Taking care of your LO and deployment — The Bump
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Taking care of your LO and deployment

I recently had a baby and it just so happened to fall right at the start of DH's annual summer training that he couldn't get out of because he will be getting deployed.  It's been really tough, but thankfully my mom has been staying the night with me so I'm not alone.  This got me to thinking of how I will be able to handle taking care of my LO while DS is overseas.  Right now, I'm thinking of moving in with my parents once he goes so I can have help because I do plan on working full-time.  I was wondering if anyone else moved in with their parents to get help or how you handled taking care of you baby while your SO is away.  Thanks!


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Re: Taking care of your LO and deployment

  • My H is deploying when LO is about 2 months old and I plan on going back home to be with my parents for at least part of the deployment.  We have only been at our current duty station for a few months so I really do not have a good support system here yet.  If I did have a good support system here I would probably not move back in with my parents, I have been on my own for 13 years and feel a little silly as a 31 year old having to move in with my parents, but I also can not imagine staying here not having any friends or family.  I think I am perfectly capable of taking care of LO on my own, but it will be nice to have loved ones around.  We will be keeping our house here and I will just take what is needed for me and my LO, that way I can come back when ever I want.
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  • I moved back with my parents for 7 months. DS was 1 month old when DH deployed. It was frustrating, but nice to be around friends and family. I didn't work, but I was finishing up my MA, so I was really glad I had people to watch him while I worked.

    That said, I think I would have been okay staying by myself, or coming back after a couple of months. Go to play groups or other things where you can meet other new moms, and you might be able to find the support you need.

    We put our stuff in storage and moved out of our house, and that was crazy to do with a newborn.

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  • I haven't been in this situation (yet, knock on wood!), but I definitely think I would spend at least a significant portion of the time staying with family. Not only is it a good way to get some much needed support, but traveling is a great way to pass the time quickly while DH is away.

    That being said, there are also a number of programs on base created for situations just like this. I don't think staying home would be at all unreasonable for you or your LO!

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  • We are stationed in Texas but my family lives in Pennsylvania. My hubby deployed when our LO was 6 weeks old. I stayed in Texas and worked full time as a teacher and raised my baby.

     

    It works. Alot of people went home to stay with their families.

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  • My DH deployed when DS was 2 weeks old and I moved back to be near my family.  I was the sole care taker of my son but it was nice to know that there were people close by that I could rely on if I ever got overwhelmed or needed some time by myself. I moved back to Ft. Campbell about a month before my husband got home and my son was about 11 months old. I was able to find a home and set it up before my husband returned.
    Married 5/29/09
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  • You just do it :).

    My DH deployed last year when I had a 6 month old and a 22 month old. 

    Mainstays to my sanity included:

    1.  A babysitter who came once per week at the same time.  This way I knew I was going to get a break during daytime hours.  I knew when it was going to be several weeks out so I could schedule hair appointments or doctors appointments.  I could also go shopping without the kids which was convenient.

    2.  A cleaning lady who came every other week.  She only did deep cleaning (kitchen, bathrooms, mopping, dusting) but it was a lifesaver and made me feel so much better to come home to a nice, clean home  in the midst of my chaotic existance.

    3.  Good friends.  We hadn't been stationed in Norfolk long before he deployed, but we had been in Norfolk previously and still had a large group of friends here.  I had lots of play dates, dinners (kid friendly), and such planned every week.

    4.  I joined a gym with a good daycare.  For 2 hours every day I could work out, have coffee, take a shower in peace, etc.

    Also, my mom is a teacher and she moved down into our home for 2 months in the summer time when she had off.  That was really nice.  I also did a few 1-2 week trips to visit family and friends.  It helped to have a change of scenery to get out of deployment funk.

    PERSONALLY, I can't imagine ever moving home for a deployment (I have done 3 deployments - 1 with my kids).  If I did, it would be an extenuating circumstance (bed rest high risk pregnancy while DH is deployed and my kids are young).  A newborn (especially just one newborn and no other children) wouldn't be enough reason.  I love my family, my mother is my best friend, but at 31 years old I just NEED my space.  Even when I would visit home during my deployment and had lots of help and hands, it was a huge relief to get back to my own home and my own space. 

    You need to do what is right for you.  If going home is that thing - yay.  But you can definitely get yourself situated and do it solo.  You won't be the first woman to have a newborn without your DH. 

    Good luck with your choice!

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    My parents came down to stay with me when my second was born and H was deployed, which was a huge help.  I would not have moved back in with them if they hadn't been able to do it, though.  
  • DH was deployed during part of my pregnancy and comes back in December when DD is 3 months old. Right now all the help I have is my MIL and teenage nieces who swoon over babies. 

    It's really hard without DH, but at the end of the day everything's taken care of. Remember to take care of yourself as well! 

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  • LO was 5 weeks old when DH deployed and I went back home with my parents. I don't have a good support system at our duty station plus it was nice to be home and have the opportunity for LO to bond with his grandparents, uncles ect. 
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  • FI has a deployment coming up next year and I agree with the PP, you just do it.  I have been a single mom and I am looking at it that way.  I took care of my ODS by myself for years and all of my family lives on the opposite side of the country.  It is tough sometimes but you just do it. 
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  • I won't lie and say it's easy doing it by yourself, but it is do-able.  I live near DH's family, but mine is over 3 hours away.  DH had to return to pre-deployment training 2 days, saw he saw LO for 3 days before going overseas, and was away until LO was 8 months old.  My parents stayed a week each for the first two weeks since I had a CS and couldn't drive, but after those two weeks, I was on my own.  They tried to get me to move back in with them for a few weeks while LO was small so they could help, but I would have been on my own during the day anyway since they both work.  I was and am glad that I stayed in my own home to take care of LO - it was easier after I was able to settle into a routine with LO.  Being so busy every day taking care of him definitely made the deployment fly by.  However, you have to do what is best for you and your LO.  If you feel you need to move back with your parents, by all means, do so. 

     So there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom"

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  • Because you said he went for his two week AT, I'm guessing he's Guard or Reserves.  Do you already live near your family and you are wanting to move out of your house and into theirs?  If so, I think you need to step back and think about that.  You are a grown woman, I'm assuming.  You are perfectly capable of taking care of your baby on your own.  It's nice to have people around to help you out and to talk to, but you don't have to move into their house to have that if they are just down the road.  

    Get your self into a routine and stick to it.  No, it's not always easy, but thousands of us do it all the time.   You can too.  

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  • DH is deployed and J is 8 months old now.  I am living with my in laws and actually loving it.  It is so nice to be near family and have the extra help.  We normally live 18 hours away from both sides so to be this close so DS can spend time with his grandparents is nice.  Plus its nice to save up those deployment checks!
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  • DH deployed when DD1 was 2 months old.  I stayed in Germany by myself.  DH came home right before she turned 12 months.  It wasn't too hard actually, but I was a SAHM.
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