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If you've written up a will
Sorry, I don't want to be a Debby Downer but ever since DH and I left DS with my parents for a week, I've been thinking that we need to (should have done it long before) get a will drawn up in case we to die. ?Where do I start???Do DH and I do a seperate one incase one of goes before the other, or together in case we pass together like in an accident. ?I HATE thinking about this, but I want my son to be in great hands. ?Did you DH agree about who the child would go with. ?DH and I agree to give my parents the gaurdianship but in case they can't cause of age, death or health reasons, we need to agree on the next person. ?Any tips or pointers about starting this process?
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Re: If you've written up a will
DH and I have wills. I definitely recommend using a lawyer, to make sure the will is legal in your state.
You and your DH each need to have your own will. Within your wills will be a "disaster clause" that says what will happen to your child(ren) if both of you pass.
We also have trusts set up within our wills.
Our attorney also drew up powers of attorney and medical directives for us at the same time.
We did agree on the guardian, but determining a trustee was hard for us.
We finished our will this summer. I think we did one will but it says if I go first the kids obviously go to him and all my assets go to him. Same if he goes first. If we both go at the same time, the kids go to my parents if they are willing and able. If they can't they go to my BIL/SIL. God help us if that happens.
There's so many other things involved in the whole process besides who gets the kids. There's the managing of the trust fund and other things I cannot remember!
We used the lawyer who helped us buy our house. He's a family attorney so he does it all!
Good luck! It's not fun but def. something that has to be done.
DH and I have wills, which we did ourselves. My father is a very saavy business/financial person who until he sold his last company had lawyers on payroll and his advice to me was that it would be perfectly sufficient to do it ourselves because our situation is not complicated. If you google your state and sample will, you can find sample documents. DH and I will most likely have a lawyer draw one up at some point in the future, once we are done having children, etc, to specify trusts and some more complicated things.
I wasn't sure about the protocol either, but you each have a will. Generally speaking, you'll name each other the sole beneficiaries and your children equally as beneficiaries should your spouse pre-decease you. Ours is generic because we are not done having children so it says all of our children, including any we adopt, etc - however my father's will names my brother and i each by name and i think SSN.
I have also read recommendations that you should not make a couple the guardian because it could potentially cause complications if they were to divorce or one were to be deceased. As a result, I believe we put three options - first my mom, if she pre-deceases DH and I then second my dad, third my father in law. My mom and dad are still married but I guess it would alleviate any potential issue were one of my parents to have died prior to DH's and my death and we included FIL just in case DH and I were to die together with my parents or something like that. We also appointed a conservator. In our case it made sense for my parents to also serve as conservators (did the same thing as above) - some might recommend separating the money from care of kid, but we trust my folks 110% so did not see it as any type of issue. Also executor of your estate. My dad is mine and DH's dad is his. We had two witnesses sign and also had them notarized.
If we thought that there would be any type of issues or disputes, we may have gone to a lawyer to begin with, but for us we just wanted the peace of mind that we have wills and wanted them done quickly. HTH.