Going Crazy Here..

crene84 · August 2012

So, we still have not heard a thing from the BM that I talked to Wednesday night. A quick recap, she e-mailed last Sunday, then nothing again until Wednesday. On Wed we had a few e-mails back and forth and then had a great conversation on the phone for an hour and a half.

I just don't know what to think. I definitely agree she needs to take her time making this decision but she told me she'd let me know either way what she decides..and she's potentially due any day now. She also said she wanted this to go as smoothly as possible (as do I) so I'm trying to do all the prep work in case she chooses us..and she said she hasn't been able to find anyone that meets her criteria like we do.

I just can't stand analyzing why she hasn't gotten back to us..trying to figure out if we're still in the running or if she's just never going to contact us again. Just needed to vent.. Sad

BostonLove11 · August 2012

Sorry you haven't heard from her yet. Did you try to arrange an in person meeting? Our attorney said it was a good idea to to that as soon as you talk to a potential birth mom.

crene84 · August 2012

BostonLove11:
Sorry you haven't heard from her yet. Did you try to arrange an in person meeting? Our attorney said it was a good idea to to that as soon as you talk to a potential birth mom.

Yea, she said she had Sunday and Tuesday off so we thought we'd drive out there one of those days but since we haven't heard anything, who knows..She has two sides to her. One side, she is not very responsive and doesn't want to get too involved in this child's life. On the other hand, she is making sure to pick the "right" couple and acts like she is so happy to talk and to meet, and she said she can answer questions through e-mail and phone calls quickly, yet she never answers her phone and hasn't contacted us since Wednesday night. It's very strange..

DaisyZH · August 2012

I'm sorry, that is so hard. It is a huge decision so she may just want to make sure that she's taking her time and maybe talking to her friends and family about it. There's really nothing you can do at this point unfortunately but wait Sad

. My thoughts and prayers are with you and with her and I hope you hear from her very soon!!

amm78 · August 2012

We are working with an agency, so I'm not sure how things work with a private adoption, but does your attorney do things for you like get proof of pregnancy from an expectant mom before you get too far into a relationship with her?

We've dealt with probably 20 or so women who claimed to be expectant moms considering adoption, but they weren't. I'm not saying that this is the case with this particular woman, but I think it's important to be guarded and to get the help and opinion of your adoption professional before you do too much preparation.

crene84 · August 2012

amm78:
We are working with an agency, so I'm not sure how things work with a private adoption, but does your attorney do things for you like get proof of pregnancy from an expectant mom before you get too far into a relationship with her?
We've dealt with probably 20 or so women who claimed to be expectant moms considering adoption, but they weren't. I'm not saying that this is the case with this particular woman, but I think it's important to be guarded and to get the help and opinion of your adoption professional before you do too much preparation.

One of the downsides to going through an attorney is that he does not get involved doing anything with a BP until I give him the green light, at which point his time is billable. Until now, he's been giving me free advice, but hasn't charged me anything. I feel very strongly that this woman is not a scam because we actually found her twitter and FB account and then she sent us pictures, which confirmed, she was who we thought she was. She's also sent pictures of her daughter and I found the BF's twitter. I just wish I knew if she was still considering us and is just too busy to keep in touch regularly or if she's chosen a different route.

amm78 · August 2012

Just wanted to put out some friendly advice that this can be a really heartbreaking process when you end up dealing with people who aren't who they say they are. I do have my fingers and toes crossed that this is a good match for you and that everything works out!

silliestbunny · August 2012

amm78:
Just wanted to put out some friendly advice that this can be a really heartbreaking process when you end up dealing with people who aren't who they say they are. I do have my fingers and toes crossed that this is a good match for you and that everything works out!

I do hope that this is it for you and things turn out well... but I agree w/amm... be cautious. In reading your posts, I do have concerns that she isn't ready to make a decision for reasons other than trying to find the right couple.

I hope for happy news for you

crene84 · August 2012

silliestbunny:
amm78:
Just wanted to put out some friendly advice that this can be a really heartbreaking process when you end up dealing with people who aren't who they say they are. I do have my fingers and toes crossed that this is a good match for you and that everything works out!

I do hope that this is it for you and things turn out well... but I agree w/amm... be cautious. In reading your posts, I do have concerns that she isn't ready to make a decision for reasons other than trying to find the right couple.

I hope for happy news for you

I understand needing to be cautious, but this particular woman hasn't asked for any money (except for medical once she goes into labor) and she claims her family, including children, and coworkers don't even know she's pregnant (she's been wearing baggy clothing). I have no doubt she is going to place this child for adoption, but I just am not sure if she's still considering us anymore or not.

Thanks for all your advice!

amm78 · August 2012

crene84:

I understand needing to be cautious, but this particular woman hasn't asked for any money (except for medical once she goes into labor) and she claims her family, including children, and coworkers don't even know she's pregnant (she's been wearing baggy clothing). I have no doubt she is going to place this child for adoption, but I just am not sure if she's still considering us anymore or not.
Thanks for all your advice!

Asking for money right away can sometimes be a sign of a scammer. But, keep in mind that there are scammers that don't have financial motives, but are emotional scammers. Again, not saying that this is the case with this particular woman, but with everything that my husband and I have been through during our adoption wait, I can't help but put out that warning whenever the subject comes up.

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