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Should I tell my estranged sister I'm pregnant? Drama heavy

marionravenwoodmarionravenwood member
in February 2013 Moms

My sister stopped talking to me over a year ago (although if you ask her I stopped talking to HER) and now my mom and aunt are incessantly nagging me to call her and tell her I'm pregnant.

Here's the problem, I think my sister is wackadoo crazy and a MAJOR drama queen and I really don't know if I want her in LO's life.  I'm afraid if I call her that'll let HER back into my life.

Let me give you a few examples of the crazy stuff she's done:  1) When I picked a bridesmaid dress she hated we got into a huge fight and she unfriended me on Facebook and changed her phone number.  She didn't talk to me until a month before the wedding at which time she asked to be put back in it.  I put her in against my best judgement.  2) In college she would repeatedly lock herself in the bathroom and scream "I'm going to take these pills and kill myself!"  3) She doesn't speak to my father or my aunt and she stopped talking to my mom for two years a few years back.  4) Now that she's not speaking to me she keeps trying to convince my mom that my mom also should not speak to me.  She's threatened to stop speaking to my mom (again) if she calls me/visits me/etc.

I have made attempts to patch things up over the past year.  I sent her birthday and christmas cards and called a few times, but honestly at this point I'm not sure I want anything to do with her.

So would you even bother telling her (even by e-mail or a card) and if so how do I keep her role limited?  If I don't tell her how do I keep my mom and aunt from nagging me to death. I feel really bad about the whole thing, but I feel like she's an unhealthy person for my LO to be around.  Has anyone had similar experiences?

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Re: Should I tell my estranged sister I'm pregnant? Drama heavy

  • ktrumpatoriktrumpatori

    So, I have a crazy friend who pulls a lot of the same stunts your sister seems to be pulling.  Lots of drama, all the time.  I ended up getting sick of it and basically severed ties (this girl was my maid of honor in my wedding, so she was like a sister). 

    BUT.... that said, you are dealing with family.  I think the best way to go about it, in a way to sort of appease your mom and aunt, is to just send her a card or an email with the news.  After that, it's not your problem.  And, if it were me.... after I mailed the card, I'd tell my mom and aunt that they need to back off completely now, and that any decisions re: if your sister is allowed in LO's life is UP TO YOU and that you don't want to hear another word. 

    Sounds like your sister has a lot of growing up to do.  You seem to have been the mature one throughout all of this, and it can only reflect well on you if you keep taking the higher road.

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  • CocoR04CocoR04 member

    I'm pretty hypocritical giving you this advice because I let my estranged brother AND sister find out about our pregnancy via Facebook, but it sounds like you have more contact with your sister than I do my two siblings (we never ever talk.)  I think you should send a card or call her to share the news, but don't go any further.  Think of it more as a FYI I'm pregnant kind of call. I understand where you are coming from with the mixed feelings about having her in your life again, so just go with your gut on this one.  In a perfect world, we'd all have great relationships with our siblings!

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  • katieworekkatieworek member
    I have a similar situation with my sister.  I pretty much decided about a year ago that I was going to stop trying to have a relationship with her. I did, however decide to call her when I got into my second trimester. I just wanted to make sure that I took the high road so she didn't hear about it from someone else.  It was an awkward conversation but it was quick and I'm glad I did it.
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  • mamasmurf12mamasmurf12 member
    It seems to me like it would be better just to tell her now. It may add fuel to the fire later if she finds out from someone else. Of course, that's not saying you'd be wrong for just cutting ties...given the way she's acted!
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    "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:26-27&33-34
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  • perplexed59perplexed59
    I haven't and won't tell my bio dad I'm pregnant. He is a complete douche. I told him about my daughter but he has never met her. I found that having a baby made me want to cut the toxic people out of my life. It has made me much happier. I would tell your mom and aunt to tell her themselves if they think it is so important but you have nothing to say to her.
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  • sragreensragreen member

    imageperplexed59:
    I haven't and won't tell my bio dad I'm pregnant. He is a complete douche. I told him about my daughter but he has never met her. I found that having a baby made me want to cut the toxic people out of my life. It has made me much happier. I would tell your mom and aunt to tell her themselves if they think it is so important but you have nothing to say to her.

