Do you still deal with jealousy over other pg announcements?

bananers · August 2012

Someone posted a FB announcement this morning that they are expecting, and my automatic reaction was to get jealous and block the person so I wouldn't have to deal with their updates (which is what I've been doing to all pregnant people for the past 9 months since my loss!)

And then I realized... wait a minute, I'm pregnant too. Why am I jealous? I should be happy for her and happy to have someone else to relate to.

Do you still get like this with other pregnancies? When does it go away? I don't like the bitter person I've become, even if I have earned the right to feel this way!

rkrichey · August 2012

I still get like that, even after having my first successful pg and with being pregnant again. It makes me feel kind of catty but I can't help it. I'm too nosy to actually block them, I just let it make me mad over and over again when they talk about their pregnancies. lol I guess it makes me mad b/c it seems like it comes so easily for other people or like they're taking it for granted. One girl on FB announced her pregnancy at 6 weeks. SIX WEEKS! Can you imagine? It did kind of put me in my place one time when I got irritated by an announcement. It was in the middle of my losses and it seemed like everyone was getting and staying pregnant besides me and I lost it and called my friend to vent about this girl we both knew being pregnant. She's better friends with her than I am and once I was done complaining, my friend said "Well, she probably wouldn't care if I told you, but she's lost a couple of babies too". Foot in mouth. I still get a little jealous with each announcement but I think of that every time I do. You never know what someone else has been through.

Petunia844 · August 2012

I do 100%. It's easier than it was, right after I lost my son I couldn't look at or talk to other pregnant women really.... now I can talk to them and sort of pretend to be excited. I'm still totally jealous though because I feel like they will just get to bring their baby home. It's not fair to me that this is my second pregnancy and yet I don't have my first son with me. I hope it will go away... but I'm honestly not sure if it will. I'm bitter that some people just have it so easy.

skye83 · August 2012

At 33w I still get like that. Not that I'm jealous o their pregnancy but that I'm jealous of their carefree attitude towards it. I wish I could still be that naive.

Eveanyn · August 2012

I still do to a certain point, unless I know it's someone who's struggled as well, or someone with whom I'm pretty close.

rkrichey:
I still get like that, even after having my first successful pg and with being pregnant again. It makes me feel kind of catty but I can't help it. I'm too nosy to actually block them, I just let it make me mad over and over again when they talk about their pregnancies. lol I guess it makes me mad b/c it seems like it comes so easily for other people or like they're taking it for granted. One girl on FB announced her pregnancy at 6 weeks. SIX WEEKS! Can you imagine? It did kind of put me in my place one time when I got irritated by an announcement. It was in the middle of my losses and it seemed like everyone was getting and staying pregnant besides me and I lost it and called my friend to vent about this girl we both knew being pregnant. She's better friends with her than I am and once I was done complaining, my friend said "Well, she probably wouldn't care if I told you, but she's lost a couple of babies too". Foot in mouth. I still get a little jealous with each announcement but I think of that every time I do. You never know what someone else has been through.

This is very true. Most people don't know about my first loss, so some people could think that I've breezed through my first pregnancy and be jealous of me. Only those people I'm close with know that I've had a loss.

Mmm79 · August 2012

I totally get it. For me, there are different reason. 1) I am kind of jealous that they've made it to the point where they can announce (typically 12-14 weeks). I'm currently 10 weeks, so maybe that will go away when I get to that point? 2) Sometimes it just seems so easy for other people. They want a baby and BOOM, they're pregnant with a healthy baby. I have felt differently when I know it's someone who has had difficulties. When my friend called me to tell me about her pregnancy a few weeks back I was genuinely happy for her as she and her husband have been trying for almost two years. 3) I think it awakens that fear I have that it will never be me.

littlemaybaby · August 2012

Yes, I absolutely do.

1) I am jealous that they are comfortable enough to announce "already" - which is almost always sometime in first tri. I have not been comfortable enough to FB announce yet.

2) I am jealous because I feel like just about everyone I know who announces, by default ends up with a healthy baby in 9 months. And I'm still not convinced that's going to be me.

Is it rational? No. But it still happens to me a lot.

