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Multiples
My family is not excited . . .
After a day of shock, DH and I decided to tell our parents about our double news. I really needed someone else to talk to about my feelings of panic and worry. I think my mom may have been more worried about me as I was crying talking to her, but my dad was less than thrilled.
Just this past weekend he was visiting my sister, who is TTC #2. Of course he didn't know our news at the time, but he told her she was crazy for having a second with two parents working full time. He said it just seemed like too much. Now here we are having #2 and #3!
When my mom told him about us (I couldn't tell him after hearing what he had said to my sister), all he could say was "I guess we'll have to go out there and help."
Now mind you, DH and I both have stable full-time jobs making six figures. But, we live in a very high cost of living area and I cannot afford to SAH. I make about triple the cost of daycare for three kids. We've talked about moving, but finding a job elswhere right now isn't easy. Plus, we have job security in our current positions. It would be very difficult to give that up.
On the flip side, DH's family is thrilled.
Did anyone else's family not seem excited? Do you think they were just shocked and worried like you?
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Re: My family is not excited . . .
First, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! Twins are a blessing! My husband and I are expecting twins in February. My MIL is very nervous (she's never held a baby or changed a diaper (she's a step-mom), but she's still happy for us! My parents and sisters are very supportive. I'm glad your husbands family is happy and excited for your family! Concentrate on that! LOL
Your family will come around, they're probably most worried about you and want things to be easier for you. Which multiples aren't easy, but it's a whole lot more love to share in your home! Once they see you and your husband have it covered, they will be more supportive. Give them time, I'm sure you may have had apprehensions at first as well.
I have had severl people ask me, are you sure you're ready for that? I just smile and tell them we can't wait! That usually puts THEM at ease, and maybe thankful it's not them. LOL
Keep your smiles bright and your hearts open. Your family will come around, it just may take them until the second or third trimester.
We video taped my dad when we told him, and his reaction didn't surprise me. He was like, I guess I can never retire. I know that he is excited and it just was a complete shock to him. He is telling everyone the news now and you can tell he is happy. That being said, I kind of knew how he'd react so it didn't hurt my feelings.
I would give your dad a little while to let the news sink in and see if his feelings change.
I'm in the same boat as you. Both of us make 6 figs living in an extremely expensive area. Day care for 3 kids here equal to 2/3 of my salary. Housing here is almost 1 salary. We can't move anywhere else because we just bought a house and our job and family live here.
We found out we were pregnant with twins when our daughter was 9 months old. When we told our family they were not thrilled. My sister in law said "omg ur crazy". Others said good luck. My in laws didn't say anything but smile.
I'm on bed rest now. They all come by to bring us food bc my DH can't cook. We have to hire a nanny to take care of my daughter since my parents and in laws still work.
I won't worry much about what they think. We're not here to get their approval or ask for their help. If they want to help that's great. If not, I'm sure we'll manage. So many moms on here have no family support around and they manage just fine. I think we'll do just fine.
We live in NOVA as well!!! Crazy what it takes around here!!
It may change when the babies arrive. It's harder to be excited about abstract grandbabies than tangible, adorable ones.
My H's family wasn't excited right away, more like completely shocked, but now they are so, so supportive and shower my girls with love.
My dad was definitely concerned and didn't seem very excited when I told him the news, versus my mom who practically jumped for joy through the phone.
I think there is something ingrained in dads of girls that never goes away, that need to protect us and keep us safe and secure, etc. It's very likely that your dad realizes you will be facing a few extra challenges to both your health and your lifestyle, and he's worried for you. Give him time to realize that even with the extra risks, this really is a double blessing. He will come around.
1st--Congratulations!!!!
People's reactions will surprise you, and sometimes not. I'm generally a very empathetic person, but being pregnant with multiples has taught me that people do and say some very stupid/nosey things. It took me WEEKS to be happy about my own triplets, my family was happy from the beginning. Everyone reacts in their own way--I'd just make sure you and DH are communicating well and ignore everyone else.
Aslo, although NOVA is ridiculously expensive, its super that you and DH have high paying jobs that day care wont be a problem for. Its no one's business what you plan to do, but if might make your family feel more relaxed if you let them know financially you'll be OK and don't expect anything from them except love for their new grandbabies.
Again, CONGRATS! And welcome. This board is great.