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September 2012 Moms
tinyhumantoe
member
WWYD?
tinyhumantoe
member
A group of girlfriends would like to have a "last dinner" get-together before babies arrive. They want to do it when I'm 38w and my friend is 32w. It is a 1.5h drive for me and they want to do it on a weekday after work.
I have felt so awful the past week that I've decided I'm done with social plans. I am also not comfortable driving that far at 38w.
I mentioned this to my friend due 6w after me. She said, "Honey, you're pregnant. You're not handicapped! I hate when people use that as an excuse."
Well.... she's pretty "knowledgeable" 
for a FTM who's never experienced 38w of pregnancy. I felt pretty damn good at 30w and did tons of social stuff. Now I feel miserable. A lot changed in 6 weeks! Every pregnancy is different.
So....................
1. Would you go?
2. Am I awful for secretly wishing all of the most uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms on my pregnant friend? 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD?
Um....holy smokes!
1. NO! I would not go! I made a deal with myself that I wasn't going to do ANYTHING I wasn't 100% comfortable with. So, if you're slightly uncomfortable driving, I wouldn't go!
2. Nope, don't feel bad! I would wish them on her too! Haha! How insensitive of her!
1. No way. 1.5 hour drive? Sounds like suckfest USA. Not to mention there is a HUGE difference between 32w and 38w. I wouldn't respond to the handicap thing. She'll learn soon enough, and if she doesn't, she must fart glitter for being up for social events at 38w PG.
2. Absolutely not.
Harper Grace 08.31.12 Sibling Expected 08.30.15
Aug 2015 - January Siggy Challenge - Fav mean girl from TV/Film
Ellie from CougarTown
I personally wouldn't go. I'm uncomfortable to the point where I'm dreading going to my niece's birthday party on Wednesday, and they live 10 minutes away.
I definitely do not think you're awful. My sister has some laundry list of complaints every time I'm around her. Last week, she was complaining that she was tired, and her back hurt...from PMS. And THEN told me that she was going to love being pregnant. I plan to remind her of this someday.
Can they do it closer? I'd do it if it was 45min or less away.
And, just tell your friend that your OB doesn't want you traveling more than an hour away after 37w. Who cares if it's true or not.
BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12
FWIW, I totally agree with the phrase "you're pregnant not handicapped" BUT I completely agree with you on this one.
1. I'd pull the "just you wait and see" on your friend.
2. Ask them to meet halfway. It's not great, but I could sit in a car for 45 minutes a lot better than 1 1/2 hours. Or ask to do it on a weekend (still would suck, but not as bad if you weren't at work all day).
3. Wish all the worst pg symptoms on your friend (but that's coming from a cranky pregnant woman, who also wants to make zero social plans for the next few weeks).
Big Kid Jan 2010
Littlest Man Sept 2012
This. I would not be driving that whole way! Plus, I would be irritated that I was expected to drive that far when you're way more uncomfortable than she is. I have a feeling that she will be telling you how much she understands where you were coming from when she hits the last couple weeks!
If your not feeling up to it, dont go. I sure wouldnt! lol
There are some days when I have energy to burn and others where I'm just miserable so I completely understand and I'm not as far along as you! You know your body and what your OK with, so stick to that. It's not an excuse, its your comfort level.
And no your not awful for secretly wishing that lol Maybe then she'll understand what you were talking about
There's really nothing in between. A *little* part of me wonders why they can't meet in my city for dinner since I'm so far along, but it's not my deal so I thought nicely declining would be sufficient!
1) I'd probably go if we could meet up halfway... but 1.5 hours in the car each way after a long day at work doesn't sound appealing at all.
2) Nah.
1. I'd be okay with traveling that far right now, but if I wasn't, then no, I wouldn't go. End of story. It sounds like you're feeling pretty rough, so going will probably make you miserable! Edit: Considering that they want you to travel that far after a long day at work in the middle of the work week? Pass. I wouldn't go even if I felt fine.
2. Nope, not really. Not after her comment. But don't worry...she probably will soon learn the discomforts associated with the "any day now" stage of pregnancy! lol
Hehehe! I totally agree with you on that! It would be 11 or 12 by the time I'd get home!