DarlingNIkki1028 · August 2012

I'm with you. Even before we started trying, I got jealous that they were already at a place that they could try to get pregnant, and then after my loss, I had such a hard time seeing everyone's updates. I'm happy for them, but I'm so jealous it seems to come so easy. I know I can never be sure what they've been through before making this announcement, but I remember one girl who had a baby in December announced her pregnancy when she was like 5 or 6 weeks, something I'd NEVER think of doing. I'm waiting till 14 weeks, so I'll hopefully be in the safe zone, but it still terrifies me that something will happen after that. Honestly, if it did, I'd probably have to delete my Facebook and hibernate from the world.

pamiva1 · August 2012

I totally understand, but try to remember that you don't know everyone's story. It's not an easy road for many people, even when you assume it is. I know many of my friends have struggled with either miscarriages or infertility and one would never know because they don't talk about it. Keeping that in mind does help me to be excited about every baby, but I know it's hard at times.

jbranden12 · August 2012

Yes. I am jealous of the carefree attitude I project onto them, though I try to tell myself that I don't know what they've been through. Like PPs, I also think it comes from fear. I was pregnant with lots of women last time who got to bring home their babies when I didn't. Though I don't want anyone to lose their babies, I find myself thinking that if something bad has to happen to one of us (statistics), I hope it's them and not me. If I know they have had a loss, I feel differently, but no one I know has openly shared a loss history.

I just reread this and it sounds awful, but it is how I feel right now. I hope the jealousy will fade, but I don't know that it will because at no point will I feel safe.

Petunia844 · August 2012

jbranden12:
I just reread this and it sounds awful, but it is how I feel right now. I hope the jealousy will fade, but I don't know that it will because at no point will I feel safe.

It may sound awful but you aren't alone. I hate hearing about other pregnancies because I think something horrible like "oh no, this is too many for them all to come home" It's a horrible super sh*tty thing, but how can we not think it?

damabo80 · August 2012

I still get the FH jealously pangs unless it's someone I know who struggled with IF or loss.
But now, I only hide if I think they are going to be a huge annoying AW posting belly pics and updates every week.

big_noise · August 2012

skye83:
At 33w I still get like that. Not that I'm jealous o their pregnancy but that I'm jealous of their carefree attitude towards it. I wish I could still be that naive.

This except I'm no where near 33w. I don't even think it's jealousy for me. I wasn't naive with my first, successful pregnancy. The naivety kind of drives me insane. I still have a hard time looking at pregnant women but I do wonder if they struggled to get where they are at, which helps me be ok with it. But yeah, I can't talk about anyone getting KU easily who hasn't been through a loss/takes it for granted, etc. Actually, in the past week I've found out by accident that two friends of friends are pregnant. My two friends didn't tell me and I appreciate that they just didn't blab that so and so is pregnant, esp. b/c both of these people are having their second, which is even harder for me.

melly918 · August 2012

I am not jealous of any pregnant FB friends now. In fact there is one I like to poke fun of with DH because this woman is so stupid. She had a stillborn baby 18 years ago that she still talks about and yet she announced her pg at six weeks! She has two healthy kids and she starts going on about how she feels like crap, the horribly mis-spelled names she is already working on for boy or girl, and trying to sell her 4-year-old GMC Acadia for something bigger. And she is just 8 weeks now. Slow down!

Eveanyn · August 2012

daylights1:

Honestly, I get annoyed with facebook. I think announcements are overdone and they get old after awhile. It isn't that I don't genuinely care for most of them. Also, some of them post with such ease and I wish I had that attitude about my pregnancy.

I still don't even know if I'm going to make an announcement on FB. I think we may post our Christmas card photo which will probably have my bump in it. But, I really don't know.

Part of me wants to remove facebook from my life all together. But, I communicate with my brother and his girlfriend a lot through it. I have thought about deleting even more people but I feel like there is a networking aspect of it and I have a lot of co-workers and former co-workers on it. I also have a lot of family members who ask for photos of my DD so that is an easy way to share them.

I deleted my facebook and it was one of the most rewarding things I've done for my life in terms of reducing stress, drama, etc. I highly recommend it to anyone on the fence about keeping facebook.

rayofsunshine99 · August 2012

littlemaybaby:
Yes, I absolutely do.
1) I am jealous that they are comfortable enough to announce "already" - which is almost always sometime in first tri. I have not been comfortable enough to FB announce yet.
2) I am jealous because I feel like just about everyone I know who announces, by default ends up with a healthy baby in 9 months. And I'm still not convinced that's going to be me.
Is it rational? No. But it still happens to me a lot.

All of this.

benoitfan · August 2012

Personally, I never really got stabby about those announcements, but I am coming at this from a very different place than alot of you. I was lucky enough to take home a baby first time out and I think that gives me a different perspective. I remember what is was like to be naive, pg and over the moon excited, just like all the others who have never been down the loss road.