    Almost this. My dad is a complete doucher too! He did not come to my wedding in February, so that was the last straw for me. He found out I was pregnant through some of his friends that I am still Facebook friends with. I hadn't talked to him since November and the day we went FB official, I got a text saying how happy he was foe me and how much he loved me. I did not respond. He sent me another message on FB saying the same thing, but he has yet to apologize. He has done this kind of stuff my whole life. To him, it's like if enough time has passed then the bad things never happened. He is one of those people who truly believes his own lies....and sometimes they are ridiculous (but funny). Like how he used to play pick up basketball with Hakeem Olajuwon and how he is taller than people when is clearly is not.

    Whoa sorry for the rambling, but if you feel compelled to tell your sister, I would do so in an email or a card. This way it's completely up to her if she wants to respond. That way you can tell your family that you contacted her.  

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  • krissywavekrissywave member

    I think this is something that you should sit down and really think about.  Go with your gut on this one.  You will never know how she will act once you tell her this info.  She could go either way with her actions. 

     

    April 10 IUI BFN Sept 10 IUI BRN Feb 11 IVF hoping for a BFP! Feb 27 ER 28 eggs Mar 4 8 health eggs, 2 ET Mar 17 - Beta 180!! BFP!!! Mar 21 - Beta 1295!! holy cow what a jump Coming soon 1st Sono March 30!!! Crossing fingers for healthy stick bean(s) Mar 29 miscarry :( 6w 3d 2nd IVF July 2011 BFP July 2011 M/C 11/11/11 hate to say good bye again! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 3rd IVF 4/3/12 ER 46 eggs (holly cow batman) 40 mature, 36 fertilized 4/8/12 ET 2 AB put back 4/10/12 15 make it to FREEZE 4/22/12 Beta BFN 1st FET 6/7/12 Day we are going to put back 2. 6/21/12 BFP 1285 6/25/12 4780 I hope this time they stick!! Deaglan William welcome. My rainbow is finally here February 7, 2013
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  • luckymom3luckymom3

    I have an estranged cray-cray sister too - she does much, much worse things though (arrests, domestic violence, promiscuity, lies, neglecting her own two children, etc etc etc) and we were pretty close until about a year ago when I decided to sever ties. We live in the same town (small town) and she is actually my DS's godmother (she used to be normal) and I do not plan on telling her. I don't want someone like that in my children's life - that is my biggest decision maker.

     I'm sure she already knows, as we know a lot of the same people and she still speaks to my dad but I honestly don't care at this point. Good luck!

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  • AimnJus917AimnJus917 member

    imageperplexed59:
    I haven't and won't tell my bio dad I'm pregnant. He is a complete douche. I told him about my daughter but he has never met her. I found that having a baby made me want to cut the toxic people out of my life. It has made me much happier. I would tell your mom and aunt to tell her themselves if they think it is so important but you have nothing to say to her.

    I agree with this suggestion - tell your mom to tell her since she apparently still talks to her.  Why be in an uncomfortable situation by calling her? What is she going to say, will she be happy for you (probably not) and then that might make things worse because your feelings will be hurt. I just don't really see the point of telling her if you're not close and basically don't want her in your life.

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  • marionravenwoodmarionravenwood member

    Thanks a bunch ladies for the advice.  I did end up sending her a very generic e-mail last night (hey, I'm pregnant, hope you're doing well blah blah).  I did it mostly to get my family off my back. But I'm done, I refuse to talk about it any more with my mom/aunt.

    My sister also JUST got divorced and is very jealous of me so I can't imagine she'll respond well to this.

    Family just has a way of tainting happy occasions, huh?

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