Thanks for the advice ladies!
Now I'm off to bake a dish for a freaking pot luck "Ladies Night" with a group of in-town friends. I also DECLINED this one last week, but they texted my husband last night and told him to be sure I come because they bought me a cake. FFS! I told them last Wed that it was my last outing for my pregnancy (yes, there was a ladies night last Wed, and another one today... bit much I think). I really wish I could project my symptoms onto others haha!
I'm going to start telling people I'm on bed rest!
I hate driving to the store, there is no way I would want to drive 1.5 hours. There is a huge difference in 6 weeks at this point. Your friend wont understand until she is at 38 weeks.
I would do what PP said, say that your ob wont let you be farther than an hour away.
I would tell her that if she is still feeling so well, then she can drive her ace 1.5 miles to have dinner in your town.
Att this point, I don't go more than 20 mins from the house without DH. I need the support both physically and mentally.
In that case I'd probably tell them it is too far for you to travel that late into your pregnancy, blame it on your OB if you have to. After telling them I'd probably see if they brought up moving it to my town, and of not I'd just let it go and miss it.
There's a huge difference between 32 and 38 weeks!!!! I would decline because driving 180 mins on a weekday is too much!!! When your friend makes it to 38 weeks and complains about how uncomfortable she is, you should totally throw out the "you're pg not handicapped" line.
Yeah....no.
1. Meet halfway. There is no reason why you should do all the driving.
2. True, pregnancy is not a handicap, but there are things which need to be done and things that can be done during this time. Dinner dates fall into the 'can be done' category. So that just means....it's up to you. Nobody else.
3. I would wish on her horrible constipation, a nervous bladder and sciatica pain. Let's see how far she wants to drive with those.
4. I would pull the 'just wait' on her too. And then tell her about point 3 very openly.
Don't feel pressured to do anything you do not want to do. Enjoy the time you have left where you can do what you feel like instead of totally be catering to someone else. (a cute, tiny someone. But they have no mercy!)
I would tell them no, my Dr. wouldn't let me drive about 1.5 hours away this weekend. I would also tell the 32 week pregnant friend to kiss my a$$! But that's just me.
And why do you have to do all the driving, my friends would come to me.
Oh man! Yeah, I agree that pregnancy isn't a handicap but not wanting to travel 1.5 hrs after work when you're at 38weeks isn't pulling ANY SORT of pregnancy card. If you don't feel up to it, don't go. Given the 1.5hr drive, I doubt I'd go. Maybe if it were closer (30 minutes tops) then I would see.
As for your 30wk pregnant friend, well, I'd say just give her a few weeks and see if she apologizes. ;p
Sometimes, I'm hilarious.
I'm 38 weeks today... and I'll tell you - at 37 weeks I was iffy on driving an hour and a half to go see my BFF's newborn. Went anyway because I happened to feel ok that day... but what changed my mind about taking any more driving trips like that was the bumper to bumper traffic for 2 hours on the way back
...there is NO way I would have been able to do that had I not been feeling as good as I was that day (thank goodness).
I would try to meet them somewhere closer. Even not pregnant, I wouldn't want to drive 3 hours after work just for dinner.
If it really isn't an option to meet closer or on a weekend, I would probably go. But only if you really like these girls and don't get a chance to see them often.
You are not evil for wishing bad things on that know-it-all. I will wish ugly stretch marks, huge kankles, and horrid heartburn on her too.
I am totally in this boat. The more pregnant person should be catered to at this point. I think it's crap that they aren't offering to come to you at this point.
Not with their rude attitude, no, thank you!
If they're making the effort to have this one last night out before YOU become a mommy, then I would think they would make more effort to accomodate YOUR needs. It all doesn't even make sense to me - like they're including you, but then making it difficult for you to even attend.
Even if I was on the fence about going b/c it was 1.5 hrs away, after hearing those comments from your "friends", that would definitely make up my mind not to go. F that.
I think I'll ignore the turdy pregnant friend's call for a week or two. Her comments really chapped my azz!
Also, 32 weeks =/= 38. She will kick herself when she hits 38 weeks!
Liam Dean | 09.11.12 | 6lbs 13oz