Then, I got pg easily again the 2nd time, only to have a missed m/c at 11w. I was devastated. My sister was also pg at the time and due exactly 3m before I was. It was tough. I was happy for her (she suffered a loss with her first pg at 8w) and at the same time I was jealous. She totally got it though, as she suffered her loss a few months before we got pg with DS#1.

After I got this BFP, I never really got upset about other pg announcements. Now FB whores who find in necessary to post every symptom/event/milestone, etc, well that's another thing and it does annoy me, but I dislike when people give you a general play-by-play of their life on FB as it is. I don't need to know when you rolled out of bed or what you ate for dinner every night this week, you know?

Chocodoxies · August 2012

I actually got off of FB because I couldn't take anymore announcements. After four years of IF, and four miscarriages I couldn't take anymore. I still get annoyed at women on TB who feel the need to post asking for tips on how to announce their pregnancy/gender/movement/bowel habits. Seriously? Just post your going to have a baby and then MOVE ON! Deep down I do wish I still had that naive optimism that I had with my first before I miscarried. I feel like my happiness died with my baby in some ways.

Chocodoxies · August 2012

Petunia844:
jbranden12:
I just reread this and it sounds awful, but it is how I feel right now. I hope the jealousy will fade, but I don't know that it will because at no point will I feel safe.
It may sound awful but you aren't alone. I hate hearing about other pregnancies because I think something horrible like "oh no, this is too many for them all to come home" It's a horrible super sh*tty thing, but how can we not think it?

Petunia is so right, you are not alone! The day I woke up and felt my baby leave me I was just destroyed. I hopped on to FB to get my mind on anything else and the top post was a HS friend who was announcing her pregnancy at 5 weeks!! I curled in a ball and cried for an hour, then I never logged back in. My first thought was, "Oh God! I hope she doesn't have to announce a miscarriage!". I am never that negative, and I realized that I didn't want feel like that person, even if those thoughts were there, every time I was on that stupid site. Adios Facebook.

weddedwife · August 2012

I don't get jealous so much as annoyed. Facebook just annoys me now. People are so shallow and stupid. I hate the profile pics that are like, "Hey, look how awesome/hot/crazy I am". I don't care what you are eating for dinner, where you are going tonight, what you harvested from your garden today. I also hate people bragging about the things they bought- cars, toys, etc. that they financed (which is stupid IMO). Yeah, facebook is kind of ruined for me now.

After we lost our baby last year I had to block everyone who was pregnant, had a newborn, etc. Just couldn't take it. I knew 8 people on there who were pregnant at the same time I was. This time, there's only 1; at least one that I know of. We are friends IRL and her mom also lost a baby at 5 months so I kind of wonder at her naive optimism, but I can't begrudge it. I do wish she would STFU about every little thing tho. Embarrassed But she's kind of one of those people who posts "yay me" stuff about just about everything so it goes with the territory.

My loss gave me a different perspective on life in general and I just don't care about all the stupid stuff that goes on there. It's ridiculous. Part of it stems from being in such a dark place and seeing people post about such insipid things thinking, "How can life go on for them while mine is so awful right now?" and part of it is a true realization about what's important in life- and pretty much nothing people post about on FB is.

ala_1220 · August 2012

Yep!!! A girl I work with got her BFP on Saturday and told her whole family the same day. Then starting announcing at work Monday. She is already asking me for my maternity clothes. She is also already annoying everyone else. One lady thanked me for not being the "annoying pregnant lady".

I get jealous at the ease some people get pregnant and them being so nieve. I have tried to enjoy this pregnancy, but it's so hard when you worry every single day.

Frappuccino Love · August 2012

How crazy I was actually thinking about this very thing today in the shower! I think all of us on this board are just ultra aware of how fast something can be taken away at any millisecond. I swear it just feels like my pregnant friends or pregnant facebook friends are just throwing it in my face they are pregnant with a healthy baby. I feel so irrational. Even though I'm 17 weeks Thur I just feel like its still too good to be true.

I'm not even facebook official mainly because my husband's cousin lost her baby in March at 15 weeks and I just can't figure out a way to do it. She was going to be due a month after I was and I swear I feel like she was just flaunting it throwing it in my face. I know that is just probably not true though.

mijakach · August 2012

I still get the same way sometimes. It's not that I'm jealous of them being pregnant. I'm jealous that they're able to announce. It makes me feel like they know they're going to have a baby, while I still sometimes wonder if I will actually take my baby home. At 24 weeks, I still haven't announced on FB and probably never will. So when I see girls announce and then put constant status updates about their pregnancy, it makes me jealous that they have that confidence.

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