XP:Advice! When to tell children ( Step Children )

  • bdbelladonnabdbelladonna
    i would tell him before you tell anyone else and before you start to show. Just make sure you both let him know he is not being replaced. I would also let him be as involved with getting ready for baby as he wants to be, it may help him think of the baby as his not just something that is happening to him.
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  • KaeldrasmommyKaeldrasmommy member
    I'd say that with how far along you are giving him a month or so with his BM's new baby would probably be perfect. You'll be just getting into your second trimester and probably not showing yet.
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  • jkacera15jkacera15
    i think also, given his age you won't have many problems. If he'll be 8 when the baby is born, he'll have experience from his other home, he will do just fine. Maybe a little jealousy like any normal kid but i wouldn't think anything that is too hard to handle.
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  • twister22twister22 member
    I would wait until your 2nd trimester to tell him, and I would tell SS before announcing publicly. He should have a pretty good idea of what to expect from BM's house. If SS complains about certain things about the LO at BM's house, I would mentally note it and try to make sure you have a better approach with said problem. (I.e. SS says BM never spends one-on-one time with him now that the LO is here, then make it a point with DH & SS to have one-on-one time after the baby is here.) Just do your best to make SS feel included (bring him to the ultrasound if you're comfortable with that, let SS pick out toys for the baby, etc.)
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  • kescalerakescalera member

    Definitely tell SS before you tell anyone else. We told SS10 the day we found out and asked his permission to share the news with grandparents during a visit for his birthday. He was really excited at the beginning, then couldn't care less, now is back to being excited about having a little brother or sister (not thrilled with the idea s/he could come on Christmas Eve/Christmas and take time away from the traditional holiday events but still understands we can't really control the arrival date).

    Also, no matter how well you manage to tell him, present the situation, adjust to spending 1:1 time etc. Expect that he will go through perfectly normal emotional changes where he will feel replaced, be worried baby will take Mom/Dad away from him, etc. We are getting this from SS (at least that's what we're hearing from BM) and I just tell her, it sucks that he throws a temper tantrum about it at her house but we've already talked to him, take extra time to spend one:on:one, etc. These emotions are not logical and knowing the truth doesn't make them go away.

    Always keep the hugs, I love you's, and inside jokes ready. He'll need them. 

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  • jvaeth2012jvaeth2012 member

    Tell him as soon as you know that everything is ok. I have a 15yr old son that I had when I was young. His father and I are divorced and Ive since remarried. My son has always said that he didnt want siblings but knew that someday it would be a possibility. Well that someday came and I was very concerned about how he was going to feel. He is extremely special to me and I didnt want him to feel like things were going to change for him. As soon as we knew things were good with the pregnancy, we told him. I thought he was going to cry and it broke my heart. He was able to tell his best friends, which are now his cousins, and they were totally excited, that help change his view. That was all 2 weeks ago, and now he's excited.

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