wanting to be a SAHM

Cocobeee · August 2012

I haven't told DH this but I am contemplating something that he probably would not like.. I currently work full time and have a great job that I really do love, great co workers and boss. I feel like I'm the happiest I have been in my career. However, as I get closer to delivery, I would really like to go waitress at a restaurant a few nights a week instead of work full time, so I'll have more time with my LO. Has anyone else done this??

DH would not be happy because he is an extremely driven person and wants us both to excel in our careers.

Starry Again · August 2012

Plenty of people do this. That being said, you both need to be on board and figure out finances before you make the move. It will not work if he isn't supportive. But maybe once the baby arrives he will see how much work it is taking care of him/her and want to make it work. I would try to start living on his salary alone right now if possible to see the feasibility of your plan.

skysanchez · August 2012

Hi:) I worked in the restaurant biz for about 10 years...I had my son when I was 19 and began working there when he was about 1. I then had my daughter 5 years ago (bartended right up until due date). I can say I loved my job....HOWEVER, I am a SAHM now and never returned after baby girl.

There are pros: basically 2 shifts to pick from (a.m., p.m.), can be fun and good money.

But, the cons (for me) outweigh the pros: what seemed like a flexible schedule begins to take over. You do not get to leave when your shift is "done". There is a lot of work, taxing on the body and not a family-friendly atmosphere (even in the posh-iest of restaurants).

I completely understand wanting to be home more with LO but I'd say talk with hubby and pray...you seem to have a great job (from your words) and truth be told you may have more flexibilty with a company that you have worked with. The restaurant is a whole lifestyle...I met my husband there and we are now both out of it and own our own business (he's a personal chef)....it can drain a family quick.

I hope that wasn't too harsh...there really are awesome things about it. But they don't compare to stability and family values. Hope some of this helps...somehow. Best of Luck, I will be praying for an answer for you:)

JoNi2010 · August 2012

My mom put her career on hold for about 10 years for me and my brother. I think every now and then she would work part-time but for the most part she was SAHM with some side jobs. Now that I think back, I loved the undivided attention from her and loved that she was home when I got home from school.

I've also worked really hard to get where I am in my career. I am however the main breadwinner so SAHM is out of the question for me. But DH and I have been really talking about me doing part-time, and he is looking into the finances of that.

So I would say talk to your DH and look over your finances. You may be surprised by what your hubby has to say!

HarrietNJMommy · August 2012

I am a SAHM and have been every since my 1st was born. I don't do any other work though.

You and DH NEED to be on the same page though. You need to have a long talk with him about it if it's what you really want.

GL!

Mrs.RockyM · August 2012

Don't make any decisions just yet. I'd strongly suggest going back to work, and waiting a couple months before really making a decision to leave your job. Just becuase you're thinking you may want to stay home with your LO now, doesn't mean that when the time comes you'll really want to. If you have a great job that you love, with great coworkers, and you're happy in your career, why walk away from that? Flexible hours really go a long way, and for a lot of moms being a SAHM doesn't cut it.

I always thought I'd love being a SAHM, but towards the end of my maternity leave, I was itching to go back to work. I felt very fulfilled in my career and felt like being home with DD left me little time to be me. I was just DD's mom, and I needed more. Mommy and me activities cost money, most of my friends went back to work so there was nobody to hang out with, and I really did need some time to get out of the house to be with other adults. I can honestly say without a doubt that I 100% don't regret it. DD does great at daycare, and I don't feel like any less of a mommy for working because it helps us afford nice things we can do as a family. I always find a way to make it to the things at DD's school, even if I have to take LWOP - so I can still be involved in her life. There's ways to still have time wiht your LO, even as a working mommy.

irish city girl · August 2012

I have worked full time, part time and stayed at home in the short 2.5 years that DS has been around. I found that working part time is best for me. I am itching to go back to work. Could you possibly find a part time job in your field? That might appease your DH as well as you. That's what I'm planning on doing.

Cocobeee · August 2012

Thank you everyone. You have all really provided me with EXCELLENT feedback. DH and I do need to be on the same page. It's also nice to hear about the restaurant/ bar industry from you all that have done it. This is definitely a big decision.

nealbl · August 2012

A few things to think about. I would love to be SAHM but that is not in the finances for us at the time. DH would love for me to be one too, but we would have to live in shack with no cars and grow our own food!

I truly believe that having a SAHM does not work in every family. I am not talking financially, although that is a factor, but some couples just can't do it. I have seen the good and the bad of this. For some the husband starts to resent or feel like b/c he is making the money he has the control. It is not the husband trying to be mean but it just ends up that way. Sounds like your husband may be one to end up that way. Again not saying anything bad about him but if he is that drive and expects for you both to have a good career that may be hard on him.

I would def. have a sit down serious conversation about this and just at least let him know that it is something that you have been thinking about. He may be totally onboard and surprise you.

Also you may want to think about yourself too. It sounds like you are proud of where you are in your career. Would you be able to take a step back to waitressing(I am not knocking waitressing). However it sounds like it would be a step back for you.

Also I am one who wants to be home at night and wants my whole family home. I want us all to eat dinner together and be together as a family. It doesn't always happen but we strive for that on most nights. I could not be a waitress at night b/c of this. I want to be with DH as badly as I want to be with DD so I wouldn't want to be spenidng the nights away from him.

Anyway that is me and everyone is different. You guys just need to talk about what is best for your family Good Luck

valkyriemama · August 2012

I've been a working mom and I've been a SAHM since late 2003. I do not regret staying at home. We considered me working outside the home, but when we figured cost of GOOD child care, gas, work clothes, etc it seemed smarter for me to just stay home and space the kids close together until the kids were in school. I remember how exhausting it was to work all day and then have a baby at home. I missed a LOT of work when he was repeatedly sick. Now that I'm staying at home, we don't need to scramble for childcare when something comes up. The big thing is, if you plan to stay at home you need to think about your future plans. Will you always stay home, or will you reenter the workforce. If you're going to do that it's best to change what field you were working in for an easier transition back to work.

kmdoh77 · August 2012

If you qualify for FMLA with you current job I would wait until the middle/end of your maternity leave to make this decision. Your company has to hold your position for you anyway and it will give you time to see how you feel being at home. It will also give YH time to think about you going back to work. If you really like being at home at the end of your leave you could talk to your company about any flexibility (working from home, part time, adjusted hours, etc..)

lindsay.lou · August 2012

At this point, you have no idea if you want to be a SAHM, because you've never BEEN a SAHM. As my EDD neared with DS1, I started having the same thoughts (wanting to quit my teaching job and SAH). However, once DS1 was here and I was on maternity leave, I realized I was NOT cut out to be a SAHM. I love my son to death, but I missed my job, I was unfulfilled at home, and I felt like I could be a better mother if I worked outside the home. This is not everyone's experience. Lots of women are good at being SAHMs. I'm just not one of them. But I didn't know that until after my son was here.

briannaj731 · August 2012

DH and I just recently made this decision...

I was pretty much heart broken at the thought of it, but all set to return to work full time after my maternity leave (I only work 3 days a week right now) I was lucky enough to stay home with DS until he was 2 which was awesome.

But just last week DH and I had a long talk and think it would best for me to stay home with DD at least until she's 1. Money will be tight and we'll definitely have to do some budgeting but financially we'll get by and that is ok with us. Sure we won't be planning any Disney vacations anytime soon but we'll have what we need and that's enough for us right now.

There's no right or wrong thing to do here, you just need to find what works best for your family as a whole.

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