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Single Parents
How Should I Handle My Situation?
Im 17..and i got pregnant when i was 16...when i got pregnant my bd wasnt mad,but when it came to me making a decision to keep it or not is when it became a problem..at first i was so sure i wanted an abortion..up until the day before my appointment.he had given me the money for it already an then out of no where i changed my mind..i never believed in abortions an my mom had assured me she was going to help me,being that she got pregnant at the same age.
In the beginning of the pregnancy everything was fine..then all of a sudden things changed.he stopped coming around as much..if i wanted to see him he would make an excuse that hes working or something..now im 36 weeks pregnant and we dont even talk..all because i stopped having sex with him due to the fact that he had given me chlamydia when i was three months..whenever i have an appointment my mom would deal with him. we have to constantly threaten him with child support which gets annoying! Idk what to do. I dont have feelings for him anymore due to his attitude and ways butwhat am i supposed to tell my daughter when she asks me where her father is?? how do i explain something so diffficult to her!? HELP!
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Re: How Should I Handle My Situation?
Have you considered giving her to a family that can't have children? She would have a mother and father to love her, and most likely they can provide a more financially stable home for her. This would allow you to grow up, get an education, and stop the cycle of fatherless children that you mentioned above. It's the most selfless and amazing gift you can give to someone, the gift of being parents. And what a loving thing to do for your daughter, give her the family that you never had. Please lurk on the adoption and TTC and give it some serious thought. Best of luck to you!
Unfortunately, you cannot force someone to be a good parent. If he doesn't want to be involved, don't make him be. Give your DD your last name, and honestly, I wouldn't put BD on the BC if he doesn't want to be involved. Of course, if you want CS from him you will have to establish paternity and he will be put on the BC. You just have to weigh your options. Talk to an attorney.
Regarding what PP said. If adoption is something YOU are considering, then, sure, talk to people, lurk on the adoption board, maybe post and ask some questions. If you want to keep your DD, then you should. Of course, know what a long and hard road it is to be a single teenage mother (even with your mother's help), and that the statistics are not in your favor (i.e. daughters of teenage mom's are 22% more likely than their peers to become teenage mothers & only 1.5% of teen mothers get a college degree by age 30.) Of course, you can defy all the odds and be a great mother!
Best of luck to you, and it seems like your mother will be a great support to you.
My little girl is going to grow up in the same boat as yours... I have put together a scrap book with a picture of her dad and a brief description of who he is and what information I know about him. She will always have that book and if she so decides later down the road to find him, she can. I will just explain to her that mommy loves her no matter what and even though daddy wasn't ready to be a parent at that time that she is no less loved and cared for.
Its all I can do really.
GL... I know its not easy.
thanks to all for the advice. but i cant finish school at a regular school. im finishing online because i want to graduate on time and if i stay at regular on campus school i will finish a year late. and i plan to go to the military to make a better life for my daughter. adoption has not been an option for me because i cant see myself giving my daughter away. i have fell in love with her from the time i found out i was pregnant.
When it comes to my bd i could care less about wat he does and i dont want anything from him. but my mom feels he should be on child support because its his baby too. i trust my moms opinion when it comes to alot because she has been through alot in her life.
Chances are in the beginning the baby will be on state assistance for medical care--unless your mom can put him/her on her insurance. And if so the state will go after the father for child support even if you don't do anything about it.
Either way, he needs to be paying child support b/c he contributed. I've been in a very similar situation before. I promise you, it gets better. Keep the focus on making a better life for the two of you and you'll both be just fine.
Kids these days have so many different family situations that unless you make a big deal out of it it will most likely be many many years before your baby realizes that there isn't a daddy around.
And one of these days you are going to meet a man who will love your child like his own. They do exist. Just be patient. GL.